Open Mic: Dark Awakening

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   yet another topical verse from that other site, here's my interpretation of

novice huntsman with a fresh licence to kill
enticement and thrill heightened my will
to pursue childhood dreams of wildwood scenes
on a glorious day the sunlight would gleam
yet everything wasn't gold, the soil takes it's toll
roaming the region with a rifle and void in my soul
before I tell this story.. already smelled the coffee
but all I could taste was aroma of hollow melancholy
as an apathetic heathen tormented by hellish anxiety
nightmarish sobriety tempted me to perish quietly

anyways..
I made haste of the day, no time to waste or delay
paved the way in order to chase down my prey
or just escape the grey and let my spirit be calm
I simply sprinted along until the footprints was gone
I'd lost my way, gone astray on this bleak forest trail
such a formless place, impending enormous shades
the last slivers of sunshine faded into obscurity
headed back for security as night came glooming in
stupidly, I didn't put my compass under scrutiny
confusingly this neck of the woods was new to me
dialed for assistance, uselessly - signals blocked
things fucked, and eerie feelings of being watched
I need to stop...

entrapped by fear, I concluded there was no campus near
plus the blackness here saturated the whole atmosphere
witnessing carved symbols in timber as disturbing omens
scavenging birds roaming, I fled in the spur of the moment
then the plot along the fog thickened to a dense degree
could sense the trees shrieking from an ungentle breeze
my whole body just stiffened, stirred as my vision blurred
hearing whispered words before something vicious occured
felt like the earth started to shift and my world went to shit
all of a sudden 3 ominous shadows emerged from the mist

as if they slowed down time, stared at me with glowing eyes
don't know why, they looked down on me with foreboding size
like a sick act of witchcraft glimmering through the pitch black
I reached for my rifle with a quick grab then let off six blasts
continued to squeeze hard
couldnt stop to breathe fast
they disappeared precicely when I commenced to shoot blindly
shook mindless, I turned back suddenly they stood behind me
desperate fear began to penetrate, no time to hesitate
then one of the devil wraiths started to freaking levitate
fucking great...
the silence was utterly absurd, they didn't utter a word
while I remained scared speechless like a stuttering nerd
situation morbid, I thought this was curtains for certain
a hovering body with horned set swiftly moved forward
put his palms on my forehead, he started to absorb me..
then I saw it..

a luminous brilliant light illuminating the errors of my way
how I became the bearer of shame due to terror of decay
tremors from the rays pulsating my flesh like heatwaves
a dreamstate, twin snakes tweaked my brain to deep space
retraced everything from the mechanics of Jupiters moons
to the fallacy of Lucifers doom, like I had ludicrous shrooms
consumed, I realised my mind misplaced in a material prison
now I had experienced wisdom bestowed by ethereal visions
plunging my consciousness into a void endless
everything ceased - I was devoid of all senses

.

awoken
finally a new day arrived
felt lucky to still be alive
the mysterious figures were long gone
perhaps their work here was all done
sunrise dawned upon, wondered if they were ungodly men
or some forest guardians in accordian with the laws within
neither good or evil, not sure they even had been real
yet from that dark state I could really see
inner peace and me my self, beeing free
sweet serenity..

