Open Mic: Fall Classic ft. Sammy/kiki/dizz

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Sammy

Weeping willows hung like portraits of past
Gorgeous pasture running an upward slope for Mulligan patch 
Pumpkin seeds loitered the path. The noise, so unique
Voice of reasons - silent. Silence; quiet. our boyhood retreat. 
festering brooks and creeks heaving 
Early autumn demure
Morning pattern so alluring...
“I know It’s calling. I’m sure”. 
Haunted decor behind the Aiken bridge. Decrepit and dry
U know History has a smell? A charcoal scented in time 
Dented along New England’s delta, pending pine and smoke
Mulligan Patch
The chimes of old man Ackerman stays warning us: DON’T!! 
EVEN
TRY
“We won’t, Mr Ackerman.”
His axe, rustic grinding against milestones
His mileage shown. Wrinkly pattern along denim sack of tired bones 
Our old man Ackerman in Autumn.
Our portrait of home.
Boarded in orange tome, denoting a slight tinge of gray
Stained finish lodged appropriately in an old vintage frame

Kiki 

Believe it's a free for all as we freeze in awe, 
Trees lean to form the features of a ouija board,
See a corpse knee deep in gore that leads it forth, 
The body leaves the floor like that scene from SAW, 
Seaps from pores and muffled speech from weakened jaw,
He sweeps the oar of this never seen before heathens score,
It proceeds to soar and leaps towards either or, 
Fleeting even more, leaving its depleting core, 
It's seems to be a 'C', we crawl to try and read it more, 
'I' 'A' 'R'.. Now I'm weeping hoards of tears for thoughts-
Of this nearly gaunt clearly warped neo form-

Dizzle

Pitch black fog strangles my senses
howles at the moon leave me defenseless.. 
relentless fear engulfs my head with, 
a deafening silence of tension..
my inner shadow is dying in the trenches
paying attention as the anxiety is climbing 
A forest so silent yet i can feel them hiding Inside..
im frightened and petrified 
I can feel them behind me..
Kicking up dead leafs as their vanishing..
silhouette mannequins flashing, im scrambling
The damp forest floor is challenging
i smack dead into a tree and lose my balance quick 
lights out, i awake in this forest of abandonment 
The source of my horror was a mass killing
On a Indian mound of death  

Smooth

There are..
twisted limbs of cedar in this thicket on this windy day,
a distant silver shimmer off the middle of a misty lake.
I whimper as the scent of liqueur lingers from the gin I drank..
..My liver lumbers harder but the shivers fade..
A figure with a silhouetted sickle hid within my brain. 
The cigarette that sits between my fingers left a bitter taste.
A little rain'll trickle through the timber till the rivers rage, 
spill their banks, and drift as if to symbolize my inner pain. 
I squinted as I listened and the liquid in my chiseled veins
shifted when I sprinted from the image of a killers blade.
Critters shake and quiver next to lady slipper suede..
s'if to signal there's an evil as it lifted through the haze.
And my rib's about to break from the beating of my heart
Cuz I'm breathing in so hard that it really isn't safe..
I am dizzy and I'm tripping cuz my vision is restricted
Trees bending in submission as they whip me in the face.

