Forum LockedText Battle Archive: [BL4]LA Topical Title: Nigma v Ill ScriptureZ[3-2]

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: [BL4]LA Topical Title: Nigma v Ill ScriptureZ[3-2]
    Posted: 12 July 2017 at 8:30pm
BLOODLINES 4 Presents:
Nigma vs Ill Scripturez
For the Topical Title

Rules
32 line max
Due Midnight Sun 16th July*
Best of 7 votes
OR
Default voting rules if above not achieved within 7 days of final verse submission

Topic:

LET'S GO!!

* Contact me within 24hrs if deadline is not feasible and I will extend




Edited by Cuba - 26 July 2017 at 7:30pm
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Topical ChampOpen Mic of the Month
Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 July 2017 at 2:15am
I get Sundays/Mondays off so I'll take an extra day if that's cool Ill.

Check, good luck.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 July 2017 at 2:31am
Yeah man, whatever you need
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 July 2017 at 2:37pm
Please end the beast Inside me (inside me)
I need you to do it I need you to shoot it 
…That silver bullet 

My hair lays sinister & bleak, insecure, similar to me
With a physical mystique the pinnacle has peaked for mythical beliefs
Cultivating diabolic rendition rituals of Sikhs
Seeking villagers to eat. Purists, tourists, visitors from east
Each sip a withered signature of picnickers to feast
Whose pillager deceit lingers like cinnamon sticking to my teeth
Wilted. Deceased is the little girl whose innocence was stolen
By wickedness a victim to this vicious grip of “broken”
His pitiful sinfulness villainous controlling… is painted
By the pain stained equivalence of how a missile hits an ocean
[Explosion] Erotic emotion as his warm rotted devotion
Showers me as a torn Goddess with sore spotted corrosion
Living lavish from hunted humans I’ve ravaged in London’s ruins
As midnight strikes I wreak havoc on drunken students
Famished from passion & love, a wolf heartsick with pleasure
When gorging on organs of men, harlots whoever!
Next day at noon I awake nude with a wine glasses of blood
Head spinning, breasts dripping with my back on the tub
Swig after swig reflecting on the actions I’ve done
The fact that this stud had me to cum has me practically numb
My eyes close romanticizing our relations to be true 
Reality escaping, actuality replacing temptations to reboot
For decades stalking gentleman for enslavement just like you 
Until a silver bullet I weep for ends the rage I cannot lose

Please end the beast Inside me (inside me)
I need you to do it I need you to shoot it 
…That silver bullet 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 July 2017 at 3:57am




>Loading AOL Messenger v3.13

>Signing in...

>>>Welcome Back, CateStrk

>Reminder tonight: Red Wedding<



ASL? 26, female, lethal looks, from the streets of Brooklyn.

A fanatic for fantasy, you need a freak? <--- She’s your women

Sweet as pudding, cooking was a tactic, that’s my trapping card

Near the shores I’m renowned for the chorus of attraction scars

Sometimes enacting harm in fact, but never would I scratch a partner

Still, I’m forceful, the sailor swears I’m grabbing him with Kraken arms

Tonight, I have a target. I said hi, he messaged back with hearts

I’m gassed, lethargic, planning my part in this satanic hardship

It’s ironic how my roots are black and past is darkened

He came over, glance was arctic, door closed. Two beasts awoken

Perceived the heats emotions a demon spoke of, from dreams in motion

Over seas and oceans, seen the scenes unfolding commotion

Freedom’s goal is a sacrifice, I’ll plead devotion to hemoglobin

Evil knows what’s sewn in the substance eclipsed in a shadow

The gift of a phantom, kissing with passion

Pinching and grabbing, constrictions emphatic

Bridging the gap with ventricular patterns

Eclipsing his vision with tricks and with magic

Blackened glimpse from a ghastly princess

Dripping in madness, equipped with a gadget I’d stashed discrete

Panic peaked. Restraints have contained him. He’s fragile and weak.

Was only a knife, you’d think it was a hatchet by those acrid shrieks

The slash, serene. His eyes are wide in horror as the gashes weep

Clasp and squeeze, he squeaks, a failed attempt to gasp and breathe

I stand supreme above a casket like the lavish life of castle queens

Lashing like Alaskan beasts, a massive species, packs elites.

