Open Mic: Eyes Wide Closed Feat Sammy and Crimson Juice

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    Posted: 23 April 2017 at 1:40pm
Shankley

How can you blindly believe in a guy when you can't see him
When you're looking for truth and the answers you're seeking
But it's just lies that the hand is feeding
And they just feed off the blind believing
But when you finally open your eyes and the light your seeing
Finally gives life to you and your life some meaning
Don't get it twisted I'm just spitting I'm not preaching
Like everyone I'm still reaching but I just find this hard to swallow
When I look around and see the world in sorrow
When I look around and see the world is hollow
There's no Eden... Nah just the world in horror
Apathy and lethargy is the two words they follow

Sammy

decrepit. living dead walking the line of night and day
inception. Beginning borders end as light sustain
youthful twilight. Dusk wrapped in sentimental sky-lit beige
tongue twisted serpent; Seth slithers among Osiris reign
Sigh of the calling dawn. Apes warring - the tides has change
events drifting in brainwave's current.
Change pace. Nervous for the future as strange face surfaced
The horizon, its red face furnace
burning the bridges of yesterday
A wordsmith serpent lurking; A metal plate sturgeon
carefully unraveling the fabric like an metallic face surgeon

Crimson Juice

But it's all a question of scale,
we are strong but then we're also frail,
From womb to the tomb we make trails,
hanging memories up on nails,
To traverse earth with a soul mate like rails,
with the wind to our sails,

Where the dream is the belief,
But all we see as the world turns is the grief,
I dry my eyes with a handkerchief,
That was drawn from pocket like it was a sheaf,
But I'm beached like whale or reef,
We're all grounded-down & canned like corn beef,

But like that man we can't see,
Faith for some people dis a tour or a road to a destiny,
And you all better believe,
That our souls are in vessels but not for eternity,
To gain wisdom I do decree,
To suffer and know is the enlightening of Tierney,
The Amount of Fucks given: Zero
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 April 2017 at 11:33pm
oh wow! i was so focused on audio lately i had no idea this was up. not to pat my (our) own back but this came out pretty dope! well done guys :)


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 April 2017 at 7:20pm
Shankley thanks for the opportunity to jump on this with you and Sammy,to be honest
i thought the short verses were a breath of fresh air,considering all the reading matter
that's out there of late (IC2),i must say i enjoyed your verse here,it simplistic and direct
in nature,which for me was a solid route for this collab,you set the tone well with your reasoning and questioning,that when pondered had a deep under lining current with
them,also backed up by some nice factual content and angles,the concept itself was
cool,questioning one self 1st then the world,then still left with nothing but questions,
the dilemma itself is truth as I guess many ppl here have had similar thoughts about
society on the whole,a nice little thought provoking read..peace.


Sammy as per usual your verse was nicely written and worded,you packed an awful lot
of detail within your piece,that conjured some good imagery whilst on reading,also it
with a poetic vibe running with it just lifted it up really,your flow/tempo stayed at a
constant throughout that made this read effortless,someday we're going to have to do
a collab,I also liked your word choices here,subtle and forceful too plus they didn't read
out of place or like they were exaggerated in any way,quite delightful short read that
like Shankley's gave me a kick on reading ripe..peace.   



"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 April 2017 at 2:32pm
Damn. a lot of substance for just 3 small verses. I felt like I was looking at the world through the eyes of 3 jaded guys lol.

Shankley: You had the most blunt verse but it had a natural path from start to end. You disputed a God but gave no happy alternative, so it was full of dread. Very melancholy and definitely set the tone for the verses that followed. Content wise it confronts the hypocrisy of religion and puts that statement into a very clean and clear rhyme.

Sammy: You're like a rapping Ronnie James Dio lmao. What I got from your verse (judging by the last bar) was someone reluctantly opening their eyes to a world they didn't want to see. Correct me if I'm wrong but that's what I got. So yeah, plenty of negative words thrown in there, even starting it off with 'decrepit'. What else stood out to me was the attention to detail, like for example using the word 'sentimental' to describe the colour of the sky. The vocab and metaphorical style were on point. I took what I could from it but honestly there are probably a lot of layers I didn't quite make it to.