Edited by Smoothtung - 23 October 2018 at 4:29am

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Smoothtung Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN	Post Options Post Reply Quote Smoothtung Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Topic: Fall Classic ft. Sammy/kiki/dizz Posted: 23 October 2018 at 4:23am
	Sammy Weeping willows hung like portraits of past Gorgeous pasture running an upward slope for Mulligan patch Pumpkin seeds loitered the path. The noise, so unique Voice of reasons - silent. Silence; quiet. our boyhood retreat. festering brooks and creeks heaving Early autumn demure Morning pattern so alluring... “I know It’s calling. I’m sure”. Haunted decor behind the Aiken bridge. Decrepit and dry U know History has a smell? A charcoal scented in time Dented along New England’s delta, pending pine and smoke Mulligan Patch The chimes of old man Ackerman stays warning us: DON’T!! EVEN TRY “We won’t, Mr Ackerman.” His axe, rustic grinding against milestones His mileage shown. Wrinkly pattern along denim sack of tired bones Our old man Ackerman in Autumn. Our portrait of home. Boarded in orange tome, denoting a slight tinge of gray Stained finish lodged appropriately in an old vintage frame Kiki Believe it's a free for all as we freeze in awe, Trees lean to form the features of a ouija board, See a corpse knee deep in gore that leads it forth, The body leaves the floor like that scene from SAW, Seaps from pores and muffled speech from weakened jaw, He sweeps the oar of this never seen before heathens score, It proceeds to soar and leaps towards either or, Fleeting even more, leaving its depleting core, It's seems to be a 'C', we crawl to try and read it more, 'I' 'A' 'R'.. Now I'm weeping hoards of tears for thoughts- Of this nearly gaunt clearly warped neo form- Dizzle Pitch black fog strangles my senses howles at the moon leave me defenseless.. relentless fear engulfs my head with, a deafening silence of tension.. my inner shadow is dying in the trenches paying attention as the anxiety is climbing A forest so silent yet i can feel them hiding Inside.. im frightened and petrified I can feel them behind me.. Kicking up dead leafs as their vanishing.. silhouette mannequins flashing, im scrambling The damp forest floor is challenging i smack dead into a tree and lose my balance quick lights out, i awake in this forest of abandonment The source of my horror was a mass killing On a Indian mound of death Smooth There are.. twisted limbs of cedar in this thicket on this windy day, a distant silver shimmer off the middle of a misty lake. I whimper as the scent of liqueur lingers from the gin I drank.. ..My liver lumbers harder but the shivers fade.. A figure with a silhouetted sickle hid within my brain. The cigarette that sits between my fingers left a bitter taste. A little rain'll trickle through the timber till the rivers rage, spill their banks, and drift as if to symbolize my inner pain. I squinted as I listened and the liquid in my chiseled veins shifted when I sprinted from the image of a killers blade. Critters shake and quiver next to lady slipper suede.. s'if to signal there's an evil as it lifted through the haze. And my rib's about to break from the beating of my heart Cuz I'm breathing in so hard that it really isn't safe.. I am dizzy and I'm tripping cuz my vision is restricted Trees bending in submission as they whip me in the face. Edited by Smoothtung - 23 October 2018 at 4:29am
	Imagery so vividly intrinsic you might miss it.. Though you never even had the chance to witness it

rhetorical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote rhetorical Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Posted: 23 October 2018 at 6:22pm
	Sammy, I swear Sammy, I would never even attempt to reach your level of poetry lol. It’s not just the poetry, but how you use it so advantageously to breathe life and imagery into your verse. You just paint these verses with such unique strokes of the brush. . Great entry here KiKi, This verse was cool, the jaw line felt a bit forced to me. And the line following didn’t make a lot of sense to me. . but no issues with the rest of it. The flow was cool, no hang ups there. Just the one bump I mentioned, but you quickly recovered Dizzle, Had some nice imagery in here, mixed with some smooth flow. I like the mannequin line, mainly because I find mannequins creepy lol . . . the way you structure your verses makes for a quick read without losing any of the content or anything. Good ish brutha Smooth, This was a vast improvement over a lot of the other verses I read from you man. The multis were always evident in your other verse, but the lines and structure was always just scattered and messy. This one was much more composed and put together. This was a really dope verse man I feel like this was just a display of individual talents more then an actual collaboration. It did capture one theme that everyone brought their own styles to , I was left thinking it would have been better if there was a cohesive story to follow with each verse contributing to that story . . . but on their owns, each verse was dope and still made for an entertaining read. Good job peeps Edited by rhetorical - 24 October 2018 at 3:37pm