And win the mental battle with the avarice of Aztec fleets

Glance back at him, slightly calmer, now he’s captivated. Trance,

At ease, at least he had his health. The scenes a hellish fantasy

Exactly what he’d paid for, I’m prime contestant but hazards seen

The gash run clean through my vertebral vein. In spats, it bleeds

No regard for foreshadowing the place my face will land, deceased.



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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 July 2017 at 3:11pm
Let's go people
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 July 2017 at 11:53am

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


iLL firstly your display in multi syllables was strong here,especially at the start where
they just blended together effortlessly,quite impressive i must say,plus they came off
as natural and unforced and set a good tone from the start,within there was plenty of
detail to be had also,which made this a vivid piece with lots of imagery to pool from,i
also liked the fact you included a kind of back story too,about her once having some
innocents,like how she's a victim to in all of this carnage she causes with her own hands so to speak,as it added depth to the story's progression and also made for an
engrossing read,the ending was also nice,how she yearns for release of her torment
via a silver bullet,nicely expressed and written here Champ,a solid read..

Nigma i must type here your opening was unorthodox in the sense you started with an
acronym,and then provided the description to boot,a clever and creative stance that,i
thought,your inner rhymes were also popping off here by using assonace,something
i do like to read in verses as it shows depth in vocab,you imagery was also nice,and in
parts subtle too like the line "near the shores i'm renowned for the chorus of attraction
scars",which promotes what i'm saying,and just to highlight one of many within this
verse as a whole,and the progression of the subject matter was nice also,as i got a real
vivid picture of a blood thirsty homicidal prostitute,& that skit in mid verse just before
she flips and starts stabbing him was cool,your similes were nice also within,"I stand
supreme above a casket like the lavish life of a castle queens" and the knife/hatchet,
again only to highlight a few of many,again some came off subtle like the Kraken's
arms,i really liked this piece,it gives much to a person on reading if noticed,like iLL's a solid read..


Overall a real real ripe battle here,the Champ came with a tale of woes and pitty,and
Nigma came with a blood letting prostitute,this is hard to call really as both had stand
up verses here,and displayed their talents too,so after reading both again and again
(truth),I'm going to go with Nigma here's why,he storyline was highly original plus he
brought a lot to the table in the way content,(multis/similes/progression/creativity),
and although ILL had that too to be honest,so I'm may be going against the grain so to
type,but the original vibe of Nigma's earns my nod,props guys a hard one to call this..


Vote..Nigma..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 July 2017 at 8:31pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


That's really fucking annoying...I just broke this battle down to massive detail and the post didn't fucking work. Sorry guys, but I am going to do a cut-down version of what I said. 

Ill
Overall, really great verse...immensely high quality and a great read

+ves...rhyme scheme was intense without being overwhelming, you had pieces of imagery that were superb, e.g. cinnamon stick; and that London's ruins line was flawless. I also really liked the segment towards the end where you made more of a 'character play' and talked about the conflict within her. 

-ves...I think you could've made more of that conflict, it felt like a real missed opportunity for me as a reader that you only really started to bring that personality dynamic into it towards the end. Those are the types of things I look for in a piece to really separate it from the great technical pieces of writing to the truly great drops. You are one of the rare few who have that ability and although I thought this was a great verse I think if you'd brought more of that internal conflict out throughout the entire verse you could've had a classic. I also wasn't a fan of the silver bullet thing, it just felt like fluff.

Nigs
Again, another really great verse...as someone who doesn't read as many drops as I maybe should do the maturity and growth in your writing style is amazing to see. 

+ves...caught my intrigue right from the start, I think right away you showed a clear difference between yourself and Ill as I felt like your quirk added to the underlying narrative of the story, whereas his felt fluffy. I also loved that whole ASL thing, the idea of her being a predator hawking people on AOL was immense. Kraken arms was swag, loved the whole concept. Metaphors were great, "glance was arctic". Great. "plead devotion to haemoglobin". Amazing. That 4 line segment where you switched it up was magnificent. The descriptive and moving of the narrative throughout was top tier too. 