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Concrete Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Concrete Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Dark Awakening Posted: 28 November 2020 at 10:58pm
	yet another topical verse from that other site, here's my interpretation of novice huntsman with a fresh licence to kill enticement and thrill heightened my will to pursue childhood dreams of wildwood scenes on a glorious day the sunlight would gleam yet everything wasn't gold, the soil takes it's toll roaming the region with a rifle and void in my soul before I tell this story.. already smelled the coffee but all I could taste was aroma of hollow melancholy as an apathetic heathen tormented by hellish anxiety nightmarish sobriety tempted me to perish quietly anyways.. I made haste of the day, no time to waste or delay paved the way in order to chase down my prey or just escape the grey and let my spirit be calm I simply sprinted along until the footprints was gone I'd lost my way, gone astray on this bleak forest trail such a formless place, impending enormous shades the last slivers of sunshine faded into obscurity headed back for security as night came glooming in stupidly, I didn't put my compass under scrutiny confusingly this neck of the woods was new to me dialed for assistance, uselessly - signals blocked things fucked, and eerie feelings of being watched I need to stop... entrapped by fear, I concluded there was no campus near plus the blackness here saturated the whole atmosphere witnessing carved symbols in timber as disturbing omens scavenging birds roaming, I fled in the spur of the moment then the plot along the fog thickened to a dense degree could sense the trees shrieking from an ungentle breeze my whole body just stiffened, stirred as my vision blurred hearing whispered words before something vicious occured felt like the earth started to shift and my world went to shit all of a sudden 3 ominous shadows emerged from the mist as if they slowed down time, stared at me with glowing eyes don't know why, they looked down on me with foreboding size like a sick act of witchcraft glimmering through the pitch black I reached for my rifle with a quick grab then let off six blasts continued to squeeze hard couldnt stop to breathe fast they disappeared precicely when I commenced to shoot blindly shook mindless, I turned back suddenly they stood behind me desperate fear began to penetrate, no time to hesitate then one of the devil wraiths started to freaking levitate fucking great... the silence was utterly absurd, they didn't utter a word while I remained scared speechless like a stuttering nerd situation morbid, I thought this was curtains for certain a hovering body with horned set swiftly moved forward put his palms on my forehead, he started to absorb me.. then I saw it.. a luminous brilliant light illuminating the errors of my way how I became the bearer of shame due to terror of decay tremors from the rays pulsating my flesh like heatwaves a dreamstate, twin snakes tweaked my brain to deep space retraced everything from the mechanics of Jupiters moons to the fallacy of Lucifers doom, like I had ludicrous shrooms consumed, I realised my mind misplaced in a material prison now I had experienced wisdom bestowed by ethereal visions plunging my consciousness into a void endless everything ceased - I was devoid of all senses . awoken finally a new day arrived felt lucky to still be alive the mysterious figures were long gone perhaps their work here was all done sunrise dawned upon, wondered if they were ungodly men or some forest guardians in accordian with the laws within neither good or evil, not sure they even had been real yet from that dark state I could really see inner peace and me my self, beeing free sweet serenity..

Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 December 2020 at 7:11pm
	As promised in here to rtf. Yo concrete this is really good bro. Love the atmosphere of the verse. Pics dope too. So this verse seems to be a bout a troubled hunter who encountered the spirits of the forest. I think he died or they showed him visions of his past .it wasn’t too clear but love the progression of the verse. The Multies were good up until the usually part, which I think was an instance of forced wording to fit the rhyme scheme .ibqould have just switch up the scheme. It’s better that than forced wording to me. But for the most part your Mumford were great. Reminds me a little of self and rude - definitely good company to be in, if u don’t know. But yeah ultimately, it’s the concept that got me. I actually got goosebumps at parts. Well done doggie. Woof!


Alien365 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 31 December 2020 Status: Offline Points: 11	Post Options Post Reply Quote Alien365 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 31 December 2020 at 3:07am
	So this was a nice read. Cool wordplay and the writing was smooth to read, I thought there was one awkward simile but it might just be me. The flow of the piece was consistently good. Storytelling is great with the atmosphere. Good written

Red-B Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 09 January 2014 Location: FL Status: Offline Points: 408 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-0-1 Form: NWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Red-B Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 31 January 2021 at 1:53am
	Yeah this was sick. I could catch the word play and the rhyme schemes throughout are very solid. Again as I say on most pieces even though it was designed to fit an audio piece I think when it comes down to creating “rap music” it’s gotta have that momentum and flow. Each segment has its own sound... at least the way I am reading it in my head. Regardless of sound I can’t deny the technical ability and furthermore the imagery. Nice drop. Peace.