Open Mic: Brothers ft. H4ZE

Damn this really touched me.... Wow.... Kinda speechless at the moment... I had a few tears reading this but hey I'm human the emotion in this piece deserves all of LA's attention alone you both did a great job writing on this difficult topic and this was a dope read
Law- both of your verses were full of emotion that got to me quickly your second verse had tears rolling down my eyes, schemes arnt much in a topic like this but you nailed it on both of the verses and the flow was also great... After this I have more respect for you on a different level this is some of the best stuff I've seen from you well done man
H4ZE- wow the emotion was also in both of your verses and really carried through, the last verse got to me and had me tearing up as well, schemes arnt important like I say but you also nailed it with this piece and the flow was all around good props on this I also am looking at you different after this one.

Overall you guys really got the waterworks... Had me speechless for awhile. I may be wrong but It seemed like some of it was a bit inspired by ill mind 7? I could be wrong either way this was a dope drop and I honestly think so far this should win OMOTM but who cares if it doesn't.
Good drop guys!! Stay extremely blessed

Thank you both for the feedback. 

Yo deep collab

H4ZE you've been on a writing spree and you really impressed me on this the depth you went at describing how the effects of the tragedy with emotion and skill great read fam

LAW your verse was also great wonder how long you guys were writing for this
You guys went at this with factual experiences one who lost someone they loved could

I liked how both individuals on the piece had solid rhymes and a great flow nothing stretched just fluvial content great work guys i loved this alot

Off the charts post fellas, really sucks the emotion out of you.. Both of you guys wrote with the so much emotional knowledge I dont think someone in that situation could of actually did better.. I was hooked after the first bar, the rhymes and the depth was flawless.. A+ fellas

You guys smashed this one to smithereens
Kept the whole thing together an really drew me in
Great collaboration

This was a great read guys. I am a sucker for an emotionally driven narrative. Genuinely a fresh topic for me. You both did a great job highlight the contrast between the first two verses and the second, while still holding onto the grand scheme. It feels complete in terms ofnarration. The flow worked for the most part. This may not have been the most intricate piece in terms of mechanics. But the high strung emotional content more than .makes up for that.

yes, Thanks for the feedback sensei. 

I really think Freeda hit this on the head with the positive vibes being a refreshing thing to see in the OM section... I personally felt this piece was a very well written well structured look into each of your resilient spirits.... This is the sort of stuff I've been waiting to see from YOU HAZE!!! you hit the flow told the story and maintained your thoughts through out and really gripped the reader! BRAVO!

Really dope, and H4ZE knows that I can relate to it. Both of you flowed really smoothly, and it was an instant hook to read on since it started with Law. I really enjoyed the big brother-little brother relationship throughout it, which is something I can heavily relate to as well. So props for a really great piece. Really fresh topic, also. It was a great read and it was really enjoyable. 

"When I heard the news, my emotions started to climax

The worry, the brokeness put my heart in a bypass

How could this happen? How could they die, blazed up?

My mother…. My Father…. Suppose to be alive… to raise us

How am I going to tell my little brother what happened?

How am I supposed to cover the sadness, we've sat in

When I can't even function for my next breath

I need instructions for this next step…

I'm eighteen years old, with a younger sibling

Feeling like our future went fucking missing..

I love him to death, but how can I be a guardian

When life's already got me stuck with it's worst artisan. 

But I have to step up, and be a man for my brother

I have to comfort him, I have to be their while he suffers

It's sickening, did they even make it to heaven?

Is god looking after us? cause he wasn't in their presence

I question it, I'm threatened not knowing where we're headed

Not knowing if something above is even with us this second. 

So I walk through the door….

I wipe the tears off my cheek, put my face in disguise

Keeping my emotions strong, I look straight in his eyes

"Young brother, something bad happened and I have to explain,

Mom and dad had a terrible accident today,

and they aren't going to make it back home" as soon as I said it, again I felt the terror

I reached my arms out to support him, when I needed his support more than ever….---I apologize for sleeping on this...This is the exact shit i love reading...when people of your caliber go and actually put the time in and make something like this....I loved how you built the story up...you hit with emotion and you made the reader just want to keep on going...I also enjoyed the fact in the beginning you made it seem like you had to be there for your sibling but in your last line you made it known  you needed him as much as he needed you....that was some dope talented story writing rite there..some of your best work is in that verse law....

