|
Post Reply 
|
| Author | |
Creep 
Banned 
Joined: 26 August 2014 Status: Offline Points: 16 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-0 Form: WWW |
 Topic: Creep VS MVC Kid KO [Text]Posted: 26 August 2014 at 4:16pm |
|
4 bars
House rules 48 hours |
|
 |
|
|
MVC Kid KO
Groupie 
Joined: 19 August 2014 Location: Chesapeake,VA Status: Offline Points: 132 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-2-0 Form: LWLW |
Posted: 26 August 2014 at 9:19pm |
|
Make ya car swell and start hell if I see you in my way// Mr.Carswell won't be the only Creep who'll hit the hay// Have you sleeping in ya grave cause the top 40 know Creep's an imposter// The weakest fodder in dire need of a dollar// But what's a sob story to a creepypasta?// With all your cock orgies,you'd must've had a creepy crawly queef for a father// When I'm catching Creep in the act,ain't no cheating spouses// Wouldn't put him in the hot seat with Conair heating couches// Easy.
|
|
|
|
|
Creep
Banned
Joined: 26 August 2014 Status: Offline Points: 16 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-0 Form: WWW |
Posted: 27 August 2014 at 6:24pm |
|
Creep this creep that, u spit shit and ur script's got plenty wack
Now Creep'll beat u so bad u'll start to fear anyone who's handicapped! See faggot u're rapping crap like diapers so noone's reading ur verse u just suck Kid!, and it's still relevant when reading 'Kid' in reverse Virgin herb, u couldn't get pussy with a bag fulla roofies b'cos babes aint wan' touch u Kid, it's almost like u got the cooties Excuse me, I'm no cannibal but I'm eatin' this kid, his chest ripped n hallowed I'm just eating him just to avenge all the kids his mom done swallowed Nah, Too Easy! |
|
|
|
|
Bob Barker
Banned
Joined: 25 August 2014 Status: Offline Points: 320 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-1-2 Form: WLWWNN |
Posted: 27 August 2014 at 6:34pm |
|
Make ya car swell and start hell if I see you in my way//
Mr.Carswell won't be the only Creep who'll hit the hay// ^^^ Nah man this was incredibly basic. Have you sleeping in ya grave cause the top 40 know Creep's an imposter// The weakest fodder in dire need of a dollar// ^^^ Again this wasn't good. But what's a sob story to a creepypasta?// With all your cock orgies,you'd must've had a creepy crawly queef for a father// ^^^ Nope When I'm catching Creep in the act,ain't no cheating spouses// Wouldn't put him in the hot seat with Conair heating couches// ^^^ Nah Overall: You didn't have even the slightest creativity here man. No actual punches. Just nothing really. You need to up your creativity and the harshness of your punches. Creep this creep that, u spit shit and ur script's got plenty wack Now Creep'll beat u so bad u'll start to fear anyone who's handicapped! ^^^ This doesn't make sense, not a punch either See faggot u're rapping crap like diapers so noone's reading ur verse u just suck Kid!, and it's still relevant when reading 'Kid' in reverse ^^^ This wasn't the worst concept ever... executed poorly but concept was okay Virgin herb, u couldn't get pussy with a bag fulla roofies b'cos babes aint wan' touch u Kid, it's almost like u got the cooties ^^^ Super corny Excuse me, I'm no cannibal but I'm eatin' this kid, his chest ripped n hallowed I'm just eating him just to avenge all the kids his mom done swallowed ^^^ Nope Overall: Like the other guy you need creativity, you need harshness, you need to actually ATTACK your opponent. My vote goes to creep, he had the "kid in reverse" concept which was the only one of the whole battle. Keep elevating guys
|
|
|
|
|
Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator 
Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 27 August 2014 at 7:55pm |
|
Have to agree with bob barker.
Though I'm not gonna break it down bar for bar. Mvc- you had a slightly better format than creep, but it was all pretty light. I personally like jokes over bars. You didn't really go hard on either of those. Some okay rhyme scenes in parts. Not hopeless, but spend more time linking your set up to your punch lines or put together some more complex multi's. It wasn't terrible but not original. I am not a massive fan of name flips either so maybe others might appreciate it more. Creep- your format is all over the place. You had one decent half a bar in there. Which in this case was enough to win. Spend more time on your bars, this wouldn't hold up against most on here. I don't care there weren't any personals. They were still very light, and not too well thought through. Hints of potential. My vote creep. |
|
|
|
|
fuckoff
Newbie
Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL |
Posted: 31 August 2014 at 2:23pm |
|
kid KO, your flow was decent, but the rhyming is very simplistic, and punch wise very basic, to the point were it was just filler and the odd bad gay joke. you need to read the how to construct a punchline tutorial and the LA tutorial thread by orion. this is not close to what you need in a battle.
creep, the same goes to you, your both pretty close skill level, but that nameplay gave you the battle on a plate for throwing a punch creep GMV
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
TRILLUMINATI
Newbie
Joined: 01 September 2014 Status: Offline Points: 14 |
Posted: 02 September 2014 at 2:44am |
|
Kid: Elementary style. Too basic, and your attempts at punches seemed to me like " Yo momma " jokes, very plain with no play on words, no connections. My advice would be to do some research, come up with concepts and schemes and atleast make an attempt at some decent punchlines.
Creep: Though your style was very basic too, you atleast made attempt at punchlines even if they fell short. But you played with words, and more important played with the guys name in a decent concept even if the punch fell short and didn't really hit hard - it still got the job done, and still edged you in for the win. VOTE: CREEP.
|
|
|
|
|
JBrenn
Superior Member 
Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3757 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Posted: 02 September 2014 at 4:01am |
|
3-0 ko Creep
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Post Reply
|
|
Tweet
|
| Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|
Topic Search
Topic Options