Open Mic: Drugs, wife swapping, giant peach |
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Bazooka bastard
Groupie Joined: 30 December 2015 Status: Offline Points: 108 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 01 November 2017 at 12:03am |
If you live and learn do you die n teach?
Was James in a giant peach or a Giants peach? I got told: applying bleach = whiter teeth, But they were taking the piss like a urinal theif, I'm sick at T dotting, ruthless I crossing, Thrill em to the core like Tuesday night shopping I'm being supervised cuz right now suicides popping, Cuz my mood got a tendency to swing like wife swapping, You can call me drugsy Malone, I take drugs with my mates I take drugs on my own, Fucked up in the club queue, fucked when I'm home, I'm fucked if I do em, n more fucked if I don't, So I say fuck it I'm gettin extra tipsy, Spring in my step makes me remember slinkys, Wake up the next day, breath smells of whiskey, Cuz I've smashed more glasses than Velma dinkley, I am extremely fucking bored |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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If you live and learn do you die n teach?
Was James in a giant peach or a Giants peach? I got told: applying bleach = whiter teeth, But they were taking the piss like a urinal theif, (really liked this opening segment here,the twist in logic was intriguing and provoking also,your simile was nice too,I like the participation aspect within,forced the reader to think, it kind of had a ying and yang vibe/concept which I thought worked well here,yeah this has provoked my interest and drawn me in,good start with added sprite..) I'm sick at T dotting, ruthless I crossing, Thrill em to the core like Tuesday night shopping I'm being supervised cuz right now suicides popping, Cuz my mood got a tendency to swing like wife swapping, (the similes are coming thick and fast on reading, their also reading fresh too,this had an abstract like discription entow, i thought it was clever how you offered an alternative for a kind of by-polar enduced state,plus these short lines are ticking the boxes where flow is concerned,their easy in the eye also,(sometimes a wall of words can create a feel of a heavy read in store),but they just added here and overall,nice work I'm liking the easy digestible contents..) You can call me drugsy Malone, I take drugs with my mates I take drugs on my own, Fucked up in the club queue, fucked when I'm home, I'm fucked if I do em, n more fucked if I don't, (the carefree attitude here towards your habit has a vibe that's says I don't give a fuck about what others feel or think,it's only your preference that matters,only you who understands you knows what's good or bad within,but all the time masking the problem by bouncing along and slowly waisting away,I'm liking the concept and contents here as of yet,nice section..) So I say fuck it I'm gettin extra tipsy, Spring in my step makes me remember slinkys, Wake up the next day, breath smells of whiskey, Cuz I've smashed more glasses than Velma dinkley, (the metaphoric value was good here,this verse has somethin for everyone to like, the mechanics are good and the piece is engaging from start to end via its subject matter,and the fact it challenges thought on where the reader stands on this subject was a cool inclusion,a real nice and enjoyable read,ripe verse..) .peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Bazooka bastard
Groupie Joined: 30 December 2015 Status: Offline Points: 108 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Haha Yes safe for that Crimson!
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