Open Mic: Aetherium Gardens

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Aetherium Gardens

...Of course i remember..
She waltz; Cavorting the field of dreamy lunar gleam
beauty scene; so delicate. charming - alluring. “Breathe..”
She whispers. Assuring me beyond the sprucing trees
her movement, creeps; The fluency! The beauty. Free!
Her music; beats, in tune with me. 
is this lunacy?
She knew. between her truth and me, she chooses... 

The Witch
Legend lives of the dancing wood witch sprite
an odious imp cursed to prance the moon-lit night
“She’s the devil’s daughter! her tongue speaks the unclean!
her speeches obscene”. - And other's seek but unseen
weakened, the townsfolk beseech divine intervention 
the monastery sent me, a monk, to find and prevent sin...

The Monk
Exhaustion! i sauntered on along the outer skirt
douse in dirt - hungry. songs of owls 
urging me to follow her..
along the bow of dirt; cloudy murk,
off the bank, i heard a sound. A chirp.
“wait, is that…??” i thought aloud at first
her gown it spurse; not bounded, it surged
about the earth - “thats her! i found the curse!”

But..

there was something about this girl. 
perhaps her pouted purse or the shrouded girth
that aroused my nerve. 
The way she walks about - so sure. 
summoned an air of doubt. her words..
spoken; not of loudest curse
but like flowers nursing a mound of dirt
appreciation of The Father’s work
misconstrued into witchery
In her, i found my worth. 
I found the worth
but she knew…and she choose...

The Union
emotions were spent
devotion descends; 
we got closer and bolder as cold seasons end
this was treason! blasphemous!
a monk and a witch?
it didn’t matter.
soon after, affections beget us a prince
his eyes, of fire like his mother; her sense
of wonder and life instilled in smiles so perfect
so it hurts when, truth emerged in the end
rumors of unholy union that could ruin the church

She Chooses
when she was caught, she was sentenced to burn
‘less she reveal to officials who her lover is, first
she didn’t say a word.
she didn’t say a word.
each members lined up for confessions or curse
on my turn, i stepped the stoop and approached her. my nerves
shaking - was it guilt or worse?? could be killed for sure…
“Angelo, did you have any relationship with this witch?”
i posture defeat; coward! unworthy of her kiss
“Your holiness, i did NOT have relations with her”
she cried. 
her tears, cascading draperies of hurt
But i wanted to tell them! That my wife’s not a witch
she’s my only proof and soulful truth that God does exists!
We’re wrong! The whole forsaken Church was wrong!
and as i walked off, she spoke; God I've done her wrong
“hey little monk, come here” she jested words so calm
i leaned in, her sweet whisper’s, the verse of psalm,
“Its OK. i hid him near the bank; look after him.”
Again, the high priest presses for an answer, “Witch!
Did you formed union with brother Angelo?"
She looked at me as i turned my cheek, and answered “No”

So every night i wait for her to...
waltz; Cavorting the field of dreamy lunar gleam
beauty scene; so delicate. charming - alluring. “Breathe..”
She whispers. Assuring me beyond the sprucing trees
her movement, creeps; The fluency! The beauty. Free!
Her music; beats, in tune with me. 
is this lunacy?
She knew. between her truth and me, she chooses...me.

