Topic ClosedSpotlight: [BL4] Crimson Juice vs Amgin [Picture] (1-3)

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: [BL4] Crimson Juice vs Amgin [Picture] (1-3)
    Posted: 04 August 2017 at 5:35pm
BLOODLINES 4 Presents:


Picture Battle
Featuring
Crimson Juice vs Amgin

Rules

16 line max
Competitors have 72hrs to post a picture in this thread
They then have a further 72hrs to drop a verse
aka
Due Midnight Thurs 10th August*
Best of 7 votes
OR
Default voting rules if above not achieved within 7 days of final verse submission

LET'S GO!!

* Contact me within 24hrs if deadline is not feasible and I will extend
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 August 2017 at 3:18am
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 August 2017 at 7:17pm



Edited by Sammy - 05 August 2017 at 7:34pm
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2017 at 6:21pm
Pumpin reps adds mass to the biceps but i feel that you might inject,
Cuz the lack of sweat on the brow & pecs shouts out cheat or reject,   
I'm miffed pouting your lips on the phone like Eminem's Ken Kuniff,
Actin all bulk one punch you i'll lift,there's no saviour in that Crucifix,
Sportin a selfie tryin to look healthy bargin cap & top you ain't wealthy,
Dont come towering at me be stealthy,cuz i ring bells like your a Belfry,
Like a bitch your an attention seeker in thoughts your mind is weaker,
In rhymes i'm sweater like the Gator aid at the bottom of your beaker,
Battlin me comes with a catch raps on lock no need to check the latch,
Skinny prick if you removed your vest you'd resemble a safety match,
In this pic acting all raw truth is its the only time he'll bare arms for war,
Battlin me your doin a tour,only weights you lift is the drugs you score,
Just go with the flow learn from me and ill help you in continuing to grow,
Like Mr Bean v a sumo,my punches will leave you real cut up like an emo,


(Beaker/a cup with a lid = drinking bottle)
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 4:21am
Ring.. ring..click*

“Hello Sheriffs Department how may I help you”?




Yeah hi, I’m a Parole Officer for a guy named CJ
We’ve been following his Alter Egos online, he’s a risk of repeating
“Can you describe him to me? I’ll make a list, where was he last seen?”

He looks like the type of guy that gets off to preteens, a displeasing sight,
Like he got into it with an ugly stick, and lost the fight
“Yikes!”,
and his eyes a bit too close together, I’ll explain better..
Just enough to make you wonder if lights are on with no one in there
He walks like he’s got a hand up his ass, some type of puppet
Explains the size of that nose, can’t sleep on his stomach
“Hairstyle”?, He’s all cut, washed, and fucked up, dude is faded..
It’s been a while since- wait did you say hairstyle? It’s all the same shit..
This faggot still lives with his Grandmother in her floral basement
“Sir, watch the language”, His address is “1349”, a note we gained by interception
He wrote a letter to the Pope, dreams of sailors and child deception
Dudes a failure, and keeps feeding LA boys trying to lure them in
With votes tugging at their heart strings for that sympathy win


*Click*





Expos:
Crew Alter Egos
Wrote an OM titled 1349
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 6:19pm
Open for votes!!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 August 2017 at 2:38am

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


Crim - First off props for having the balls to do this type of battle most people here wouldn't post their fucking eye colour so I commend you. I found a lot of your attacks to be poorly presented, it's not that you had bad ideas or concepts it's just you couldn't formulate them in a way that they really had a "Oh fuck that hurt" kinda feel. I understand from your background and open mics that you have more of a poetry type feel which is cool but it doesn't translate well to battling. I believe with enough time entered you could fashion yourself into a fine battling specimen, we just have to get you thinking in the right state of mind. My favorite bar of yours is,

In this pic acting all raw truth is its the only time he'll bare arms for war,
Battlin me your doin a tour,only weights you lift is the drugs you score

the reasoning is you punched him in the set up as well as in the actual punchline. I was taught a while back by a veteran member that same trick which basically acts as a principle to never waste a line. If you had more bars like this and had some help straightening out your ideas and turning them into harder hitting punches. Either way good effort, glad you stepped out of your comfort zone.