H4ZE:

"No, I don't believe it!" Tears run down my face, the pain comes

Hate runs through my body, God's supposed to keep them safe but,

I knew he wasn't real, I can't believe they're really gone, now

I'm cryin in my brothers arms, he's tellin' me to calm down

"How the hell can I stay calm when our parent's just died!"

Then I see tears run down his cheeks as I stare in his eyes

What are we gonna do with out them? we need their support

Now I'm having an asthma attack, and I need air for sure

I'm balling my eyes out, and I'm not even thinkin straight

Where will we go brother? we will need a place to stay

I just can't believe they left us, I guess god hates us

I already hated my life, and had problems with anger

Then this happens, and it just adds to my struggle

And if you can hear me, mom and dad, know I love you

God, you're the one who let this happen so fuck you

I'm thinkin' bout endin' it, I can't pass through this rubble

I can't handle this, damn it man, I'm mad and confused

Do I tell people or not, What's gonna happen at school?

I wonder how my brother feels, this is hell on earth.

I don't even have to ask him, I can tell he's hurt.

"What are we gonna do brother, where will we live?

Why did this happen, I wasn't prepared for this shit

Does God love us, why doesn't he care for his kids?"

Then brother says, "just know that our parents, they did

  I have to be honest you are an up and coming writer for this site...you have taken advice and used it to your advantage...I thought the story telling on this verse was top notch....You nailed it when it came to keeping the story interesting and excitable so to speak.  very impressive...I felt in some of the lines if you added a word or chnged it a bit it would have been flawless but thats just me being picky and paying attention to detail...but you got the story aspect down...be proud...

Law:  

One year later, we're still alive and healthy

but sometimes I still feel our lives are empty

There will always be that void, deep in my heart

The days that I feel destroyed and tear shit apart

But we made it, and everyday we push along gets better

as long as my brother and I, remain strong together. 

We ended up acquiring our parents house and assests

I got a decent job, and at night I take online classes

My little bro has had his days where he still can't believe it

Hell, there isn't a second that I haven't stopped grieving..

but we haven't stopped breathing, haven't stopped believing

That we have to make our parents proud of their seedlings

but I'm open, as much as we've spoken about that moment

That frozen piece of time that could stop a wave in the ocean

I have times were I just want to get up and choke him

But over this time, we grew a bond that can't be broken.

I'm proud of my brother, and I hope he thinks of me the same

I hope that when he thinks of me, I don't link him to the pain.

Either way, I'm there for him, to this day we stick together

This brotherly love, this strength we have will last forever.----I have to be honest..this is one of the best topical collabs I have read.  absolutely amazing story telling Law..This is why i said before your very underrated when it comes to topicals....To be picky one or two transitions were a word off but thats me and my opinion..Im a bit different.  the ocean line and the link him to the pain line were fucking serious....especially the link him to the pain line...i loved that..thats really getting into the character.  awesome work.

H4ZE:

One year later, and I'm still feeling the pain

Bonded with my brother, but it isn't really the same

Since they've been gone, I've been feeling lost inside

But I smile for my brother, so it doesn't cross his mind

I'm a problemed child, he knows it, but he looks past it

Getting introuble at school, feelin' rage and madness

When it first happen, I was feeling helpless, clueless

now I'm getting better, my brother helps me through it

But there's not a day that I'm not grievin their death

This shit is truly to hard for a teen to accept

People have said, they were sorry, but it doesn't take it back

It just brings back memories, truly it just makes me mad

I'm tryna move on, me and my brother push through the pain

Sometimes I lose my faith, but god I look up to you and pray

"help me and my brother through this, I put all my faith in you

I want us to be happy, and I know that we can make it through.

We just need your help, tomorrow's gone and today is new

I know can't forget the past, but the future is creatable"

And I know, that my bond with my brother will last forever

He truly is great, I don't think that I could ask for better..---damn...you should feel proud rite now...first off the way this whole story went like the older brother had to be strong for the younger brother but in reality it was vice versa...you pulled that off perfectly.  I  loved the future is creatable line.  I'm just in awe at how you took in feed back and now you post something like this...

great fucking work i loved this piece...easily an OMOTM nominee