Open Mic: "Death Awaits"- Syndicate Collab

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Brotha Goose View Drop Down
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    Posted: 03 October 2013 at 6:12am
Original SYN Production Presents.....
"DEATH AWAITS"


IZIAH.....

This steel scythe in my bone hands, a dark hood over tight
lookin' straight into souls while i spill blood over night
should sober right, unless death takes my hand, so twisted
if its real then it will be every man who will miss it
shit its so different, corrupted pain rushing through hate
close your eyes, hushing your fate while your blushing your date?
this date is your day to bleed, pay no heed through chaples
i'll burn their crosses, no bosses for me to grapple
take a bite into this apple, sickened already?
poison kills heavily with a quickened machete
now levy, thought we could kill more innocent people
my damn grasp with rap will make this venom more lethal
send 'em to cheep-o's, my lyrical madness takes lives
watch their fear grow as the spherical blackness may lie!

LEVY420......

i smell death where ever corruption is learking
blood still sheds deaths consumption is working
study the tie's an underworkings society lookin nervous
we work for purpose wit no worth so we worthless
dig beyond the surface n see slithering serpents
configuring a terrorist surpluss should nuclear bombs burst
to them it was worth it should we give up an forfeit?
or should we rise n absorb it? to move forward from morbid
really its horseshit, politicians the greediest persons
tax is extorting hiding facts in enormous paportions
my minds bent i'm mentally contorting
vent n speak we ment to be informed when
governments turn evil n tension is rising
speculate the events yet to be on the horizon
the way i move a sea of people ima decendent of posiden

ZINAII.....

Destroy nations with the push of a button until the wars vacant
i possess different chemical but im buying up some more flavors
mustard gas is the most preferred, other countries dont concur
they strip me of my chemicals like rehab clinics before i dump, disperse
seem like tyranny spread through these other countries fast
for the "bread", i "peel meat" follow it up with some "mustard" gas
war is profit, other nations abhor its concepts but im a foreign mobster
trying to take the world over, through a historic conquest
through the years though, ive learned to ignore my conscience
propaganize cuz i know my self interests border nonsense               
my goal is reverse darwinism, but that you cant see
feel obssesive compulsive at times, cuz i always keep my hands clean
the world is my palmprint, I squeeze when I need dough,
him just estatic, upping taxes I feed off my people.

BRO GOOSE.....

Only the Lord knows what tortures a mans soul....
Wore a crown of thorns lessons in flesh walk'n on hard roads....
FIrst step on crooked path hear the Devil laugh as you pass....
His trap set into place fait awaits at the Pearly Gates.... 
No escape when look'n death in the face....
Change the pace more fit for today......

Back on the block with drug dealers,
Callin them curb feelers, 
Washington pill breeders,
Bill readers, feed'n Rx to fill needles,
Then lethal inject people leavin'em feeble,
Expect no lock n key on the Pharmacy,
Just walk up n say trick or treat,
All the fiends already dress'n for Halloween,
Good credit can buy shiny things, 
Get caught shop'n debit yur chase'n a pipe dream,
Isn't this the land of the free.....?
Ya.... free payment plans, spend'n ya lifes pay,
Pay'n off layaway, tax stack'n a bad way,
Then kiss yur ASS-ets away 
Everybody stand up and say, 
"I pledge allegiance to the........
.....FUCK......."

 Just do the American wave, 
Its the new American way.
All of us race'n to outer space,
Sky rocketing unemployment rates,
Got Welfare try'n to make it a chase 
Children fall'n behind you say,
"WE CAN'T AFFORD TO FUCK'N EDUCATE?!"
Whats the name of the game....?

"Ring'n around the rosie,
Now my pockets full of nothin, 
Got no food up in the oven,
lose'n everything im touch'n,
Including luved ones that im clutch'n,
The desert made a widow of my mother,
Then it stole away my brother and my cousin.....

All For What? For Nothin!
Usama, Saddam, Husan....
Flip flop, flim flam, KAZZAM!
Magic Puff'n....Ya scared?
Why, nothing's there......


"I don't like it either son, but nobody Obama Cares...."
Black hearts, no souls, just a short walk down a hard road......

ORIGINAL SYN STILL SON'N
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levy420 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 October 2013 at 1:49pm
good looks goose u killed us on this though shit was dope
I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote IZIAH Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 October 2013 at 5:17pm
fucking amazing guys, and yeah, you killed it Brotha goose.
SYNDICATE!!!
~Insight The Inspired~
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Brotha Goose View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Brotha Goose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 October 2013 at 6:33pm
Thx fam, but there's no "I" in Goose, WE killed it!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Nigma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 October 2013 at 7:29pm
Izzy:

Some good rhymes, nice transition between schemes, alluded to Levys verse well for a nice transition from one artist to the next as well. Really set the tone well with your first line in general.  

"this date is your day to bleed, pay no heed through chaples
i'll burn their crosses, no bosses for me to grapple"

- Lack of syllables in the second line made it sound a little off. Balancing syllables is an underappreciated aspect of writing yet still houses importance. It's a little thing you can tweak by added a word or removing one from the previous line, I usually do this during my proof read.

