Text Battle Archive: [BAE] Ridley Squat vs Daydizzle89 [3 - 0] |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Topic: [BAE] Ridley Squat vs Daydizzle89 [3 - 0] Posted: 17 October 2018 at 1:25pm |
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Edited by Endeavor - 31 October 2018 at 11:37am |
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
Posted: 23 October 2018 at 8:31pm | |
My favorite holiday, kids come out nd play
how many of them can I accommodate? I'll make it a game if your Harambe Ima have to rip outcha brains How much pain can they tolerate with dismemberment First victim comes my way, death is eminent grabbed this ape and work quick t' experiment The fear in his face is testament blasting Slipknot and watching the exorcist my temperament changes to sadism hatred for kids, a modern day john Wayne Gacy kid is shaking like hes seen Freddy nd Jason Asked him what his name is, stuttering like crazy gave this childsplay some Novocaine, im a fucking animal As i crack his bones, hes crying for his Dad and bro ductape his lips as i smash his skull The horror in his eyes as i drill into his clavicle hearts racing from outside his skin, it's graphical tears are magical, take razors to his back and throat Blood dripping, his arms flailing as the panic grows can see his main organs, i grab hold of his Kidneys body parts and instruments littered with ligaments ries for his parents as the scissors digs into his ribs The 31st is a gift that keeps giving Dizz the innocent |
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Ridley Squat
Street Team Joined: 20 November 2015 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 830 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-6-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 27 October 2018 at 4:59am | |
"OK, here's who I brought you to see; now it's quarter-to-3 & there's floors to be cleaned, just remember to shut the front door when you leave!" ... that was (Dis)Orderly Steve, the sort of a dweeb that would sort it for me, to bring my girl, s'mores & some weed, to listen to psychopaths talk in their sleep! ... on All-Hallows Eve! ... talk about sweet! Listen to this! "... she was torn at the seams, rapidly losing intestinal stuffing with redness all pumping out ten to the dozen I'm marking the date of November the something by carving her face to resemble a pumpkin ... cos I'm an artist ... I'm not just sadistic was tryna make Halloween more realistic there's a knocking, who is it? the cops came to visit found my face in her guts ... just bobbing for giblets" ... Eww! His eyes opened. "I've been so long in this clinic, I've no past or future you've got pretty skin, but I think scars would suit ya did you know that incisions and discarding sutures would add multiple positions to our karma sutra?" Hell no! I threw my hands around his neck for talking shit to my wife he lost that glint from his eye just as the witching hour strikes she didn't see his essence leave him and then mix into mine so I guess when we get home ... she'll have a little surprise Let's get out of here babe! Men dress as monsters ... and that horror is pretend, But scariest of all is when those monsters dress as men! |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Posted: 29 October 2018 at 1:05pm | |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator.
I felt your verse started slow and really didn't start picking up until the end. Harambe line felt off to me as I continued to stutter over it everytime I read your verse. I'm not sure if that's you are that's me. The biggest impression I got from this verse was wanting more in the sense of hoping for more in the initial/beginning lines of this verse. That usually sets the tone and allows the reader to want to continue reading your verse. The ending, which was your highlight, was graphic, horror, descriptive in what your character was doing. The crying of the victim etc. could've have been worded in a way which we felt his pain. With the situation he was in, we know he was crying if that makes sense? I think the major issue as stated vaguely above was introducing us to the situation. I just wish there were more descriptions and more of the feeling of being in the topical you were writing.
The intro and the first stanza were absolutely bonkers. You incorporated a Halloween-like story using complicated rhymes as well as giving us a topical description to tie everything in with well-rounded techniques. I was extremely impressed with the opening part of this. I enjoyed the pumpkin carving, and bobbing for gibbets as it included not only Halloween but Halloween party activities that really made it horrifically awesome. When you began tying in the portion of it being a memory really took it to new heights. The closing lines were a great way to close this as well as a crucial message that we all know too well. Kudos. Vote: Ridely Squat
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Posted: 31 October 2018 at 12:16am | |
dizzle - this was a very clean verse. The main component of a horrorcore verse is imagery. you had some very cringing (in a good way) visceral moments that made me go dammnnn!
gave this childsplay some Novocaine, im a fucking animal As i crack his bones, hes crying for his Dad and bro ductape his lips as i smash his skull The horror in his eyes as i drill into his clavicle It was almost uncomfortable but i suppose the nature of this battle demands that type of reaction so good job there. My issue with this verse was, ironically, there wasn't enough of that. pardon the expression but for the most part, there were much huffing and puffing with lots of telling going on. As other's have touched upon, it wasn't untilt he second half that things gets serious. Overall, i thought it was a good verse that did what it had to do, for the most part. ridley - first all the final line was really dope! the strength of this verse was not only the gorey nature but the overall concept. the story was dope, tbh. i felt the characterization of the character could have given normal topical verses a run for its money. wordings were dope as well. the sutra triplets was especially ill. I also like the evil transfer concept which made the piece work well. so i feel that dizzle had a more traditional verse in terms of horrorcore. the bloody imagery, the snappy punches, the dark theme, all presented with panache. Rid, on the other hand, took a more creative approach that dove into a narrative realm while using it to effectively convey the horror theme of the topic. So with that said, due to a more out of box approach, i will give my vote to Ridley.
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Posted: 31 October 2018 at 11:36am | |
Crimson and Rhet, thanks for the votes but unfortunately they do not count as this event has a voting panel. For this reason I'll be hiding your votes. Thank you so much for the effort, though.
Also, bit short vote, I hardly have time. My vote: Dizzle: Your verse was a hit and miss for me. It was very gory and certainly lived up to the horrorcore thing we have going on here. So that is definitely a hit. The miss was more so in wording of few lines and I felt the story lacked creativity. it's a pretty one dimensional murder story. So while you gained points in the horror aspect, you lose some in the creativity aspecty nahmean? I think this verse is true to the horrorcore genre and it's something you always deliver. Technique wise it did what it had to do. Nothing too amazing and nothing too bland either.
Flow is dope here. The content itself? Not for me but you know this already. #savedemkids Ridley: I like how all your verses start in the middle of situation or scene, however you want to call it but they always draw you in. This verse is no exception and its really packed with imagery. In contrast to Diz's verse yours is actually easier to take in and even though yours is graphic too. It isn't all that in your face like Diz. While I prefer that, it does take away from horrorcore a bit and goes more into the general topical area. I liked the somewhat bouncy flow, although the opener was... ehh.
Loved this part! MVGT: Ridley This was actually very hard because while Ridley blew it out of the water with pretty much everything, he lacked in an important aspect and that was the horror. I think Diz wrote this in a very short amount of time and didn't really give it much thought afterwards and that cost him the W. |
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#Bananas
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Posted: 31 October 2018 at 11:37am | |
And with my vote it's 3- 0 for Rid. Closing thiiiiiisssssss.....!
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#Bananas
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