Open Mic: Duo

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anonymiss9 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 30 June 2019 at 7:00am
They call me cjloccz for a reason
Loccz always local with the poke ready to stab man on a g ting
Leave a opp boy on the floor bleeding
Couldn’t give a fuck if this nigga breathing
lil nigga this is robbery season
Knife n shoot man down if they beefing
Ma bro wervs hop out of the back of the hypo with street sweeper n sweep him
20 shots in this clip you’ll be sleeping
Gang gang gang what we’re screaming
Hella clips what us nighaz squeezing
Chef man down on the road n we leave him
Hop in the dsg trip tronic sport + traction on n we’re speeding
We’re out morning to the evening
Night to cos a nigga ain’t sleeping
Aco 24s ye I’m a street kid
Always rolling wid Mitch
wid a big bag a yay
On the run got no where to stay
Just got me ma stolen n ma mate
Ma graft phones ma 8th n ma blade
I’m out ere yeah I’m tryna get cake
Vicky just belles sez she’s want 8
She said she wants also 10 for her mate
I told her I’m only coming from estate
It’s a 100 pound shot trust me I won’t be late
I wanna see stacks Suttin like Trey
all these ps till am filling up a safe
I don’t wanna go back to the cage so I’m ducking spotlight threw the mains and estates
I know what I’m doing when I’m in them plates
Fuck feds no comment all the way
On ma bros I’ll never chat to the jakes
Everyone know loccz isn’t fake
Realest about at my age n most realer than most than the olders on the estate
michelle pulling up in merc or a range

Cj locks listen up
R We going on a graft
I’m macked up
Masked up ready to
Wrap up
It’s Shelly on the mic
I spit out of spite
In the head I’m no right

Im no driving a merc
It’s an overfinch range
Wen I approach u it’ll feel strange
Ur looks Will change

I’ll carve ur face
Into a disgrace
You’ll wish u didn’t try to tie my lace

I’ll puncture ur lungs
leave u in a bad place
Don’t plead to me ur case
Ur an insignificant to me
u ain’t even in the same race

I’m a Lamborghini n ur a Skoda
I wish Sumcunt already told ya
That u ain’t no chance of becoming my soulja
If ur a pussy a don’t wanna know ya

Shelly Aka anonymiss
Always wearing a mask out cunts she takes the piss
N who ur Bullied into riding along with
If ur no up for it
Ur soul Shell sieve
Loved ones ull be with

Ill tie strap bricks to ur ankles
With u I’ll set an example
Send u over a cliff
Then I’ll sit back n light a spliff

Here cade u haven’t got a clue
About the fucked up sgit I’ve been through
It’ll make u spew
In a game of snooker I’m aiming for the 8 ball with my cue
I turn carboards blue

Wen they see me woth my glock their all in shock
Going through their head their thinking how many rounds has this crazy bitch got
Here muthafucka I’m armed to the teeth I’m hot
After my lifestyle u saught
Until ur loud n get caught
No respect for these cunts I’ve got

A man who is sleazy
I can take out easy
I’m the sorta wumin
U won’t see coming
3or 5 at a time on u I’m pulling

Seeing how good this woman is at trigger pulling
Ain’t no wannabe ain’t no fooling young yoots she’s still schooling

Their thinking why they still alive
It’s cos id rather corrupt them then skive
I’m heading up the ladder ain’t no hanging in a dive
Along with my boys I’d take a 25

All these bottons I’d fill with lead
Leave them for dead
But can do it that good
I’ll utilise them n employ them instead
Cos it’s not about the violence it’s about how good they can control their head





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D.Von Doom View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote D.Von Doom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2019 at 1:48am
Need to broaden to vocab. 95 lercernt9 of the concepts were simple and predictable. For example, a rhyme ended with bleeding then the next one ended with bleeding....no internal rhymes nor wordplay to throw off the predictability. And this was also too lengthy to be random rhymes. That turns people off from reading it. Are you new to rap?? If not you need to peep more rappers who do things better than you then learn from them. This isn't horrible but could be better.
I can only fall off in space...
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Absolute Abomination View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2019 at 6:25am
nice little freestyle. Simple vocab but not always a bad thing, the repetition of words a few lines later doesn't help the flow though IMO. e.g. you used "estate" 3 times in 10 lines and "mate" 2 times in 5 where it seemed like you just didnt have another word to use.

sorta sounds like a radio throwaway freestyle.
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2019 at 3:42pm
Firstly, let me state now i did like this,

Cons.
yes it was dripping gangsta, yes it was a basic rhyme scheme, yes it came off as a
freestyle, yes it lacked depth, and yes it did lack creativity also,

On the norm i don't enjoy reading G raps, i tend to find their 1 directional in approach
and predictable too, they lack the quality's of real life and emotions felt by the majority
of ppl on this planet, they don't add much or in my opinion anything, unless their real
creative which is real hard to achieve because the concept/concepts have been done
all before, it's a well played out field, the same could be said about love, but there are
many areas to exploit with the help of little creative writing & some emotion to stop it becoming stale, (Ps for information purposes, i'm not a hippy, the love part was just an
example)..

Pro's.
It did flow, it did come off as a focused piece, it did have eye pleasing line lengths, it did
have a quick fire rhyme scheme attached too,

This verse here (although not my cup of tea as far as topics go) did have a rather nice
rolling theme going for it, meaning you gave it thought by having a start,middle and an
end, and the fact is not many females go down this route (G raps) was in some ways
pleasing as you evoked a memory, you in some way remind of a female rapper called
Lady Boss, (a female clone of Easy E, in about the same era and time), which raised a
smile on reading (so thanks for that), what i'm saying is don't stay in 1 vein, mix it up
some and surprise yourself..

Peace.

"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Katalyst View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Katalyst Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2019 at 1:01am
I see you posting a lotta this type of rap and I personally enjoy this style although not my first choice when writing my own shit, you have some good skill when it comes to writing gangsta type rap and you execute the style well.

Vocab was pretty standard and i felt like the word choice could have been slightly more in depth, though this piece comes off as a freestyle so in that case the lack of intricate vocabulary is more understandable.

Well written and definitely well thought out judging from the structure of the verses and lines, also real nice to see a female rapper from the UK, (presumably, due to the choice of words), ripping it up and doing her thing!
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