Open Mic: < Depressed /\ Deep-Rest >

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rhetorical View Drop Down
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    Posted: 23 October 2018 at 6:15pm

“Depression
Is Living In
A Body That
Fights To
Survive With
A Mind That
Tries To Die”


Fighting nights defiantly, the haunting quiet captures my bellow
violent tendencies to blow my brains out of my skull and just let go
blood splattered floor, scattered bone fragments cover walls like art deco
i’m falling apart, too many pieces to reattach when my heart explodes
here go the echoes. . .


worthless
hopeless
i question my existence or my purpose
deep inside the wreckage grows, now it’s showing on the surface
nervous twitch, fever pitch, drifting precipitously into madness
clinically illicit fueled dreams spiral continuously to blackness
savage screams passes dreams, arrives and culminates
evils planted seeds in me that seem to strive and cultivate
scraping layers for a prayers sake that God will save my weary soul
carry this love affair with death that left me buried in its hole
staring in the cold, depression dug its teeth beneath the skin
bitten by blatant bitterness, blurting blasphemous blithering
withering away, decaying carcass slithered out the skin I shed
scaly splinters prick and stick against the sin inside my head
rescinded by the light that slivers through the gaps under my door
never reaching me in time to leave my burdens plastered on the floor
saddened core is battered more with every passing moment
didn’t matter to the world, inhabitants are too detached to notice
patching open cracks to close the broken cladding in my chest
looking back at my reflection slowly gasping my own breath
pressed a revolver to my head, let it blast, approaching death
left a letter on my bed, simply said - “sorry mom & dad I did my best”




internally I crumbled, juggling voices, drowning out the sounds 
they mumble sudden judgments while I drug this grudge abound
won’t confront the sudden reason why I stumbled to the ground 
or try to button up its meaning when our troubles come around
point me homeward bound, wind up the key and make me free 
reached another yellow brick until I tripped and scraped my knee
blatantly, I travel aimlessly as anger took the wheel and steered 
veered off a cliff to give me proof or just reveal you’re really here
unveil some clarity, or break me free from this despair 
‘coz fears an evanescent presence, feel it when its getting near 
popping pills to cure depression, helps to keep my focus clear
this sickness is a lurking monster; never seen but know it’s there
it stares at me so fiendishly when it appears inside the mirror
crawling through these open windows sliding in to interfere 
i hate it here, my eyes are closed, minds a labyrinth standing tall 
too elaborate to crawl or scale the expanses of its walls
but you’ll never banish me, my fists are boulders when I swing 
shoulders can carry both of us, I swear I’ll never fold or sink 
then in a blink, you’re gone and I can see a beacon gleaming bright
you had to walk among the darkness before I began to see the light
my worth
my hope

. . . and so the echo goes
longer days are vibrant, sleeping giant, it’s so quiet when deep-rest
no more suppressing dreams, or demons beating at my bleeding chest
or violence reaching outward, guess I’m stronger than you knew 
took that revolver from your clutch and drew its barrel back at you 

die.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 October 2018 at 5:19pm
Really enjoyed reading this one rhets
The word choice used for this concept piece was so engaging
The pacing of your rhyming was high end, the way you transitioned through the verse carried the work effortlessly so at no point did reading become labour intensive
There’s a hella lot of highlights for me in this, I could practically quote the whole thing
Borderline Masterclass here brother
Thanks for the read

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Smoothtung Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 October 2018 at 5:25pm
Jesus this is weird, after listening to "I'm sorry" by Joyner Lucas this morning (plug) this is ironic as fuck. Rhet this is Mariana trench deep. I'm not gna bar for bar this because why? No one bar is where the strength of the piece lies.. it's in the emotion brah. Props.
Imagery so vividly intrinsic you might miss it..
Though you never even had the chance to witness it
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 October 2018 at 5:32pm
hey rhet, thanks for the feed on the collab. here to return the favor sir.

This was deserving of win. I think what i find impressive in your writing is that it can be read as a technically sound verse. It can also be read as a poetically sound piece. Finally, it can read as a "rap" to a beat if one was to be so incline. I was actually listening to a beat while reading this and bro i was able to catch every rhyme. 


it stares at me so fiendishly when it appears inside the mirror
crawling through these open windows sliding in to interfere 
i hate it here, my eyes are closed, minds a labyrinth standing tall 

look i maybe over examining but the whole mirror/open windows/eyes association was dope. mirror=glass=window=eyes window to the soul. if it was done on purpose, fuckin dope! If it was by way of accident then even doper ha! Excellent verse as always, bro. 1.


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rhetorical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 January 2019 at 8:36pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote emcee squared Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 January 2019 at 2:57am
Good rhymes and cadence. Subject matter keeps the reader's attention. Standout line for me was the B's alliteration. Good job
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote D-NoS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 January 2019 at 3:55pm
Feeling it.. Damn man you got some poetical skills! The flow here seemed fairly flawless at least reading it through seemed so. 

I like the many descriptive words used and picture painted, thx for the read man. 

Cant give any typa in-depth feed coz bro, you light years ahead of me but fire through n through.

Peace.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Schematic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 July 2020 at 2:28am
bitten by blatant bitterness, blurting blasphemous blithering
withering away, decaying carcass slithered out the skin I shed
scaly splinters prick and stick against the sin inside my head
rescinded by the light that slivers through the gaps under my door
never reaching me in time to leave my burdens plastered on the floor

YES
http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/rapper-t-vs-schematic-horrorcore-02_topic45919.html
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