Open Mic: BARS

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Scoundrel View Drop Down
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Joined: 29 April 2019
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    Posted: 29 April 2019 at 8:00pm
The my first open verse.. I'll INTRODUCE MY SKILL..
Pop off like TWO NINE MILLS... WOOOOO!! IM ILL...
"Point out a victim, I CHOOSE MY KILL..
Naw u fed to my wolf.. he CHEWS MY KILL..

Its seems a rapper from "America's involved " on a "Lyrical assault" to the UNITER KINGDOM..
Yall frightened by anyone who would FIGHT FOR FREEDOM..

Terrified..paralyzed..off ANOTHER REVOLUTION..
Doin damage, n Pay it back like FUNDS FOR RESTITUTION..
They say torture is inhumane but I LOVE THE METHODS USAGE..
Help you "grow to be a man" like a MONKEYS EVOLUTION..

Oh u bout that life?? I PACK A SLUG FOR THAT..

"Clap on chests" like Saggy breasts when ur GRAMMA JUMPIN JACKS
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Goryo. View Drop Down
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Joined: 28 June 2016
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 May 2019 at 12:23pm
Ok so some good stand-out sections and some that need work. Over all I can tell that you know the fundamentals, and have a good grasp on punchlines and multis. Next step would be to tighten them up. More lines like the 'monkey's evolution' one an 'gramma jumpin jacks' one. They are quite simple punches but you executed them smoothly. The points that require some work are forced multis and filler. 'love the methods usage' was a bit of a stretch to make the scheme work but it was at the expense of making the line feel awkward. Keep things coherent as you would use in conversation. I can't complain too much though it was a decent drop and like I say you have that awareness. Just tighten it up and smooth it out and you'll be killer.
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