Battlefield: Beans V Crimson Juice... (2-0).

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    Posted: 23 March 2020 at 6:10pm
6 bars.

Due 29th...(Sunday)
House rules..

Edited by Crimson Juice - 02 April 2020 at 9:59pm
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2020 at 7:29pm
"Read Fag"...

Ill lay ya flat in a parallel line in the dirt, these beans are sown,
A cute 1, ya just obtuse scatter ya at angles like seeds thrown,

Destroy ya soul like a marathon runner wearin cheap Reeboks,
My ploy is to gain goals, & plant beans 6ft deep & not in a box,

Sure he'll never be KIA that's because this punk is always MIA,
Knowin ill be clinkin' bottles, but Warrior won't come out & play,

I know my wordplay is liver, whilst you are just a duck & diver,
1 punch ill leave ya under the ground like the Hadron Collider,

Punk ya getting beaten and bagged ill leave ya with a toe tag,
Battlin this fag, when he Hunts 4 rkb's Dick, like Captain Ahab,

Your battles i've seen your punches un-train-ed, ya minds frail, 
Try reading between the lines, like them commuters do on rail, 
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Beans Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 March 2020 at 2:59pm
I’ll post tonight thought it was due Monday... I’ll edit this post with my verse
1-2 Season 1 Final Champ
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Beans Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 April 2020 at 3:03am
Crimson Juice




Originally posted by Crimson Juice Vs Spume in 1-2 Crimson Juice Vs Spume in 1-2 wrote:

Corrupt ya crew LI has no active men,in he's mind there's 9 so we'll call him Ben 10,
your a loner like One B Lo,1 man army more like the Star Wars character Han's Solo



Originally posted by Crimson Juice Vs HawksDevil in 1-2 Crimson Juice Vs HawksDevil in 1-2 wrote:

bitch i'll spark you up like a kilowatt,fry this impish bird with some shallots
only time he'll be hot,cuz David couldn't rock heads if I gave him a slingshot





Dick riding faggot...
You on some silly bull shit! Loser I hope you die forever...
Cant take you serious thinkin “Ben 10, Han Solo, Shallots, & Sling Shot” Rhyme together!

Moron! All your votes scream “Nail Biter” & it’s the worst my dude
Cos I rather Chew Both My Hands Off b4 reading another verse from you!


If Neek didn’t vote?..a Murder is clueless! This faggots a joke
Sum1 got their throat cut w/o defending themselves & you’d say “This Battle Was Close”

A sneeze from Me would crush you! Sick’s how you ain’t coming bro
Baller? ...You could have a Car, Owna house & we’d hope that virus kills you in one of those!

Dope verses to you’s a “Lucid Dream!” How is LA stuck w/this noob nerd
Overdosing on a plane’s more realistic than what’s considered “Dope” in Juice Wrld!

Your wife eats my dick in the morning! Lunch I’ll wreck chick
& Only tome she hits Juice on the side? Is when I order her breakfast!



Peace

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Mitch.Wagwaan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 April 2020 at 1:20pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


Crim//

Your opener was your best bar of the battle. The nameplay concept was aaight. A decent set up and the angle wordplay added some depth. Punchline was aaight

The Set up of your second bar was decent enough, but the second line was forced and the punchline a miss.

Not a fan of your third bar at all.

Fourth bar was tidy enough but not really damaging. A light jab. Enjoyed the flow of It though.

Again the fifth bar was tidy enough with multies and personals but just didn't feel the oomph in the Punch.

The closer wasn't powerful enough either.

Verdict//

You came out swinging but only managed soft jabs thereafter.
Some good concepts and build up without making the punchlines too damaging.

Beans//

The set up in your opener was poorly amateur by your own standards. The punchline was a light dig, it had humour if not a lot else.

The concept and set up in your second bar was much more like it. The punchline was decent. Your best bar by a country mile.

Wasnt feeling your third bar, dont think you executed your concept well enough.

Fourth bar was your worst bar. Garbage.

Fifth bar was some tidy work, enjoyed that.

Closer had potential and liked the punchline but always feel a wife digs a little clutching at straws. Lackluster.