Amgin - Why the fuck did you decide to structure your verse like this..I mean I understand the principle of maybe playing the concept for a bar or two but not the whole verse. OH, and props for dropping a pic of course as mentioned above it's a big ordeal on this forum. I totally get your angle of calling him a child molester but I feel if you use a concept for to long it really looses it's sting and can be counter productive, I've seen a lot of people in battles focus on one personal for like half of their verse because they feel it's a really dope angle but unfortunately it turns something that was dope into a drawn out long ass concept. I did think you had more comedic jabs in your verse, I see that Crim really focused on trying to downplay your physique which is fine but unfortunately it's also predictable. I did like how you used that fucking back flower decor as a hit as well because it needed to be mentioned. My favourite bar of yours had to be, 

“Yikes!”, and his eyes a bit too close together, I’ll explain better..
Just enough to make you wonder if lights are on with no one in there

Even though the rhyme is off the visual effect is fucking hilarious so props on that. I just wish you would of structured your verse as a normal battle verse because you had so much more ammo that what you used in this battle.

Overall technically this battle wasn't a hall of fame mention or anything but you can tell both guys put a strong effort fourth. I felt like Crim had more consistent jabs and Amgin had more humour in his verse. This really comes down to preferences because I don't feel one or the other really pulled away as the clear horse in this race so in the end I am going to have to vote..............

CRIM, I just felt like he had the stronger rhymes and overall verse, Amgin really disappointed me with the on going concept he used but he had a lot of humour.

Good battle both
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 August 2017 at 3:35am

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crim,
ima be honest, I wasn't really feeling your verse. I think you overly focused on having rhymes landing in specific spots that it took away from the punches actually being zingers. also the fact that I felt you were focusing on having the right rhyme placement, but regardless of that most of your rhymes are 1-2 syllables. overall, I think you came in light. no real haymakers for me to be honest.

amgin,
you took a chance doing yours in this fashion.... and for me it paid off bro. I really like how it all strung together. yea, sure you can say it didn't have many angles... but of course not, it was themed/story. I really like how this came out. you didn't really have too much real info I feel that you used in a hard way, but iyou made fun of him in a light manner that was more than enough to take the win.

best lines of the whole battle
"Dudes a failure, and keeps feeding LA boys trying to lure them in
With votes tugging at their heart strings for that sympathy win"

glad to see you both competeing, mfvgt amgin
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 August 2017 at 1:09pm
1-1...best of 5 rules here folks. Looking for first guy to get to that glorious 3 count.

Keep em coming
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 August 2017 at 11:56pm

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Ok first things first... hats off to you guys for doing this battle. I'm not sure why it's not getting the votes it deserves. Here we go kids.

Crim-
Pumpin reps adds mass to the biceps but i feel that you might inject,
Cuz the lack of sweat on the brow & pecs shouts out cheat or reject,   

---> drug reference and lack of perspiration doesn't come off as fighting words to me...I think your opener shoulda been something that would at least make him mad...but who doesn't do drugs now a days??

I'm miffed pouting your lips on the phone like Eminem's Ken Kuniff,
Actin all bulk one punch you i'll lift,there's no saviour in that Crucifix,

---> I kinda like this, nothing says you're queer like being referenced as a queer
I think you had so much more to work with besides "actin all bulk" that line coulda came out real nice had you arranged it a little different.

Sportin a selfie tryin to look healthy bargin cap & top you ain't wealthy,
Dont come towering at me be stealthy,cuz i ring bells like your a Belfry,

---> call me crazy, but a lot of this seems like backhanded compliments, not even sarcastic ones, "trying to look healthy" if he was a sickly lookin mfkr... that line could work...but nah, dude looks like he hits the gym on the regular......soooooo that's kind of a miss for me. I do like the "belfry" part... and that would hold true with a solid punch.

Like a bitch your an attention seeker in thoughts your mind is weaker,
In rhymes i'm sweater like the Gator aid at the bottom of your beaker,

--->I'm seeing a lot of self praise, and that's good... but no punch...I think this line was too focused on rhyming.

Battlin me comes with a catch raps on lock no need to check the latch,
Skinny prick if you removed your vest you'd resemble a safety match,

---> yes! Good rhyming....nice set up and an observational punch....this is what I was hoping for in this kinda battle. **best line.