-ves...wtf is an attraction scar?! I also think you had a missed opportunity to tie the ending back into the image at the end. Like you could've had her ending up in the bathtub reflecting on the kill. Like it was a bit "inspired by" the image, whereas Ill actually managed to directly tie it in which was pretty dope. Other main criticism was the section at the end where you were describing the kill didn't really have any 'character touches' in there, you just need that one flash of colourful imagery (bit like the cinnamon stick thing Ill did) and then it becomes perfect. There were a couple of moments where you threw me off slightly on the rhythm, but were relatively minor. Again, I think these are the things that separate it from a "great verse" to a "classic verse"

Overall
I felt like this was a close battle & one that does a title battle event proud. I sincerely hope we get loads of votes over the weekend to take it all the way to 7, as I feel like that's what it deserves. As for my vote, it comes down to my personal preference and what I personally look for is a verse that has that high technical qualities but also transcends them and captures me up in a story and narrative. For me, that verse on this occasion was Nigma's - as a writer I can appreciate you both had great verses written with great quality, but as a reader I just felt more caught up in Nigma's and that he had a more compelling offering. So he gets my vote.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 July 2017 at 9:02pm
Thanks for all of the honesty and votes... 2-0

Good work Nigs!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2017 at 5:54pm

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Ill - First off I love how you opened it up with a little "monologue so to speak" it really clarifies where your characters mind frames at. Your first four opening bars set the standard high as fuck due to the fluidity of your rhyming and the imagery that the words carried. The way you tied your multies together with the unique vocabulary not only painted a dope picture but impressed me as a writer. Now you start tying in your back story on your character, I your use of vocab again and I'm seriously impressed at your level of rhyming so far and how well you've tied in the descriptive qualities of your character.

Living lavish from hunted humans I’ve ravaged in London’s ruins
As midnight strikes I wreak havoc on drunken students
Famished from passion & love, a wolf heartsick with pleasure
When gorging on organs of men, harlots whoever!
Next day at noon I awake nude with a wine glasses of blood
Head spinning, breasts dripping with my back on the tub


This paragraph was dope as fuck IMO. I really enjoyed the development of the storyline and once again that complex rhyming which has been a huge highlight as i've mentioned before. I can really paint this picture in my head which is exactly what I want from a topical. I would consider your last six lines the "closer" and you tied this piece together so well, I felt that your story was not only compelling but the level of lyricism that you showed was a staple. Dope effort Ill, this is certainly final worthy.



Nigma - See this is what I love about having two dope fucking topicalists going at it head to head, you both chose different ways to approach the topic and by reading your opening bars I'm already excited to see what's up. I felt your opening stanza was quite a bit less dark from Ill's which was a cool choice because the picture is pretty morbid ofc..I thought that kraken arms rhyme was sickness btw.

Tonight, I have a target. I said hi, he messaged back with hearts

I’m gassed, lethargic, planning my part in this satanic hardship

It’s ironic how my roots are black and past is darkened

He came over, glance was arctic, door closed. Two beasts awoken

Perceived the heats emotions a demon spoke of, from dreams in motion

Over seas and oceans, seen the scenes unfolding commotion

Freedom’s goal is a sacrifice, I’ll plead devotion to hemoglobin

Evil knows what’s sewn in the substance eclipsed in a shadow

The gift of a phantom, kissing with passion

Pinching and grabbing, constrictions emphatic

Bridging the gap with ventricular patterns

Eclipsing his vision with tricks and with magic

Blackened glimpse from a ghastly princess


Now this is a nice twist, it's almost like the "beastmode" get's turned on and you can really see the dark side of this bitch. I loved the way you set up the meeting and then those bars at the end which were rhyming highlights that also developed the story well, big props on that. I also found that you used a broad range of your vocabulary which makes the read way more interesting, you both do it really well. After this you really turn on the over drive with the description of her tearing him up which was a great visual and there were no hiccups in the storyline whatsoever. You tied it up at the end nicely after she finishes the kill, the entire piece was really well written and delivered professionally.



