Elevation Centre: A little tips please |
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S Dubb 
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Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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 Topic: A little tips pleasePosted: 03 December 2016 at 10:53pm |
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This would be something for you to get drunk and party too....
Vanilla Coke and E & J, Allisay and Hennesy... Feelin' the buzz as the liquor Enters Me... Gotta get drunk, go ahead get ya cup an' Fill it Up... No matter how much I drank I cant ever Get Enough... Feelin' the buzz of all these mixtures that Cool my Cup... Blowin' smoke clouds of White Owls that's Full of Bud... I'm red Eyed an' Tipsy! So Fried an' Crispy... I'm so High the Whiskey cant even Get to Me... Vodka, Barcardi, chase it all down wit' Wild Turkey... I got bottles on bottles, boy it's Time to Party... I'm so drunk, I'm a lay and watch the Room Spin... Incredable Hulk chased wit shots of Four Hoursemen... Champaigne and liquor keeps my Throat Moistened... So damn drunk I'm on the edge of Alcohol Poisonin'... I'm Feelin' the buzz as the liquor Enters Me... Vanilla Coke and E & J, Allisay and Hennesy..... ^^That's a verse I'm working on for a party song me and my homie is doin, let me know what you think.... Please give some good feedback and leave a link for one of your verses and I'll return the favor....
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Crimson Juice
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Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Posted: 03 December 2016 at 11:24pm |
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Firstly i liked it on the whole,it has a good tempo going for it,and yeah I can see
it'll work in audio,the thing is when displayed in text words count for much more as it's about visual too,this piece here has decent contents and vocab,but comes off as lacking any real depth,a few multi's or even inner rhymes would lift this verse even more,add a little wordplay ie similes or metaphors,then it'll stand up and out, you have a good flow on your side and the basics nailed down,so it won't be along road for you,I'll say now though,I would like to hear it in audio before I totally judge it..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Cuba
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Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 06 December 2016 at 7:13pm |
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For me a 'party song' is generally going to be more about the "feel" you get across than the lyrical content. It's about having the right flow & delivery...and that's pretty hard to tell from a verse when it's written down unless you're a real top tier writer with years of experience.
There's a part of it as well which says what type of MC do you want to be. For me there's not much progression of the narrative here. It's pretty much you just saying "I'm gonna get drunk" in several different ways. Maybe you could tell a story of a night off with your boys & what happens, for example, that would give it a bit more character to it.
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Sammy
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Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Posted: 07 December 2016 at 5:28pm |
interesting. i honestly never thought of the science behind stuff like that.
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Sky Scrapur
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Joined: 21 October 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1133 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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Posted: 07 December 2016 at 6:00pm |
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Get a beat, record and send the audio version. I‘ll definitely give you proper feed dawg
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Cuba wrote: