Open Mic: "Death Awaits"- Syndicate Collab |
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Brotha Goose
Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
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Posted: 03 October 2013 at 6:12am |
"DEATH AWAITS" IZIAH..... This steel scythe in my bone hands, a dark hood over tight lookin' straight into souls while i spill blood over night should sober right, unless death takes my hand, so twisted if its real then it will be every man who will miss it shit its so different, corrupted pain rushing through hate close your eyes, hushing your fate while your blushing your date? this date is your day to bleed, pay no heed through chaples i'll burn their crosses, no bosses for me to grapple take a bite into this apple, sickened already? poison kills heavily with a quickened machete now levy, thought we could kill more innocent people my damn grasp with rap will make this venom more lethal send 'em to cheep-o's, my lyrical madness takes lives watch their fear grow as the spherical blackness may lie! LEVY420...... i smell death where ever corruption is learking blood still sheds deaths consumption is working study the tie's an underworkings society lookin nervous we work for purpose wit no worth so we worthless dig beyond the surface n see slithering serpents configuring a terrorist surpluss should nuclear bombs burst to them it was worth it should we give up an forfeit? or should we rise n absorb it? to move forward from morbid really its horseshit, politicians the greediest persons tax is extorting hiding facts in enormous paportions my minds bent i'm mentally contorting vent n speak we ment to be informed when governments turn evil n tension is rising speculate the events yet to be on the horizon the way i move a sea of people ima decendent of posiden ZINAII..... Destroy nations with the push of a button until the wars vacant i possess different chemical but im buying up some more flavors mustard gas is the most preferred, other countries dont concur they strip me of my chemicals like rehab clinics before i dump, disperse seem like tyranny spread through these other countries fast for the "bread", i "peel meat" follow it up with some "mustard" gas war is profit, other nations abhor its concepts but im a foreign mobster trying to take the world over, through a historic conquest through the years though, ive learned to ignore my conscience propaganize cuz i know my self interests border nonsense my goal is reverse darwinism, but that you cant see feel obssesive compulsive at times, cuz i always keep my hands clean the world is my palmprint, I squeeze when I need dough, him just estatic, upping taxes I feed off my people. BRO GOOSE..... Only the Lord knows what tortures a mans soul.... Wore a crown of thorns lessons in flesh walk'n on hard roads.... FIrst step on crooked path hear the Devil laugh as you pass.... His trap set into place fait awaits at the Pearly Gates.... No escape when look'n death in the face.... Change the pace more fit for today...... Back on the block with drug dealers, Callin them curb feelers, Washington pill breeders, Bill readers, feed'n Rx to fill needles, Then lethal inject people leavin'em feeble, Expect no lock n key on the Pharmacy, Just walk up n say trick or treat, All the fiends already dress'n for Halloween, Good credit can buy shiny things, Get caught shop'n debit yur chase'n a pipe dream, Isn't this the land of the free.....? Ya.... free payment plans, spend'n ya lifes pay, Pay'n off layaway, tax stack'n a bad way, Then kiss yur ASS-ets away Everybody stand up and say, "I pledge allegiance to the........ .....FUCK......." Just do the American wave, Its the new American way. All of us race'n to outer space, Sky rocketing unemployment rates, Got Welfare try'n to make it a chase Children fall'n behind you say, "WE CAN'T AFFORD TO FUCK'N EDUCATE?!" Whats the name of the game....? "Ring'n around the rosie, Now my pockets full of nothin, Got no food up in the oven, lose'n everything im touch'n, Including luved ones that im clutch'n, The desert made a widow of my mother, Then it stole away my brother and my cousin..... All For What? For Nothin! Usama, Saddam, Husan.... Flip flop, flim flam, KAZZAM! Magic Puff'n....Ya scared? Why, nothing's there...... "I don't like it either son, but nobody Obama Cares...." Black hearts, no souls, just a short walk down a hard road...... ORIGINAL SYN STILL SON'N |
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levy420
Superior Member Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN |
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good looks goose u killed us on this though shit was dope
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IZIAH
Standard Member Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN |
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fucking amazing guys, and yeah, you killed it Brotha goose.
SYNDICATE!!!
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~Insight The Inspired~
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Brotha Goose
Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
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Thx fam, but there's no "I" in Goose, WE killed it!