Aside from that, pretty solid verse. Only other critique is in the section when I felt your multies were in full swing, you re-used words, rhymed the same words twice. During your proofread you could also switch around the words a bit to lessen that.

Levy:

Same props as Izz on a well done job with tone in the first few lines. Off the bat I felt the rhyme scheme was a little played. The 'ing' endings are used a lot so I personally try and steer away from them. As far as your content I felt this was really solid. A couple nice lines where you combined a variety of literary devices to good effect.

"we work for purpose wit no worth so we worthless
dig beyond the surface n see slithering serpents"

-Heres a good example. Nice bit of wordplay/complex thought complimented well by a metaphor and some alliteration to top it off with. Having so much going on creates depth and interest to your writing, well done.  Very consistent verse with a dope ending bar. 

Zinaii:

First quarter was very consistent, nothing exceptionally quoteworthy however every line was up to par. The bread/meat/mustard play was really forced, accentuated with you spelling it out via quotes. Gotta get more creative then that IMO. Your rhyme scheme starting with 'foreign mobster' was unique and pretty tight. You got into some really thoughtful concepts in the last quarter, made for a good read. 

Goose: 

Unreal verse, for real. The way you meshed your concepts into one another via effortless stream of consciousness is commendable. You brought slightly different material then the rest of the crew but twisted it to not only relate, but then to sum up the verse as would a golden capstone. My favorite part was the way concepts molded from one strong image to saying something totally different in a related way. The outspace/unemployment sky rocketing came to mind. You also added some depth via emotion talking about your mother and other family members being taken from you. All together, the style you showcased here really worked for you. I have no complaints, good work.



Well put together crew collab here. Goes with the vibe I get from your crew and you really worked well together. Goooood shit

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Brotha Goose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 October 2013 at 9:00pm
Appreciate the feed Nigma
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Titu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 October 2013 at 9:51pm
Ohooo somethings "dope" goin in here?

IZIAH
Trust me kid. This is one of the best verses ive heard from you,my boy. I liked your concepts alot.
Now look at yo this bar, i liked it alot.

shit its so different, corrupted pain rushing through hate
close your eyes, hushing your fate while your blushing your date?

And the way you passed the mic, good work man...
Nigma said the rest as a critique. :)

Levy 420:
It was hot bro. Seriously dude, your rhymescheme was tight throughout just like your content.
Flow was also smooth... Goof drop man
I liked these bars the most.

i smell death where ever corruption is learking
blood still sheds deaths consumption is working
study the tie's an underworkings society lookin nervous
we work for purpose wit no worth so we worthless


And then this one:

to them it was worth it should we give up an forfeit?
or should we rise n absorb it? to move forward from morbid

Good drop maan...

Zinaii:
Yo bro. Honestly, i always have to read your battle verses twice in order to understand. But this was more than good.
The ideas you cane with, were dope.
I liked these bars the most:

for the "bread", i "peel meat" follow it up with some "mustard" gas
war is profit, other nations abhor its concepts but im a foreign mobster
trying to take the world over, through a historic conquest
through the years though, ive learned to ignore my conscience

Stay up man.


Brotha Goose:

My man my man. You killed it. I aint quoting anything or els ill be quoting the whole verse. Your flow wad hot. Imense show of vocablary and concepts. The way you wrote, the ideas you had, all was dope from a to z. This was one of the dopest verses ive heard from you. Lots of weed for this lol
Stay up bro






Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 October 2013 at 1:12pm
thanx for the extensive breakdown nig n tit
I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Titu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 October 2013 at 1:26pm
why are ya always saying me a tit when it also says "u" at the end.lol
btw my name got nothing to do with female organs...just saying lol 
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 October 2013 at 1:56pm
im lazy so i can be arsed to add a u

I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 October 2013 at 3:15pm
cant^^

I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Titu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 October 2013 at 3:28pm
lol
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Brotha Goose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 October 2013 at 5:19pm
Thx for the feed
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote IZIAH Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 October 2013 at 2:13am
uppin for more feed from a few more members.
and thanks for the feed yall. apreciate it.
~Insight The Inspired~
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 October 2013 at 1:37pm
uppin
I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Exoduzt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 October 2013 at 10:58pm
This was a nice little crew drop rite here...Each one of you had a few lines that stood out to me and I thought that yall complimented each other with nice transitions. 

Iz: very nice drop but if you just reworded a few things different that flow would be more on point and make ya verse stand out more...

levy:  I enjoyed your verse your flow stands out to me the most.  I would like to see what you can come up with if you stretched your bars out a bit more and get some intenrals going

Zin:  loved the foreign mobster/ conquest line...I see you been improving more and more...good for you

Goosey:  yeah you know you did your thing on this...talking some real shit...sometimes its hard for me to find your flow in sections but once I do find it its smooth as fuck

nice drop SYN





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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote IZIAH Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2013 at 10:00pm
thanks exo, its much apreciated.
~Insight The Inspired~
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 November 2013 at 7:08am
bump
I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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