Open Mic: Alter Ego Eyes

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Slip View Drop Down
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    Posted: 23 July 2017 at 2:41am
I'm honest about being honest Bringing heat like comets
Hotter than the hottest, Hottest on the hot list
Sicker than sickness, Quicker than quickness
Slicker than slickness, Slip is the slickest ,Sickest ,vicious
Most Malicious mother fucker on er bodies pick list
Put me on ya hit list Never gonna tick this
There's no checkin me off Or ex'n me out
I'm the definition of indictable No doubt my shit is likeable
People Hate to love what I write Cos it Strikes'em like a lighting bolt
shocking on the mic ,electrifying skills
Tighten up my flow around ya neck until it kills
Damn right im gettin props on the mic sending chills
Up and down spines With that chiropractic flow
You know these feelgoodrhymez Give a buzz like blow
put ya head up in the clouds let it fall like snow
Switch it up let it hail, frail rappers gettin packaged
Body bags and coffins, complements of a savage
There's no beat needed when I speak it , it flows
And if you ain't catching my rhythm ya gloves fulla holes
Curve balls spinnin rippin past pros
One strike two strike three strikes, Ohhh!!
One up one down droppin'em like flies
No one makes the cut, everybody dies
Murderous in the game, witness it in my eyes
Alter egos seeping through absorbed by many minds
Addictive type of talent got'em searching for my lines
In those Times where I'm different , another kind of person ,
the mic flicks on ,pen gets to workin
monster inside goes berserk'n'starts murkin ,
If you do or don't deserve it
I'm hurtin every person till the pain is perfect
Pain for pleasures the perfect way to word it
Alter egos here to vent it out, air it out serve it

Edited by Slip - 23 July 2017 at 3:14am
dooms so gassed up the audio belt won't fit'em,gave it up without defendin it,like a faggot in prison
Still bitchin like hes but hurt over his own decision,cos a true champ stands,&holds his position
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DjFlame View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DjFlame Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2017 at 3:26am
I'm honest about being honest Bringing heat like comets, Hotter than the hottest, Hottest on the hot list, Sicker than sickness, Quicker than quickness, Slicker than slickness, Slip is the slickest, Sickest ,vicious, Most Malicious mother fucker on er bodies pick list

What in the fuck is this shit? Too many chiasmuses (chiasmi?). If you're going to use the same word but in a different manner, it better be clever. This is cliche as fuck. It ain't a "sick rhyme" if you rhyme something with itself. Unoriginality is also prevalent in your rhymes (Ness/ist/est rhymes are pretty shitty, along with any other suffix rhymes like that. Also hard to catch a flow here. Could be due to lack of structure.

Put me on ya hit list, Never gonna tick this, There's no checkin me off Or ex'n me out, I'm the definition of indictable No doubt my shit is likeable,People Hate to love what I write Cos it Strikes'em like a lighting bolt, shocking on the mic ,electrifying skills, Tighten up my flow around ya neck until it kills, Damn right im gettin props on the mic sending chills, Up and down spines With that chiropractic flow,

I liked this a little bit better. Some of the punches were a bit better, but I'm still reading a choppy ass flow.

You know these feelgoodrhymez Give a buzz like blow, put ya head up in the clouds let it fall like snow ,Switch it up let it hail, frail rappers gettin packaged, Body bags and coffins, complements of a savage, There's no beat needed when I speak it, it flows, And if you ain't catching my rhythm ya gloves fulla holes, Curve balls spinnin rippin past pros,One strike two strike three strikes, Ohhh!

Liked the blow/Snowfall imagery really good, but the rhymes and flow are shit. You've got one to two syllable rhymes with mediocre similes and terrible punchlines.

I'd wind up giving the same advice throughout the rest of the piece if I fed it line by line. I would say I'm overthinking these bars, and they're meant to be like audio bars, but your flow is ass. I think I finally figured it out, but it's so unaesthetically pleasing. This flows like frozen butter.

If this seems harsh, it's because it needs to be. Nobody feeds anything honestly any more. You don't drop novice shit like this and put the crew's name on it.

He only here to warn us what the plan is
The hour is upon us, it's bananas
Born alone, die alone, no matter who your man is
Hope he live long enough to tell it to his grandkids
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Slip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2017 at 3:47am
Everybody has there own opinion ,and I respect and take all critiques into consideration lol but telling me I shouldn't Put my crew name on my own drops , ain't respectable ,, have fun hopping on another crew , flamers out
dooms so gassed up the audio belt won't fit'em,gave it up without defendin it,like a faggot in prison
Still bitchin like hes but hurt over his own decision,cos a true champ stands,&holds his position
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2017 at 9:46am
Hmm,this verse wasn't terrible although it did have a simple rhyme scheme,not a
bad thing really as keeping it simple makes it harder to mess up flow,your contents seemed forced like you was grasping to make them what they wasn't,the angles
which you came with had a dull effect on reading,and I get what DJ was saying
also,the using of the same word at the start didn't work to well really,in order for
that route to work well the repeated words needs to pulled out of shape,you have
to force it to mean something else or stress the word via a different angle/context,
you did have some nice lines in this although they were lost to some extent by what
proceeded them,or by the run up to them,you did pick up though about a third of the
way in which helped,and to be honest if your alias wasn't at the top of this thread,I'd
never of guessed it was from you,as compared to your other drops this was out of
character in truth,still it had merit overall, and Slip you need to learn how to take
feedback on board,ppl have opinions whether you like it or not,good with the bad is hand in hand with open mic,and this little tantrum at DJ is on the over reacting side
and resembles a spoilt child aspect,you can't keep shoving ppl out because they
disagree with you,(Axy,Annihilation/Big Game and now DJ),in fact i'm out of this
crew too,i will shoot you a pm shortly..peace.       
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Slip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2017 at 11:01am
It's all good crim appreciate your honest feedback any time but tasteless disrespect ain't gonna work and that's what the flamer showed and you were cool with removing him about a month ago when I mentioned it in a p.m , it's all good tho
Peace
dooms so gassed up the audio belt won't fit'em,gave it up without defendin it,like a faggot in prison
Still bitchin like hes but hurt over his own decision,cos a true champ stands,&holds his position
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2017 at 11:08am
That true what you say,but I wanted him removed due to inactivity,then he came back
on the scene battled and repped,anyways good luck going forward and i mean that in
all honesty..peace bro.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Jay Homicide Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2017 at 1:25pm
The advice I will give you is just because you can fit lots of rhymes into a scheme, doesn't always mean you should. Think less is more.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Slip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2017 at 1:55pm
I hear you on that jay I tried a different type of flow with this one with a few switch ups
I guess y'all have to wait to hear it to understand my angle a little better , this piece was leaned more towards a different type of flow than the actual content, but I know what you mean by less is more
dooms so gassed up the audio belt won't fit'em,gave it up without defendin it,like a faggot in prison
Still bitchin like hes but hurt over his own decision,cos a true champ stands,&holds his position
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