Overall you both wrote impeccable verses and came with flawless stories so IMO it really comes down to preference on how each writer attacked the narrative. Personally, I loved Ill's choice of words and his rhyme schemes, there's no knock on either mans story. So for that I am going to lean a cunt hair in Ill's direction and he gets my vote,


Vote Ill Scrips

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 July 2017 at 1:24pm
2-1 Nigs...this will be best of 5 now that a week has passed.

Get off the fence guys, these guys can enter the OM King event if they want another shot at the title in BL4...and can always do a call out afterwards if not.

It's not really a big deal either way. Let's get voting.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 July 2017 at 2:08pm

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My hair lays sinister & bleak, insecure, similar to me
With a physical mystique the pinnacle has peaked for mythical beliefs
Cultivating diabolic rendition rituals of Sikhs
Seeking villagers to eat. Purists, tourists, visitors from east
Each sip a withered signature of picnickers to feast
Whose pillager deceit lingers like cinnamon sticking to my teeth
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Liking the opener on this piece. Nice description of this bitch.
"My hair lays sinister and bleak". Most dicksucking thots can
be described like this. The vocabulary is topnotch and flow is
good.

Wilted. Deceased is the little girl whose innocence was stolen
By wickedness a victim to this vicious grip of “broken”
His pitiful sinfulness villainous controlling… is painted
By the pain stained equivalence of how a missile hits an ocean
[Explosion] Erotic emotion as his warm rotted devotion
Showers me as a torn Goddess with sore spotted corrosion
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Ok ok ok, now you are giving some ideas of this whores past.
What lead up to her being a thot queen. That sore spotted
corrosion is nasty as fuck. I liked the imagery.


Living lavish from hunted humans I’ve ravaged in London’s ruins
As midnight strikes I wreak havoc on drunken students
Famished from passion & love, a wolf heartsick with pleasure
When gorging on organs of men, harlots whoever!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Vampire thot queen showing her true colors. The flow is dope and
the content is right up my alley. This was nice. I defo like that
ending bar in this segment.

Next day at noon I awake nude with a wine glasses of blood
Head spinning, breasts dripping with my back on the tub
Swig after swig reflecting on the actions I’ve done
The fact that this stud had me to cum has me practically numb
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The fuck. I liked how you added a description of the picture in
here. Definitely a nice touch. Very horrish piece so far. A
little quick but hasnt taken away from the piece.


My eyes close romanticizing our relations to be true
Reality escaping, actuality replacing temptations to reboot
For decades stalking gentleman for enslavement just like you
Until a silver bullet I weep for ends the rage I cannot lose
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A serial killer who is suicidal. Thats a different type of
fucked up. The ending could have been a little more stronger
i was hope that some crazy twist would take place but
hey, who am i right?

_______________________________________________________________________________


ASL? 26, female, lethal looks, from the streets of Brooklyn.
A fanatic for fantasy, you need a freak? <--- She’s your women
Sweet as pudding, cooking was a tactic, that’s my trapping card
Near the shores I’m renowned for the chorus of attraction scars
Sometimes enacting harm in fact, but never would I scratch a partner
Still, I’m forceful, the sailor swears I’m grabbing him with Kraken arms
Tonight, I have a target. I said hi, he messaged back with hearts
I’m gassed, lethargic, planning my part in this satanic hardship
It’s ironic how my roots are black and past is darkened
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
That opener is a nice creative touch. Flow is hard to follow.
It stutters and mid bar its dope. Its weird to say the least. As
for content, this is starting off nicely. No complaints there.


He came over, glance was arctic, door closed. Two beasts awoken
Perceived the heats emotions a demon spoke of, from dreams in motion
Over seas and oceans, seen the scenes unfolding commotion
Freedom’s goal is a sacrifice, I’ll plead devotion to hemoglobin
Evil knows what’s sewn in the substance eclipsed in a shadow
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Content this is dope. Nice imagery here but again, the flow stopped.
Its like you trolling us man. The last bar here and transitioning
into the next bar was an aprubt stop. I was expecting a extra syllable
and it never came.


The gift of a phantom, kissing with passion
Pinching and grabbing, constrictions emphatic
Bridging the gap with ventricular patterns
Eclipsing his vision with tricks and with magic
Blackened glimpse from a ghastly princess
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This flowed much better and came off easy. Content
is still there and im digging the imagery.