In this pic acting all raw truth is its the only time he'll bare arms for war,
Battlin me your doin a tour,only weights you lift is the drugs you score,

---> and we're back to being polite... again nothing wrong with drug references, but in such a short battle two is too many. There was so much material to work with here. And it could be utilized in good fun without being too harsh.

Just go with the flow learn from me and ill help you in continuing to grow,
Like Mr Bean v a sumo,my punches will leave you real cut up like an emo,

--->so....you end with an offer to help him elevate.... that's nice and considerate...I was more or less hoping for a curb stomp... but this works too. Again you invest words on your abilities to punch, but for the finale it was sort of lack luster.


Amgin-
Ring.. ring..click*

“Hello Sheriffs Department how may I help you”?



Yeah hi, I’m a Parole Officer for a guy named CJ
We’ve been following his Alter Egos online, he’s a risk of repeating
“Can you describe him to me? I’ll make a list, where was he last seen?” >>set up for verse is good
He looks like the type of guy that gets off to preteens, a displeasing sight,
Like he got into it with an ugly stick, and lost the fight---> not hard but chuckle worthy
“Yikes!”, and his eyes a bit too close together, I’ll explain better..
Just enough to make you wonder if lights are on with no one in there
He walks like he’s got a hand up his ass, some type of puppet
Explains the size of that nose, can’t sleep on his stomach
“Hairstyle”?, He’s all cut, washed, and fucked up, dude is faded..
It’s been a while since- wait did you say hairstyle? It’s all the same shit.. --->> I like what you did with this one **best line
This faggot still lives with his Grandmother in her floral basement-->good follow up
“Sir, watch the language”, His address is “1349”, a note we gained by interception
He wrote a letter to the Pope, dreams of sailors and child deception
Dudes a failure, and keeps feeding LA boys trying to lure them in
With votes tugging at their heart strings for that sympathy win---->decent closer.


*Click*

I'd go line for line on this too, but your structure is something to be desired. I like how you approached this. Can't go wrong with a skit to set up imagery and I like how you tossed playful jabs while in character, that gave it a different perspective. You stuck with some basic observational punches, "eyes, nose, hair, floral pattern" nothing really harsh but it took the angle you used in this battle to a creative level being as it is a picture battle... and your choice of characters to "describe" him was a nice touch. Rhyming was a bit forced in some places , but it still worked out well enough.

Bottom line... I think amig verse was more suitable for this type of battle. Vote Amig.
"My name has the most shout outs in the history of rap...."
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 August 2017 at 6:40am

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Creativity - definitely A
Multis - A if anyone
Punchlines - A in a humorous way
Wordplay - neither really


Vote Amig for a more creative approach also a more humorous and entertaining verse in my opinion
Amig "explains the size of his nose cant sleep on his stomach" lmao
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 August 2017 at 9:55pm

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First up guys, massive respect for offering up them mugshots you ugly fuckers, you both came out losers overall, but someone has to win right
I jest here and to be fair you both look like cool guys "it's nice to put a face to a name so props"

Crim
1 it's a pretty good start man you gone str8 for the picture and called him out on that obvious pose, punch kinda fell short of a stinger but the concept was there
2 it's just a case of getting your wording and placement correct conceptually you are finding angles but execution wise you are fluffing your lines..So pouting lips should have been worked into the punchline
3 it's more of the same bro, the punchline was his clothing being cheap but you had it as the set up
4 so this was mild at best part brag part statement but no part punching
5 it was funny and I got the angle but a bit contradictory
6 nah not feeling this one
7 it's bragging at best mate..no hit

Amgee
1...nah fuck it I can't do the bar for bar thing with you here
You have chosen to walk an unorthodox path with this work and it may or may not pay off!
Standard battle forget it this approach would never work against a solid battler but picture battle kinda throws away the rule book
You took a chance and tbh I was not impressed with this.....but I can't deny the big nose stomach sleeping thing and the the floral basement number were heavy hitting crushing blows and they pretty much much cleaned crims clock
Stuff like the sympathy vote thing we're shit though mainly because they had nothing to do with the picture

You took the risk it almost backfired but as it stands you did have those couple hits that out classed the brother Crimson
Close battle well done to both
Vote Amginkiins de runt

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 September 2017 at 12:58am
Paracosm, as outlined in my PM to you, this vote requires more meat to be allowed. 

Spume closed this out before you edited.

Amgin wins 3-1

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