Open Mic: Day #1 |
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Skep
Standard Member Joined: 08 July 2014 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 498 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: LW |
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Posted: 13 January 2017 at 4:48am |
When I drinking the pain away, sustain my day in a rage of hate
Shot number two - I face the same O'l shame in ways that stains my praise Walking down a bad path with the wrong stroll, bong tokes Cough a lung just for fun, stunned when I run with a song quote 16 a day to shake the rust, pardon me - I've got fakes to trust Now, I'm ready to take back what was taken from the rest of us A renegade who shares a fate with Guy Fawkes, tried lots of-- Medication, separation by doctors whom like to pry thoughts Coke driven, cold spinning, vomit the floor of a random can Pale as fuck, still drunk and spun asking... "What really happened man?" A train wreck, with bodies splattered over the train wreck The trains station split into eight chambers, pain waivers for--- A man's pride, tried with strife and he's comfortable when the pain sets Just another day, another hour, sour cause another day's wrecked Bills ain't paid yet, see how tomorrow goes, let me know if it changed yet |
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
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Yooooo welcome back Skep!!
This was nice all around. The whole piece was scripted smoothly and the inners and multi's were dope. You strung everything together effortlessly. The beginning part was cool... Looking forward to you dropping some tough audios man. |
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Goryo.
Groupie Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
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Yeah man a smooth read throughout. Good topic too and it wasn't presented basically like you just wanted the verse to go from A to B and quickly get your point across. A renegade who shares a fate with Guy Fawkes, tried lots of-- Medication, separation by doctors whom like to pry thoughts Coke driven, cold spinning, vomit the floor of a random can Pale as fuck, still drunk and spun asking... "What really happened man?" A train wreck, with bodies splattered over the train wreck ^ That was the highlight to me especially the train wreck line cause it put more of a spin on a popular phrase to make it more extreme. I also thought the ending was strong and summed up the whole piece nicely and accurately, just a whole tone of indifference. Good stuff man, keep it up. |
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Skep
Standard Member Joined: 08 July 2014 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 498 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: LW |
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Live Battle Artist The True Audio Champ Verbal Assassin |
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Opener filled with inners. Liking that. Assonance is nice. Second bar reminded me of Diabolic 12 shots. Dope. Flow in this is great and im liking the pace. Content wise. This was clean. It seems like a grimey dude just making it enough to breath in life. Nice imagery when i read this. Simple yet very effective |
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S Dubb
Groupie Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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This was a solid drop...... I like how this wasn't simply based on the end of the lines...... You had many inners throughout this entire verse, nicely done...... You had a great use of multies which added dramatically to your overall flow...... Your set up worked perfectly, everything went smooth with this verse, good work...... Very enjoyable read and I'm looking forward to seeing more from you.....
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Topical Twist League= 1-0
1-2 Punch League= 0-3 Regular Text= 0-1 Alias= 0-1 Topical= 1-0 Horrorcore= 1-0 Overall= 3-5 |
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NBread
Groupie Joined: 30 August 2016 Status: Offline Points: 90 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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Easy to follow and easier to feel. No rhymes forced.
Just another day, another hour, sour cause another day's wrecked Bills ain't paid yet, see how tomorrow goes, let me know if it changed yet A bar like this letting a reader relate to the acceptance of their invisible prison adds so much. Gives the storyteller depth and shows the human behind self destruction. |
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Guess everything's been said already, but I really enjoyed the schemes you went with. Very smooth and with a natural tone. There were several, very creatively linked references, as I think, like that Guy Fawkes one. The narrative is rather simple, but I think that's what made this even more enjoyable. I also loved the consistency both content-and scheme wise. Good read.
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Skep
Standard Member Joined: 08 July 2014 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 498 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: LW |
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Live Battle Artist The True Audio Champ Verbal Assassin |
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