Verdict//

A bit hit and miss, still had some well executed bars.

Vote// I think you both struggled for consistency. Crims Opener was decent but fell way off thereafter. Beans had two real hitting bars, So for the reason of bringing more to the table mvgt Beans.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 April 2020 at 6:09pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


Crim:

Bar 1 - First line was relevant to the punch with the 'beans' theme which is a pretty over done play as we all know. I liked the punch itself it seemed quite fresh but the 'a cute 1' was a bit crammed in there trying to over complicate it with the angles theme. The 'parallel line' part I didn't like either cause a line needs another line to be parallel with haha. Basically for a played concept I liked the spin on his name being 'scattered at angles like seeds thrown' but I didn't like the forced a cute 1/obtuse and think it could've either been skipped or done better with different wording and plays. 

Bar 2 - Everything about it worked logically but it was all just pretty played. First line wasn't relevant to Beans himself or the punch but as a general bar it was good. If you wrote up a 10 bar Beans diss in Open Mic this would be a good filler line.

Bar 3 - Personal enough both lines and the MIA set up the punch. Warrior double entendre was good but just lacked some venom. A good punch but on the light side.

Bar 4 - First line was ambiguous enough that you could really use it to set up any punch you wanted. General threat kinda self hype punch though which would be good in a random punchline drop but not as a direct attack. In this case it would've been better to use the first half of your punch line to use something related to the Large Hadron Collider. Like yeah it's under ground, where your punch will leave him.. but it wasn't a punch that put the actual Large Hadron Collider under the ground if you know what I mean.

Bar 5 - Yeah I get the dick/Ahab connection but that was all that was relevant if you know what I mean. Like you could replace RKB's name with anyone and direct the punch at anyone and it would still be the same. A decent play but not direct enough. There would be ways to tailor the whole bar to be more specific to his situation with RKB that you are alluding to.

Bar 6 - Yeah the two lines were relevant enough to each other to get a pass and honestly that 'read between the lines' punch was ill shit. If you'd put that in a random self hype drop I'd be like 'shit that's a good line' and I will give it the credit it deserves as a line but again it wasn't really relevant to Beans in this case.


Beans:

Bar 1 - In those bars Crim is clearly using a different structure and while the rhymes are basic they do rhyme. It's like he's putting 2 lines onto one line instead (men, ten, lo, solo). I liked the direction but it kinda discredits itself when the quotes make it clear how he was formatting those bars.

Bar 2 - The punch itself was basic (I'd rather do this than read your shit) but when you take all the personals into consideration it was creative and a good jab.

Bar 3 - I liked the continuation of the theme with the same personal being further used against him.

Bar 4 - Momentum dropped here the whole thing was pretty forced. I get that you were putting a fresh spin on 'sick' etc but it didn't work in this case. I feel like you could've used the corona theme better in tandem with the 'sneeze would crush you' and 'sick' without the weird wordplay.

Bar 5 - Had to do some googling here to get it even though I knew 'Juice Wrld' was referring to 'Juice's world'. I dunno it seemed like random info and attempts at plays to make it all seem relevant. The more people have to think/research why a punch works hinders the effectiveness and in this case with me it did. I can appreciate the components but that's about it.

Bar 6 - Decent with a decent play on his name but overall pretty generic, clever enough to get a pass though.

Overall I feel like CJ came with a decent kind of dissy love-tap type self-hype verse. Definitely work on your battling fundamentals and keep at it cause judging by your actual writing style/OM work you've come a long way. Now just to apply that to the battle side of things if you want to. You know you can. This verse showed a lot of potential for you in that area so don't be put off by me breaking it down.

Beans this is the least impressive verse I've seen from you but I'm not gonna sit here and insult your intelligence, it was pretty obvious that you were 'writing to the level of your opponent' for the most part. Battling fundamentals were there and while some punches were weak or forced your verse was undoubtedly directed at CJ from start to finish. Second and third bar were good and more to the level of what I expect from you.

For the more focused, personal, and battle-structured verse I give my vote to Beans.
 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 April 2020 at 9:59pm
Thanks for voting guys...peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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