Forum LockedText Battle Archive: [BAE] Ridley Squat vs Daydizzle89 [3 - 0]

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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: [BAE] Ridley Squat vs Daydizzle89 [3 - 0]
    Posted: 17 October 2018 at 1:25pm


Edited by Endeavor - 31 October 2018 at 11:37am
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 October 2018 at 8:31pm
My favorite holiday, kids come out nd play
how many of them can I accommodate?
I'll make it a game if your Harambe
Ima have to rip outcha brains
How much pain can they tolerate with dismemberment
First victim comes my way, death is eminent
grabbed this ape and work quick t' experiment
The fear in his face is testament
blasting Slipknot and watching the exorcist
my temperament changes to sadism
hatred for kids, a modern day john Wayne Gacy
kid is shaking like hes seen Freddy nd Jason
Asked him what his name is, stuttering like crazy
gave this childsplay some Novocaine, im a fucking animal
As i crack his bones, hes crying for his Dad and bro
ductape his lips as i smash his skull
The horror in his eyes as i drill into his clavicle
hearts racing from outside his skin, it's graphical
 tears are magical, take razors to his back and throat
Blood dripping, his arms flailing as the panic grows
can see his main organs, i grab hold of his Kidneys
body parts and instruments littered with ligaments
ries for his parents as the scissors digs into his ribs
The 31st is a gift that keeps giving Dizz the innocent
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 October 2018 at 4:59am

"OK, here's who I brought you to see; now it's quarter-to-3 & there's floors to be cleaned,
just remember to shut the front door when you leave!"
... that was (Dis)Orderly Steve,
the sort of a dweeb that would sort it for me, to bring my girl, s'mores & some weed,
to listen to psychopaths talk in their sleep! ... on All-Hallows Eve! ... talk about sweet!

Listen to this!

"... she was torn at the seams, rapidly losing intestinal stuffing
with redness all pumping out ten to the dozen
I'm marking the date of November the something
by carving her face to resemble a pumpkin ...
cos I'm an artist ... I'm not just sadistic
was tryna make Halloween more realistic
there's a knocking, who is it? the cops came to visit
found my face in her guts ... just bobbing for giblets" ...
Eww!

His eyes opened.

"I've been so long in this clinic, I've no past or future
you've got pretty skin, but I think scars would suit ya
did you know that incisions and discarding sutures
would add multiple positions to our karma sutra?"


Hell no!

I threw my hands around his neck for talking shit to my wife
he lost that glint from his eye just as the witching hour strikes
she didn't see his essence leave him and then mix into mine
so I guess when we get home ... she'll have a little surprise

Let's get out of here babe!


Men dress as monsters ... and that horror is pretend,
But scariest of all is when those monsters dress as men!



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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 October 2018 at 1:05pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


Originally posted by Diz Diz wrote:

My favorite holiday, kids come out nd play
how many of them can I accommodate?
I'll make it a game if your Harambe
Ima have to rip outcha brains
How much pain can they tolerate with dismemberment
First victim comes my way, death is eminent 
grabbed this ape and work quick t' experiment
The fear in his face is testament
blasting Slipknot and watching the exorcist
my temperament changes to sadism
hatred for kids, a modern day john Wayne Gacy
kid is shaking like hes seen Freddy nd Jason
Asked him what his name is, stuttering like crazy
gave this childsplay some Novocaine, im a fucking animal 
As i crack his bones, hes crying for his Dad and bro
ductape his lips as i smash his skull 
The horror in his eyes as i drill into his clavicle
hearts racing from outside his skin, it's graphical
 tears are magical, take razors to his back and throat
Blood dripping, his arms flailing as the panic grows
can see his main organs, i grab hold of his Kidneys
body parts and instruments littered with ligaments
ries for his parents as the scissors digs into his ribs
The 31st is a gift that keeps giving Dizz the innocent

I felt your verse started slow and really didn't start picking up until the end. Harambe line felt off to me as I continued to stutter over it everytime I read your verse. I'm not sure if that's you are that's me. The biggest impression I got from this verse was wanting more in the sense of hoping for more in the initial/beginning lines of this verse. That usually sets the tone and allows the reader to want to continue reading your verse. The ending, which was your highlight, was graphic, horror, descriptive in what your character was doing. The crying of the victim etc. could've have been worded in a way which we felt his pain. With the situation he was in, we know he was crying if that makes sense? I think the major issue as stated vaguely above was introducing us to the situation. I just wish there were more descriptions and more of the feeling of being in the topical you were writing.


Originally posted by Rid Rid wrote:

"OK, here's who I brought you to see; now it's quarter-to-3 & there's floors to be cleaned,just remember to shut the front door when you leave!" ... that was (Dis)Orderly Steve,
the sort of a dweeb that would sort it for me, to bring my girl, s'mores & some weed,
to listen to psychopaths talk in their sleep! ... on All-Hallows Eve! ... talk about sweet!