Dripping in madness, equipped with a gadget I’d stashed discrete
Panic peaked. Restraints have contained him. He’s fragile and weak.
Was only a knife, you’d think it was a hatchet by those acrid shrieks
The slash, serene. His eyes are wide in horror as the gashes weep
Clasp and squeeze, he squeaks, a failed attempt to gasp and breathe
I stand supreme above a casket like the lavish life of castle queens
Lashing like Alaskan beasts, a massive species, packs elites.
And win the mental battle with the avarice of Aztec fleets
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You went beast with part. Definitely feeling the imagery


Glance back at him, slightly calmer, now he’s captivated. Trance,
At ease, at least he had his health. The scenes a hellish fantasy
Exactly what he’d paid for, I’m prime contestant but hazards seen
The gash run clean through my vertebral vein. In spats, it bleeds
No regard for foreshadowing the place my face will land, deceased.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This was a nice ending. The flow picked up at the end of this verse.
The beginning it seemed forced just to get the writing going. You
picked up stride midway through and took off.




This is going to be a hard one. Nigma had a more detailed verse
but the abrudt ending of a flow in the beginning made me read it
a few times over. ILL Scripts had the flow and technical aspect down
to a tee but story wasnt as detailed.



MVGT - ILLSCRIPTZ


Reason - Though this is a topical and a Nigma had a more detailed
piece, the flow killed the topical from progressing smoothly. This
threw me off and i couldnt read through Nigmas piece as cleanly.
Both verse were good shit and i applaud them.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 July 2017 at 12:56am

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Ill -


While I wasn't fond of the 'end the beast inside me' part, as it wasn't impactful/intriguing as an 'opener', I thoroughly loved how you started off the narrative. Your technical ability is obviously incredibly advanced at this point and the way you combined your schemes so seamlessly without affecting the progression of the story was another highlight to this verse. But you also had very vivid descriptions throughout, which allowed you to develop the 'right' atmosphere from an early point on. And you did it very well. The vocabulary you used really provided a degree of accessibility to the narrative. It was natural and contributed nicely to the original imagery you used, like the cinnamon/ocean/London's ruins parts. The reoccurring 'silver bullet' didn't seem to be that impactful compared to your preceding lines, but it still added a nice, constant element to the progression of your story (and the theme of redemption). Speaking of which, I actually would've liked to see some more depth to the overall 'story'. I appreciate that you kind of revealed the 'reason' (for lack of a better word) for the circumstances you depicted, and you alluded to them towards the ending section, but it would've been interesting to see some more details to the reason you provided as you really gave them (directly) in the last four lines. That's a rather minor point though. It was an amazing read overall.



Nigma - 


I thought your overall approach was very creative. Incorporating the messenger with the ASL part really made the story play out in the head (immediately), providing a relatable scenery within the modern context. I wasn't fond of the 'trapping card/'attraction scars' bar in the beginning, as it wasn't as effective as your introductory lines in terms of story progression, but I can definitely see it as a contributory factor in the 'bigger picture'. The 'kraken arms' segment was just amazing, though. Along with the 'Hemoglobin' and Aztec fleets references, just to name a few, very cleverly incorporated and just original throughout. You used highly descriptive language throughout and employed rather unconventional imagery, such as the aforementioned fleet one, which made for an overall original read. Your scheme in the beginning wasn't consistent, at least not to me, but after the attraction scars bit I thoroughly enjoyed the highly advanced technical side of the verse, especially the usage of assonance. I really liked how everything 'unfolded', the story itself had a great balance of direct and abstract patterns, which I really appreciate. The ending and execution of the concept were expertly done.  



Truly great verses from both. I think this is an incredibly close battle, but both writers had slightly different values to their writing and approach which made everything that much better. While Ill had a great concept (as well as execution of that concept) and demonstrated his incredible technical ability, I do think that Nigma had a slightly more creative approach and intriguing narrative with a few more relevant details, especially in the ending section. Vote - Nigma. 


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 July 2017 at 7:31pm
Damn Crimbo, why you fucking up my first post and shit?!

Anyways...

AND STILL...Topical Champion of the WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLDDDD

Nigma!!!

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