1-2 Punch League: [1-2] S dubb vs Rutter knows best [wk15]

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    Posted: 06 December 2016 at 3:19am
due fridayy
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote S Dubb Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 December 2016 at 1:36am
Check..... Not sure if I got to do that or not but just in case
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rutter knows best Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 December 2016 at 9:27pm
Shoot you dead..fuck a beef! If you knew best you'd run from me
Try frontin dweeb n get shot down quicker than ya offer to run a league
#bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote S Dubb Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2016 at 6:48am
I read your past lines while fucking Laugh-In, your bars are "good will" Punch Free...
Your Dumb Ublucky, I mean you can't cop a win and you even they guy who Runs the League...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2016 at 9:02am

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


Rutter I liked the angle you came with here,it was current and direct I thought,
the punch/personal worked well,had a sort of stay in your lane feel about it,the
coupling with your own alias was a nice touch too,plus it was worded good also,
no wordplay as such but that didn't matter here really,good shot that landed,on
the whole nice bar..

S Dubb,I liked you offering too,another league bar here that also worked,in fact
like Rut's it was aimed well and landed also,the bar itself was on the heavy side
where the wording was concerned,you did have some basic play within your bar
that also helped with the length issue,and it even added to it on the whole here,
so yeah nice bar..

Overall both had similar approaches with their bars,both did well making them work
too,but for me Rut's got this, here's why,he's bar had that stinging feel about it that
had some grounds on being factual and recent,which just made his punch land that
bit heavier for me,S Dubb unlucky this time as he didn't roll over you here,just with your bar having weight problems and having unnecessary word you could cut out..

Vote...Rutter..peace.

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before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2016 at 3:55pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


Dub, your bar had potential but was worded poorly. You have many extra and useless syllables in both lines and the concept was just alright. For a concept like that, you need to word it smoothly and keep it simple so it's easy on reader.

Rut, this was smooth as butter for me. I think this is one of my fav bars I've seen you drop. Great tie in to recent events. Good job on it as a whole, good punch.

Vote rut rut
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Ridley Squat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 December 2016 at 7:57pm
RKB:
This was nice. Top drawer stuff. So any negative I pick out would be really nitpicky of me ... so that said ...
Normally not a fan of using 'Knows' or 'Best' as nameplays against you, I've said that before, and I'm still not, but using it yourself here works OK. The setup was very nicely written, but as it establishes such an unmissable rhythm, it unfortunately highlights the next line as a bit syllable-heavy and clunky.
But it was a nicely played concept, and all ties in and lands well.

S:
This was a similar sort of angle you were going for here, but I'm afraid I felt the concept was a bit light.
Not sure what ability to win has to do with being the one who runs the league, besides he had the longest unbeaten run of nearly half a season, I think ... don't check.
But like everyone is saying, you got potential ... can see you got a grasp of the mechanics, just need to work on the concept and wording.
I called you S, because you don't get the Dub ... Ublucky ... MFVGTRKB
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 December 2016 at 11:26am
Rutter: Smooth and simple. I enjoyed the tie in with current events and it made for a good punch. Not really much I can say about it. It was clear and did what it needed to do with no extra fat.

S Dubb: A bit more going on in this bar and it was quite relevant since Rutter's had a dip in form. I get what Rid is saying about how running the league has nothing to do with ability but it does carry some weight like 'you can't cop a win why the fuck is it you running this shit?' but overall it did seem on the light side. The wording and flow was a bit ehh but it did have a lot of potential as a punch.

Vote - Rutter
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote S Dubb Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 December 2016 at 4:43pm
Sorry for rushing this bar Rut, I'll drop a better bar in my next weeks battle..... thanks for the votes everyone.....
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