Open Mic: - Changes -

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J504 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 08 August 2011 at 7:21pm
 
 
 
 
 
It's hard to see your youth fade away when every day is your last-
chance to celebrate the way you hated your past
The first dog you ever owned - tryin' to bury him was hard
Sleepin' in a bed at night while he's just bones in your yard 
Junior High then High School - yea the pressure was there
The best times of your life but yet the pleasure was rare
It's hard to care about good grades or cutting your hair
When every choice you ever made has left things up in the air
True friends not so true - real life not so real
Looking forward to a dream job and then the nightmare of bills
As a young man made bad choices you thought were so right
Grounded in reality - while your minds given flight
Saw your mom battle Cancer - the saddest of years
While remission played its hide & seek- your Dad hid his tears
You faced your fears by not facing your fears
Replaced what's dear with the taste of your beers
Shots heard, shots served - while you wait for that "one day"
Dreaded Sunday cause of Monday when you know there's more gunplay
Learned the love of your life was just a sniper in hiding
cut up her credit cards - so now it's Swiper no swiping
A kid on the way, so there's no use in this griping
Times change, you change diapers...so frightening
 
 
 

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TURTLE View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote TURTLE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2011 at 8:26pm


You see the old way wasent workin' so its on us to do what we gotta do to survive! *Tupac Shakur..

CHANGES

This reminded me a little bit of Tupacs changes not that you took his lyrics because these are clearly your own!! I enjoyed this part here..

Shots heard, shots served - while you wait for that "one day"
Dreaded Sunday cause of Monday when you know there's more gunplay
Learned the love of your life was just a sniper in hiding
cut up her credit cards - so now it's Swiper no swiping
A kid on the way, so there's no use in this griping
Times change, you change diapers...so frightening

The ending really picked up for me, I wish you went a few more bars to see where it could have gone. Nevertheless dope piece J5!!!

                     
''STYLEZ''
<ce
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Manc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2011 at 12:41am
hahaha!!! Loved this. The whole drop was tight but I had a few fave lines that I'll focus on - cuz they were all so different to eachother one.

firstly - True friends not so true - real life not so real
Looking forward to a dream job and then the nightmare of bills

^^^^ I loved the first line of this. The way it was worded hit the nail right on the head - and the second line brought out the true life realization side of things. Vey very clever articulation with this part J.

Secondly - Saw your mom battle Cancer - the saddest of years
While remission played its hide & seek- your Dad hid his tears

^^^^^ This part gave me goosebumps - and to think ONE LINE could do that to the reader? Sheesh! Again - the wording ere was fantastic. I know you well - but I don't know if this is truth or made up for the feel of the verse. Either way - you got me with that line.

And last but not least - Learned the love of your life was just a sniper in hiding
cut up her credit cards - so now it's Swiper no swiping

^^^^^ hahahaha! theres the humour! Spot on with this bar J. Yea I watch Dora with my youngest - he likes to repeat the Spanish shit they teach ya. So I got this perfectly. I thought it was really clever the way you linked the character 'Swiper', who always hides so that he can ambush Dora (hence the sniper in hiding bit) - with the cliche of gold digger girls who live off other peoples credit cards. And then throwing in the Dora phrase "Swiper - no swiping" Clap Subtle, but very clever. Out of the 3, this was probly my favourite bar.

The rest was really decent too - so it aint like I only liked them 3 bars. They were jus the stand-out ones IMO.
Yet another great drop from you - and another brilliant example of why you're my favourite writer. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote J504 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2011 at 4:29pm
Much appreciated on the feed, Turtle & Manc! It always makes it worthwhile to see how well crew gets what I'm writing and can feel where I'm coming from. I think how active we are on collabs really does gives us that type of insight. I never read stuff yall write and say "huh?" it's almost always like yall read my mind lol. So yeah, thanks for them comments, they are very encouraging as always. 
 
 
Originally posted by Manc Manc wrote:

 
Secondly - Saw your mom battle Cancer - the saddest of years
While remission played its hide & seek- your Dad hid his tears

^^^^^ This part gave me goosebumps - and to think ONE LINE could do that to the reader? Sheesh! Again - the wording ere was fantastic. I know you well - but I don't know if this is truth or made up for the feel of the verse. Either way - you got me with that line.

 
Thanks kid, I'm glad you liked that actually. Perhaps a bit cryptic and easy to take out of context as I've worded it, but if you're willing to think outside of the box, that was the most honest bar in the whole verse, believe it or not.   
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2011 at 6:56pm
Swiper no Swiping Swiper no Swiping
I love! an I mean LOVE the way that fox dude says "Ohh Mayn"
My lil girl does a perfect mimic, too cute

This Felt like a rough guide ta growing up or sumthin
Touching on some ov the harsh realities that are reality itself
That's what I got from this anywayz
A real nice drop J....Good ups my man
Enjoyed the read

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