Open Mic: **Check my skills pt1** |
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Old Flame ![]() Newbie ![]() Joined: 02 July 2019 Status: Offline Points: 6 |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posted: 24 July 2019 at 5:21pm |
I've got a bat, I'll twat your cat
cuz youre fat, what ja think of that flappiddy flap, blah blah blah - Im back the best to ever rap, better that your dad Prepare for part 2 cuz it'll top the shit I just did What do ya think? ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Old Flame ![]() Newbie ![]() Joined: 02 July 2019 Status: Offline Points: 6 |
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No feedback? Was it the "flappiddy flap" part?
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Absolute Abomination ![]() Standard Member ![]() ![]() Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 515 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW |
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i know its satire but...fuck
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Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Crimson Juice ![]() Site Moderator ![]() ![]() Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3019 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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OK, i get its done in a tongue in cheek vibe, but as it stands it's awfully basic,it
just doesn't have any appeal or stand out wording/lines going for it, and in truth it's kind of flat on reading also, and if your serious about doing a part 2, please if anything give it a pulse by injecting a little depth, either through similies or meta's or even assonance..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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D.Von Doom ![]() Standard Member ![]() ![]() Joined: 18 June 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1497 Audio Rank: #1 Stats: 15-4-0 Form: WWWWWL |
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Crimson ban this trash
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I can only fall off in space...
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