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Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Aetherium Gardens Posted: 12 November 2015 at 8:26pm
	Aetherium Gardens ...Of course i remember.. She waltz; Cavorting the field of dreamy lunar gleam beauty scene; so delicate. charming - alluring. “Breathe..” She whispers. Assuring me beyond the sprucing trees her movement, creeps; The fluency! The beauty. Free! Her music; beats, in tune with me. is this lunacy? She knew. between her truth and me, she chooses... The Witch Legend lives of the dancing wood witch sprite an odious imp cursed to prance the moon-lit night “She’s the devil’s daughter! her tongue speaks the unclean! her speeches obscene”. - And other's seek but unseen weakened, the townsfolk beseech divine intervention the monastery sent me, a monk, to find and prevent sin... The Monk Exhaustion! i sauntered on along the outer skirt douse in dirt - hungry. songs of owls urging me to follow her.. along the bow of dirt; cloudy murk, off the bank, i heard a sound. A chirp. “wait, is that…??” i thought aloud at first her gown it spurse; not bounded, it surged about the earth - “thats her! i found the curse!” But.. there was something about this girl. perhaps her pouted purse or the shrouded girth that aroused my nerve. The way she walks about - so sure. summoned an air of doubt. her words.. spoken; not of loudest curse but like flowers nursing a mound of dirt appreciation of The Father’s work misconstrued into witchery In her, i found my worth. I found the worth but she knew…and she choose... The Union emotions were spent devotion descends; we got closer and bolder as cold seasons end this was treason! blasphemous! a monk and a witch? it didn’t matter. soon after, affections beget us a prince his eyes, of fire like his mother; her sense of wonder and life instilled in smiles so perfect so it hurts when, truth emerged in the end rumors of unholy union that could ruin the church She Chooses when she was caught, she was sentenced to burn ‘less she reveal to officials who her lover is, first she didn’t say a word. she didn’t say a word. each members lined up for confessions or curse on my turn, i stepped the stoop and approached her. my nerves shaking - was it guilt or worse?? could be killed for sure… “Angelo, did you have any relationship with this witch?” i posture defeat; coward! unworthy of her kiss “Your holiness, i did NOT have relations with her” she cried. her tears, cascading draperies of hurt But i wanted to tell them! That my wife’s not a witch she’s my only proof and soulful truth that God does exists! We’re wrong! The whole forsaken Church was wrong! and as i walked off, she spoke; God I've done her wrong “hey little monk, come here” she jested words so calm i leaned in, her sweet whisper’s, the verse of psalm, “Its OK. i hid him near the bank; look after him.” Again, the high priest presses for an answer, “Witch! Did you formed union with brother Angelo?" She looked at me as i turned my cheek, and answered “No” So every night i wait for her to... waltz; Cavorting the field of dreamy lunar gleam beauty scene; so delicate. charming - alluring. “Breathe..” She whispers. Assuring me beyond the sprucing trees her movement, creeps; The fluency! The beauty. Free! Her music; beats, in tune with me. is this lunacy? She knew. between her truth and me, she chooses...me.

Nigma Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nigma Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 November 2015 at 12:59am
	That pic is dope. The intro obviously strictly based off it which was effective, strong imagery, cool scheme with no wasted syllables rhyme-wise. Thought the scheme at the start of the witch section was sort of abrupt after what came before it. Coulda deff used a transition but other then that it was decent. Transition to monk was much better with the assonance carryover as well as referring the monk/monastery at the end of the last section. Reference to a chirping bird was fitting and I liked the description of the dress, 'flowers nursing a mound of dirt' was dope too, cool section. The overhead perspective in the Union section offered interesting contrast. I didn't like the wording in 'beget us a prince' but everything else was crisp. She chooses, plot moving along strongly. Was going steady until the imagery and strong descriptive wording in 'her tears, cascading draperies of hurt' really stepped things up. That one line was a very strong piece of writing, my favorite of the verse thusfar. And then the finale, an echo of the intro but with two letters that really finalized the verse. This was top tier sir, I really enjoyed it. Had a lot of things going, strong character/plot development, contrast, symbolism, all done in a consistent and technical way. My favorite drop I've seen from you by far. Well done!


AshleyKaos Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2511 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LWLLNQ	Post Options Post Reply Quote AshleyKaos Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 29 November 2015 at 12:32am
	pretty dope and creative. its a pleaseant sight to see another femcee in nere. yo are a story teller type of underground rap stnle imo annd i like it. always like to see variety. I have more trap style was should collab the contrast could be sick if we do it right pm me
	NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME

Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 29 November 2015 at 4:13am
	lol thanks for the kind words but i'm actually a guy lol. The avatar is there because i told her she's hot lol. 'd still be down for a collab tho. let me know.

Imm-edi-ate Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 11 July 2014 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 115	Post Options Post Reply Quote Imm-edi-ate Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 29 November 2015 at 4:27am
	😂😂😂😂😂😂

MasterChief Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 13 November 2015 Status: Offline Points: 112	Post Options Post Reply Quote MasterChief Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 December 2015 at 3:03am
	Not bad man. this was the truth. I love reading books so this was very captivating. very clean choice. I almost thought it was a quote from somewhere else.