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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Izzy:
Some good rhymes, nice transition between schemes, alluded to Levys verse well for a nice transition from one artist to the next as well. Really set the tone well with your first line in general. "this date is your day to bleed, pay no heed through chaples i'll burn their crosses, no bosses for me to grapple"- Lack of syllables in the second line made it sound a little off. Balancing syllables is an underappreciated aspect of writing yet still houses importance. It's a little thing you can tweak by added a word or removing one from the previous line, I usually do this during my proof read. Aside from that, pretty solid verse. Only other critique is in the section when I felt your multies were in full swing, you re-used words, rhymed the same words twice. During your proofread you could also switch around the words a bit to lessen that. Levy: Same props as Izz on a well done job with tone in the first few lines. Off the bat I felt the rhyme scheme was a little played. The 'ing' endings are used a lot so I personally try and steer away from them. As far as your content I felt this was really solid. A couple nice lines where you combined a variety of literary devices to good effect. "we work for purpose wit no worth so we worthless dig beyond the surface n see slithering serpents"-Heres a good example. Nice bit of wordplay/complex thought complimented well by a metaphor and some alliteration to top it off with. Having so much going on creates depth and interest to your writing, well done. Very consistent verse with a dope ending bar. Zinaii: First quarter was very consistent, nothing exceptionally quoteworthy however every line was up to par. The bread/meat/mustard play was really forced, accentuated with you spelling it out via quotes. Gotta get more creative then that IMO. Your rhyme scheme starting with 'foreign mobster' was unique and pretty tight. You got into some really thoughtful concepts in the last quarter, made for a good read. Goose: Unreal verse, for real. The way you meshed your concepts into one another via effortless stream of consciousness is commendable. You brought slightly different material then the rest of the crew but twisted it to not only relate, but then to sum up the verse as would a golden capstone. My favorite part was the way concepts molded from one strong image to saying something totally different in a related way. The outspace/unemployment sky rocketing came to mind. You also added some depth via emotion talking about your mother and other family members being taken from you. All together, the style you showcased here really worked for you. I have no complaints, good work. Well put together crew collab here. Goes with the vibe I get from your crew and you really worked well together. Goooood shit |
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Brotha Goose
Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
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Appreciate the feed Nigma
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Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Ohooo somethings "dope" goin in here?
IZIAH Trust me kid. This is one of the best verses ive heard from you,my boy. I liked your concepts alot. Now look at yo this bar, i liked it alot. shit its so different, corrupted pain rushing through hate close your eyes, hushing your fate while your blushing your date? And the way you passed the mic, good work man... Nigma said the rest as a critique. :) Levy 420: It was hot bro. Seriously dude, your rhymescheme was tight throughout just like your content. Flow was also smooth... Goof drop man I liked these bars the most. i smell death where ever corruption is learking blood still sheds deaths consumption is working study the tie's an underworkings society lookin nervous we work for purpose wit no worth so we worthless And then this one: to them it was worth it should we give up an forfeit? or should we rise n absorb it? to move forward from morbid Good drop maan... Zinaii: Yo bro. Honestly, i always have to read your battle verses twice in order to understand. But this was more than good. The ideas you cane with, were dope. I liked these bars the most: for the "bread", i "peel meat" follow it up with some "mustard" gas war is profit, other nations abhor its concepts but im a foreign mobster trying to take the world over, through a historic conquest through the years though, ive learned to ignore my conscience Stay up man. Brotha Goose: My man my man. You killed it. I aint quoting anything or els ill be quoting the whole verse. Your flow wad hot. Imense show of vocablary and concepts. The way you wrote, the ideas you had, all was dope from a to z. This was one of the dopest verses ive heard from you. Lots of weed for this lol Stay up bro |
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Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
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levy420
Superior Member Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN |
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thanx for the extensive breakdown nig n tit
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Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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why are ya always saying me a tit when it also says "u" at the end.lol
btw my name got nothing to do with female organs...just saying lol
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Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
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levy420
Superior Member Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN |
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im lazy so i can be arsed to add a u
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levy420
Superior Member Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN |
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cant^^
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Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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lol
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Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
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Brotha Goose
Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
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Thx for the feed
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IZIAH
Standard Member Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN |
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uppin for more feed from a few more members.
and thanks for the feed yall. apreciate it.
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~Insight The Inspired~
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levy420
Superior Member Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN |
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uppin
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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This was a nice little crew drop rite here...Each one of you had a few lines that stood out to me and I thought that yall complimented each other with nice transitions.
Iz: very nice drop but if you just reworded a few things different that flow would be more on point and make ya verse stand out more... levy: I enjoyed your verse your flow stands out to me the most. I would like to see what you can come up with if you stretched your bars out a bit more and get some intenrals going Zin: loved the foreign mobster/ conquest line...I see you been improving more and more...good for you Goosey: yeah you know you did your thing on this...talking some real shit...sometimes its hard for me to find your flow in sections but once I do find it its smooth as fuck nice drop SYN |
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IZIAH
Standard Member Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN |
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thanks exo, its much apreciated.
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~Insight The Inspired~
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levy420
Superior Member Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN |
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bump
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