Listen to this!

"... she was torn at the seams, rapidly losing intestinal stuffing
with redness all pumping out ten to the dozen
I'm marking the date of November the something
by carving her face to resemble a pumpkin ...
cos I'm an artist ... I'm not just sadistic
was tryna make Halloween more realistic
there's a knocking, who is it? the cops came to visit
found my face in her guts ... just bobbing for giblets" ...
 Eww!

His eyes opened.

"I've been so long in this clinic, I've no past or future
you've got pretty skin, but I think scars would suit ya
did you know that incisions and discarding sutures
would add multiple positions to our karma sutra?"


Hell no!

I threw my hands around his neck for talking shit to my wife
he lost that glint from his eye just as the witching hour strikes
she didn't see his essence leave him and then mix into mine
so I guess when we get home ... she'll have a little surprise

Let's get out of here babe!


Men dress as monsters ... and that horror is pretend,
But scariest of all is when those monsters dress as men!

The intro and the first stanza were absolutely bonkers. You incorporated a Halloween-like story using complicated rhymes as well as giving us a topical description to tie everything in with well-rounded techniques. I was extremely impressed with the opening part of this. I enjoyed the pumpkin carving, and bobbing for gibbets as it included not only Halloween but Halloween party activities that really made it horrifically awesome. When you began tying in the portion of it being a memory really took it to new heights. The closing lines were a great way to close this as well as a crucial message that we all know too well. Kudos.

Vote: Ridely Squat 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 October 2018 at 12:16am
dizzle - this was a very clean verse. The main component of a horrorcore verse is imagery. you had some very cringing (in a good way) visceral moments that made me go dammnnn! 

gave this childsplay some Novocaine, im a fucking animal 
As i crack his bones, hes crying for his Dad and bro
ductape his lips as i smash his skull 
The horror in his eyes as i drill into his clavicle

It was almost uncomfortable but i suppose the nature of this battle demands that type of reaction so good job there. My issue with this verse was, ironically, there wasn't enough of that. pardon the expression but for the most part, there were much huffing and puffing with lots of telling going on. As other's have touched upon, it wasn't untilt he second half that things gets serious. Overall, i thought it was a good verse that did what it had to do, for the most part.

ridley - first all the final line was really dope! the strength of this verse was not only the gorey nature but the overall concept. the story was dope, tbh. i felt the characterization of the character could have given normal topical verses a run for its money. wordings were dope as well. the sutra triplets was especially ill. I also like the evil transfer concept which made the piece work well.

so i feel that dizzle had a more traditional verse in terms of horrorcore. the bloody imagery, the snappy punches, the dark theme, all presented with panache. Rid, on the other hand, took a more creative approach that dove into a narrative realm while using it to effectively convey the horror theme of the topic. So with that said, due to a more out of box approach, i will give my vote to Ridley.


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Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 October 2018 at 11:36am
Crimson and Rhet, thanks for the votes but unfortunately they do not count as this event has a voting panel. For this reason I'll be hiding your votes. Thank you so much for the effort, though.
 
 
Also, bit short vote, I hardly have time.
 
My vote:
 
Dizzle:


Your verse was a hit and miss for me. It was very gory and certainly lived up to the horrorcore thing we have going on here. So that is definitely a hit. The miss was more so in wording of few lines and I felt the story lacked creativity. it's a pretty one dimensional murder story. So while you gained points in the horror aspect, you lose some in the creativity aspecty nahmean? I think this verse is true to the horrorcore genre and it's something you always deliver. Technique wise it did what it had to do. Nothing too amazing and nothing too bland either.

Quote
my temperament changes to sadism
hatred for kids, a modern day john Wayne Gacy
kid is shaking like hes seen Freddy nd Jason
Asked him what his name is, stuttering like crazy


Flow is dope here. The content itself? Not for me but you know this already. #savedemkids


Ridley:
 
I like how all your verses start in the middle of situation or scene, however you want to call it but they always draw you in. This verse is no exception and its really packed with imagery. In contrast to Diz's verse yours is actually easier to take in and even though yours is graphic too. It isn't all that in your face like Diz. While I prefer that, it does take away from horrorcore a bit and goes more into the general topical area. I liked the somewhat bouncy flow, although the opener was... ehh.

Quote
"I've been so long in this clinic, I've no past or future
you've got pretty skin, but I think scars would suit ya
did you know that incisions and discarding sutures
would add multiple positions to our karma sutra?"
 
Loved this part!
 
 
MVGT: Ridley
 
This was actually very hard because while Ridley blew it out of the water with pretty much everything, he lacked in an important aspect and that was the horror. I think Diz wrote this in a very short amount of time and didn't really give it much thought afterwards and that cost him the W.
 
#Bananas

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Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 October 2018 at 11:37am
And with my vote it's 3- 0 for Rid. Closing thiiiiiisssssss.....!
#Bananas

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