Open Mic: Drugs, wife swapping, giant peach

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Bazooka bastard View Drop Down
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    Posted: 01 November 2017 at 12:03am
If you live and learn do you die n teach?
Was James in a giant peach or a Giants peach?
I got told: applying bleach = whiter teeth,
But they were taking the piss like a urinal theif,

I'm sick at T dotting, ruthless I crossing,
Thrill em to the core like Tuesday night shopping
I'm being supervised cuz right now suicides popping,
Cuz my mood got a tendency to swing like wife swapping,

You can call me drugsy Malone,
I take drugs with my mates I take drugs on my own,
Fucked up in the club queue, fucked when I'm home,
I'm fucked if I do em, n more fucked if I don't,

So I say fuck it I'm gettin extra tipsy,
Spring in my step makes me remember slinkys,
Wake up the next day, breath smells of whiskey,
Cuz I've smashed more glasses than Velma dinkley,

I am extremely fucking bored
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 November 2017 at 7:02pm
If you live and learn do you die n teach?
Was James in a giant peach or a Giants peach?
I got told: applying bleach = whiter teeth,
But they were taking the piss like a urinal theif,

(really liked this opening segment here,the twist in logic was
intriguing and provoking also,your simile was nice too,I like the
participation aspect within,forced the reader to think, it kind of
had a ying and yang vibe/concept which I thought worked well
here,yeah this has provoked my interest and drawn me in,good
start with added sprite..)

I'm sick at T dotting, ruthless I crossing,
Thrill em to the core like Tuesday night shopping
I'm being supervised cuz right now suicides popping,
Cuz my mood got a tendency to swing like wife swapping,

(the similes are coming thick and fast on reading, their also
reading fresh too,this had an abstract like discription entow,
i thought it was clever how you offered an alternative for a
kind of by-polar enduced state,plus these short lines are
ticking the boxes where flow is concerned,their easy in the
eye also,(sometimes a wall of words can create a feel of a
heavy read in store),but they just added here and overall,nice
work I'm liking the easy digestible contents..)

You can call me drugsy Malone,
I take drugs with my mates I take drugs on my own,
Fucked up in the club queue, fucked when I'm home,
I'm fucked if I do em, n more fucked if I don't,

(the carefree attitude here towards your habit has a vibe that's
says I don't give a fuck about what others feel or think,it's only
your preference that matters,only you who understands you
knows what's good or bad within,but all the time masking the
problem by bouncing along and slowly waisting away,I'm liking
the concept and contents here as of yet,nice section..)

So I say fuck it I'm gettin extra tipsy,
Spring in my step makes me remember slinkys,
Wake up the next day, breath smells of whiskey,
Cuz I've smashed more glasses than Velma dinkley,

(the metaphoric value was good here,this verse has somethin
for everyone to like, the mechanics are good and the piece is
engaging from start to end via its subject matter,and the fact it
challenges thought on where the reader stands on this subject
was a cool inclusion,a real nice and enjoyable read,ripe verse..)
.peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Bazooka bastard Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 November 2017 at 2:04am
Haha Yes safe for that Crimson!
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