1-2 Punch League: [1-2] S dubb vs Rutter knows best [wk15] |
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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Posted: 06 December 2016 at 3:19am |
due fridayy
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S Dubb
Groupie Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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Check..... Not sure if I got to do that or not but just in case
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Shoot you dead..fuck a beef! If you knew best you'd run from me
Try frontin dweeb n get shot down quicker than ya offer to run a league
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#bananas
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S Dubb
Groupie Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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I read your past lines while fucking Laugh-In, your bars are "good will" Punch Free...
Your Dumb Ublucky, I mean you can't cop a win and you even they guy who Runs the League... |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Rutter I liked the angle you came with here,it was current and direct I thought, the punch/personal worked well,had a sort of stay in your lane feel about it,the coupling with your own alias was a nice touch too,plus it was worded good also, no wordplay as such but that didn't matter here really,good shot that landed,on the whole nice bar.. S Dubb,I liked you offering too,another league bar here that also worked,in fact like Rut's it was aimed well and landed also,the bar itself was on the heavy side where the wording was concerned,you did have some basic play within your bar that also helped with the length issue,and it even added to it on the whole here, so yeah nice bar.. Overall both had similar approaches with their bars,both did well making them work too,but for me Rut's got this, here's why,he's bar had that stinging feel about it that had some grounds on being factual and recent,which just made his punch land that bit heavier for me,S Dubb unlucky this time as he didn't roll over you here,just with your bar having weight problems and having unnecessary word you could cut out.. Vote...Rutter..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Dub, your bar had potential but was worded poorly. You have many extra and useless syllables in both lines and the concept was just alright. For a concept like that, you need to word it smoothly and keep it simple so it's easy on reader. Rut, this was smooth as butter for me. I think this is one of my fav bars I've seen you drop. Great tie in to recent events. Good job on it as a whole, good punch. Vote rut rut |
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Ridley Squat
Street Team Joined: 20 November 2015 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 830 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-6-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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RKB:
This was nice. Top drawer stuff. So any negative I pick out would be really nitpicky of me ... so that said ... Normally not a fan of using 'Knows' or 'Best' as nameplays against you, I've said that before, and I'm still not, but using it yourself here works OK. The setup was very nicely written, but as it establishes such an unmissable rhythm, it unfortunately highlights the next line as a bit syllable-heavy and clunky. But it was a nicely played concept, and all ties in and lands well. S: This was a similar sort of angle you were going for here, but I'm afraid I felt the concept was a bit light. Not sure what ability to win has to do with being the one who runs the league, besides he had the longest unbeaten run of nearly half a season, I think ... don't check. But like everyone is saying, you got potential ... can see you got a grasp of the mechanics, just need to work on the concept and wording. I called you S, because you don't get the Dub ... Ublucky ... MFVGTRKB |
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Goryo.
Groupie Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
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Rutter: Smooth and simple. I enjoyed the tie in with current events and it made for a good punch. Not really much I can say about it. It was clear and did what it needed to do with no extra fat. S Dubb: A bit more going on in this bar and it was quite relevant since Rutter's had a dip in form. I get what Rid is saying about how running the league has nothing to do with ability but it does carry some weight like 'you can't cop a win why the fuck is it you running this shit?' but overall it did seem on the light side. The wording and flow was a bit ehh but it did have a lot of potential as a punch. Vote - Rutter
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S Dubb
Groupie Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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Sorry for rushing this bar Rut, I'll drop a better bar in my next weeks battle..... thanks for the votes everyone.....
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