Spotlight: [BL4] Cruel Summer [KOTM]

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Neek View Drop Down
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    Posted: 21 July 2017 at 9:20pm



felt putrid breath down my back…

the chhhhhhhuchhhh, wasnt a rattlesnake
dilophosaurus spread his wings - peacock colorings
knees knocked, heart beat stopped, fervently
"what a wicked hangover," - fuck this fermented wheat

did a "hey look" and booked for the monkey puzzle tree
B.I.G's sasquatch analogy, abundantly covered me 
no time to be colicky, focus on notions of elbow grease
stuck between brimstone and beaches of Normandy

grabbed 2 branches, snapped them - halves of each
wanted to make the tips jagged, to stab with ease
but these, are more for whips, than a dagger it seems
so its Indiana Jones meets Jurassic Park in 3D

"Ughhhh", word up to Master P. 

a second beast has arrived, they begin gathering
didnt think this was a pack animal breed, I concede
got two options, "full gusto" cant backpeddle in peace
gotta keep them separated, like its Offspring in 1993

thinking "Come Out and Play… " is a natural decree

"take your time, just breathe" - echoing gallantly
sweating buckets, aerial view, their under the sea
crabs in a barrel mentality, utterly lunging the peak
feelin punished in heat, start to percussion a beat

"hey hey..over here" Timone and Pumbaa part 3

ingenuity left a few tricks up the sleeve
skin itching, feeling like the quickening's in me 
briskly, break twigs and start flicking the beasts
as brontosaurus approaches, im gripping the leaves
he takes a big ass bite.. and all I can think… 

"oh shit" and then it swings… 

Edited by The Law - 21 July 2017 at 11:12pm
#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2017 at 1:40am
Yep this'll work just fine,in the first segment alone there as a lot of depiction cracking,
via the colouring of a crested lizard and the alcohol (fermented wheat) causing you a
headache,shit even the clanging of the knees & heart rate was simple but effective as
this gave an added layer,the thing is you didn't rest on your laurels either,as you started
with sprite you carried this though with sprite,the details are very subtle conifers trees/
Sasquatch in the next section also,the thing that I'm finding confusing (pls elaborate),
is the spatial globe trotting,Normandy and the trees being in America and the crested
lizard which is from Chile,anyways i also loved the film references within this piece,they
came thick and fast really,this piece came with an off the cuff vibe stamped all over it,
kind of abstract too,your certainly a knowledgeable guy,I had to read this 3 times
before i got the imagery you were conveying,a real quick read too via the quick skit
inclusions,added pace to the read and offered a course change to,clever really as you
forced a way to give this drop scope,enjoyable read my man...peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2017 at 5:22pm
Spotlighted for BL4 - will read & feed later homie
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 July 2017 at 6:33pm
Nice little drop for the BL4 KOTM. Had some cool references and section of nice imagery. (dilo/peacock, jones/jurassic, and the sasquatch analogy). Other descriptions were down well like "echoing gallantly". 

lol at the timoan and pumba part 3. The ending I'm assuming that was him pulling the tree back and then flinging up and you went flying. That's what I am picturing anyways. 

I enjoyed it. Didn't have the depth, or background. Just threw you right into what was happened and how it ended. Kinda reminded me of a short skit before a one of those children movies starts. 
Go my Minions!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DjFlame Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 July 2017 at 6:15pm
I was looking forward to reading this because you're always willing to break conventions found in text. You didn't disappoint.


the chhhhhhhuchhhh, wasnt a rattlesnake
dilophosaurus spread his wings - peacock colorings
knees knocked, heart beat stopped, fervently
"what a wicked hangover," - fuck this fermented wheat

This was pretty nasty, I'm a fan of that short set-up with a pause in the "punchline." Nice humor aspect too, calling it fermented wheat.

id a "hey look" and booked for the monkey puzzle tree
B.I.G's sasquatch analogy, abundantly covered me
no time to be colicky, focus on notions of elbow grease
stuck between brimstone and beaches of Normandy

This is what I'm talking about when I said you've got punchlines in your topical works. It's entertaining as fuck to read. The B.I.G. bar was pretty good. I liked the historical allusion kn the second bar too.


grabbed 2 branches, snapped them - halves of each
wanted to make the tips jagged, to stab with ease
but these, are more for whips, than a dagger it seems
so its Indiana Jones meets Jurassic Park in 3D

Fourth bar is another example. It's just funny and unorthodox. I'm also digging the rapid fire flow here.


a second beast has arrived, they begin gathering
didnt think this was a pack animal breed, I concede
got two options, "full gusto" cant backpeddle in peace
gotta keep them separated, like its Offspring in 1993


Good job advancing the story. I like that your character explains his thought process. Oftentimes, we get characters making decisions simply because of the plot.