CJ: Damn I was feeling this. You started off by talking about the road of life apathetically, then switched it up talking about religion and how some view life as a 'road to a destiny' (I'm guessing that you mean some form of afterlife). I also liked the grief line cause the negative things do drown everything else out. Overall though you've definitely upped your game and your style is becoming more technical. The rhymes were consistent and it didn't affect what you were trying to say at all.

Good job everyone, now I'm gonna go to my happy place lol.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 April 2017 at 2:42pm
Thanks you your time Goryo,appreciate you input here,rest assured i'll kop your next
piece for feed,(but i guess you knew that already..lol.)..peace.


ps or better still a collab..
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 April 2017 at 2:58pm
Originally posted by Crimson Juice Crimson Juice wrote:

ps or better still a collab..

Message me anytime if you want to collab. I've been a bit flaky with collabs before but intend on fixing that.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 April 2017 at 10:09pm
Shankley

How can you blindly believe in a guy when you can't see him
When you're looking for truth and the answers you're seeking 
But it's just lies that the hand is feeding 
And they just feed off the blind believing 

I love these pieces, because they always generalize one belief. Why is the theory of God always short listed to the guy in the clouds?



But when you finally open your eyes and the light your seeing 
Finally gives life to you and your life some meaning 
Don't get it twisted I'm just spitting I'm not preaching 
Like everyone I'm still reaching but I just find this hard to swallow 
When I look around and see the world in sorrow 
When I look around and see the world is hollow
There's no Eden... Nah just the world in horror 
Apathy and lethargy is the two words they follow 


you ever seen the documentary "What The Fuck Do We Know?" its some quasi quantum physics mumbo jumbo hogwash fuckery.. but! there is a scene when they take words and jars of water. and put different words and energy into these jars and each one changes. if your world is all misery, I think inner peace is missing. is the world perfect? far from it. is it all doom and gloom? fuck nah. go for a stroll in a park sometime. the world has so much beauty.

Sammy

decrepit. living dead walking the line of night and day
inception. Beginning borders end as light sustain
youthful twilight. Dusk wrapped in sentimental sky-lit beige
tongue twisted serpent; Seth slithers among Osiris reign

when you gon teach me to rap bro?

Sigh of the calling dawn. Apes warring - the tides has change
events drifting in brainwave's current.
Change pace. Nervous for the future as strange face surfaced
The horizon, its red face furnace
burning the bridges of yesterday
A wordsmith serpent lurking; A metal plate sturgeon
carefully unraveling the fabric like an metallic face surgeon

is it a planet of apes? we share the same genetics as pigs too. I liked this shit sammy. overall, I think it was pretty delicate, but how can you not be? also to touch on the waves/current play, disbelief isnt just the millenial age. tons of debauchery and indulgance to the smut that caters to these "times" has always been prevalent. but a discussion for another time.

Crimson Juice

But it's all a question of scale,
we are strong but then we're also frail, 
From womb to the tomb we make trails,
hanging memories up on nails, 
To traverse earth with a soul mate like rails,
with the wind to our sails, 

this is pretty slick Crim. I think if you got more comfortable with not rushing to the end bar, itd develop your style even further. example:

but its all a question of scale,
strong but frail

exact same bar but so much more room to wiggle.


Where the dream is the belief, 
But all we see as the world turns is the grief,
I dry my eyes with a handkerchief, 
That was drawn from pocket like it was a sheaf,
But I'm beached like whale or reef, 
We're all grounded-down & canned like corn beef, 

I liked the subtle social jab here. if I took the last line to be correct. that either we work ourselves to the grave or we get locked up trying to shake the system. I could be buggin tho, but art is subjective..so that was how I took it to be.

But like that man we can't see,
Faith for some people dis a tour or a road to a destiny, 
And you all better believe, 
That our souls are in vessels but not for eternity, 
To gain wisdom I do decree, 
To suffer and know is the enlightening of Tierney,

I liked how you ended this.


well, as a whole piece. I like this. clearly has tons of room for discussion. I think Skan went for the easy way. Sammy kept it inquizzative and Crim just tossed his two cents in lol.


technically, Sammy shines. I see so much brilliance in Crim's work but he seems to be a slave to his setup and/or first rhyme. Once he says fuck it, he gon be wild. I look forward to more of Skans work as he was brief with his abilities.
#Bananas
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