"take your time, just breathe" - echoing gallantly
sweating buckets, aerial view, their under the sea
crabs in a barrel mentality, utterly lunging the peak
feelin punished in heat, start to percussion a beat

Multis flowed off the tongue well here. The crabs in a bucket joint gives it a little bit of flavor, that's my favorite aspect of this piece.

genuity left a few tricks up the sleeve
skin itching, feeling like the quickening's in me
briskly, break twigs and start flicking the beasts
as brontosaurus approaches, im gripping the leaves
he takes a big ass bite.. and all I can think…

Pretty nice multis. That third bar flows extremely well in particular.

I liked this piece a lot Neek. You kept it fun and light hearted, and that will cause it to stand out. Lyrically, everything is fine.
He only here to warn us what the plan is
The hour is upon us, it's bananas
Born alone, die alone, no matter who your man is
Hope he live long enough to tell it to his grandkids
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2017 at 2:21am


let's see how much of this De Vinci's Code we can crack.

Quote felt putrid breath down my back…


"Who is SELF ACTIVATE for 2000, Alex."

Quote the chhhhhhhuchhhh, wasnt a rattlesnake
dilophosaurus spread his wings - peacock colorings


"What is Jurassic Park?"
"Be more specific please"
"What is Newman doing in Jurassic Park"
"The judges will accept that"

Quote knees knocked, heart beat stopped, fervently
"what a wicked hangover," - fuck this fermented wheat


Lol

The was dope. Your ability to interject comedy into a verses is second to none.

Quote did a "hey look" and booked for the monkey puzzle tree


That's an obscure ass reference. But the imagery that single tree possesses on its own makes this entire drop worth it. I don't know who else would even think of some shit like that ... well, maybe Law, Cuba, or CHAIN ... but that's about it. Still dope asf.

Quote B.I.G's sasquatch analogy, abundantly covered me 


"What is Who Shot Ya for 4000, Alex"

Quote no time to be colicky, focus on notions of elbow grease
stuck between brimstone and beaches of Normandy


That's a Christopher Nolan level metaphor and comparisons. Hell and war (in particular WW2, more specifically, D Day) one in the same.

Quote grabbed 2 branches, snapped them - halves of each
wanted to make the tips jagged, to stab with ease


Your imagery is next level and your ability to paint a picture seems effortless. You're a master of word placement as well.

Quote but these, are more for whips, than a dagger it seems
so its Indiana Jones meets Jurassic Park in 3D


"Someone get Spielberg on the phone."
"And what should we tell him"
"That we've found his progeny and true heir to his empire"

Quote
"Ughhhh", word up to Master P. 


You're showing your age.

But

don't forget the Na-nah na-nah.

Quote a second beast has arrived, they begin gathering
didnt think this was a pack animal breed, I concede
got two options, "full gusto" cant backpeddle in peace
gotta keep them separated, like its Offspring in 1993

thinking "Come Out and Play… " is a natural decree


HEEEYA, are you under 18? Cos now you're going too far!

Quote
"take your time, just breathe" - echoing gallantly
sweating buckets, aerial view, their under the sea


The Little Mermaid, bro? Pass the DMT.

Quote crabs in a barrel mentality, utterly lunging the peak


Nice transitional wordplay.
Quote feelin punished in heat, start to percussion a beat
"hey hey..over here" Timone and Pumbaa part 3


*Do.not.compute.hakuna.matata*

ACCESS DENIED

Quote ingenuity left a few tricks up the sleeve
skin itching, feeling like the quickening's in me 
briskly, break twigs and start flicking the beasts
as brontosaurus approaches, im gripping the leaves
he takes a big ass bite.. and all I can think… 

"oh shit" and then it swings… 


[Insert Random Jurassic Park movie clip]

Anyway, all jokes aside, this was a fun and wildly original read, full of dope imagery, nostalgic moments, pop culture references, and insane imagination.

Only you would attempt something like this and not only succeed at it, but also exceed your audience's collective expectations.

Dope entry.

Peace...
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