Open Mic: for asylum |
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DDD
Standard Member Joined: 26 April 2008 Location: Alton Status: Offline Points: 186 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-5-2 Form: LLLNNL |
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Posted: 04 May 2008 at 9:55pm |
yo you better fall back pretending to be rap/
talkin all that smack shutup and produce yo lines asap/ yo you most be on crack and when you spit there's no claps/ i've got a knack tell me when you start so i can take a nap/ i'm gonna eat you for a snack why cause your rap is crap/ keep yo mind on track if you don't wanna get slapped/ i've cut you to much slack i'm about to blow you off the map/ cut all that yack i'll ignore you like stupid apps/ |
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hit me up
DDD |
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G-Pfeif
Superior Member Joined: 19 June 2004 Location: Maryland Status: Offline Points: 2541 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-0 Form: WWWLLW |
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the simplicity of your rhymes amuses me....
luckily for me, i was never this terrible, so I have no problem making fun of you... quit now... youre embarrasing yourself |
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<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/G-Pfeif/SuckaMCTo-DoList.png" />
"I'll put a Loss to ya name like a Mexican City" "Ill Put an L to ya EGO like them building blocks" |
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Fatal
Superior Member ...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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Whats a "stupid app?"
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Swift Styles
Standard Member Joined: 24 September 2007 Location: East Coast, US Status: Offline Points: 2014 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-4-1 Form: WWLWNL |
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like i said b4.. crack the dictionary or thesaurus... or at least use rhymezone or something.. too basic...
not at all fun to read |
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Cee-Jay Outlaw
Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2131 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: WLLWWL |
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and i thought i was bad when i look back now!
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Swift Styles
Standard Member Joined: 24 September 2007 Location: East Coast, US Status: Offline Points: 2014 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-4-1 Form: WWLWNL |
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^your sig is whack...
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Rameez
Superior Member Joined: 31 July 2007 Location: Brampton, CDN Status: Offline Points: 3922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-40-4 Form: NWWWWW |
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well u did manage to improve your rhyme scheme a bit
yo you better fall back pretending to be rap/ talkin all that smack shutup and produce yo lines asap/ _____A____A _____A____A good now jus change the rhyme word.. try lookin for bigger words.. small word are ez to get thats why these ppl find it basic.. use more like assassinated/fascinated (assas-sin-ated/fas-cin-ated) ... u can look at other ppl spit.. and jus use there rhyme word to get started.. |
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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...^^^^why it gotta be all that???^..did he fuck your girl or sumthin? smh
back to DDD
i've got a knack tell me when you start so i can take a nap/
that was the best line, you need shit like that throughout the whole verse, try to spit something more shocking, try to amuse these dickheads a lil'
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dalinquent
Superior Member Joined: 04 June 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4687 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 29-23-1 Form: WLLLWL |
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Chain = Herb - So don't take his opinion
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hanGing
Veteran Not to be Fucked With. Joined: 28 October 2003 Status: Offline Points: 5008 Text Rank: #8 Stats: 30-10-6 Form: NNWLNL |
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Take his opinion..
(Chains that is)
Every opinion is valid.. It's how you take them that counts.
(Though ignore Dal.. I do daily)
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dalinquent
Superior Member Joined: 04 June 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4687 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 29-23-1 Form: WLLLWL |
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No it aint... Thats just preserving his feelings, You don't get better with people being nice to u, you get better with people being critical of u...
all in all, ram had the best post in this thread, which is terrible :P really tho |
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Rameez
Superior Member Joined: 31 July 2007 Location: Brampton, CDN Status: Offline Points: 3922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-40-4 Form: NWWWWW |
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best post.. which is terrible???
well your is shitter than mine so u win :P |
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Madeye
Standard Member Joined: 25 March 2008 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1177 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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Huh ?...
*anyway*
Yo, 3D... when you get to the moments of "closing" your bars, try to get multies at the ends (and all over in yur bars, eventually)....
Like:
..... ...... ..... ..... ..... Throw you a bar to feed off
..... ...... ..... ..... ..... Blow me hard, then "clean me off"
"mirror-ing" your bars can add complexity and originality to your ish as well...
This makes the rhyme-scheme that much more appealing - and at the same time,
these anal-retentive feeds might subside. But yeah, like Chain said -
try to spit something to amuse these dickheads a lil'
and... no one makes the A-list in one day.
Stay Up, 3D...
One ['1]
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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Fatal
Superior Member ...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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What your saying is right, but the example was shit. You tried to do a 7 syllable multie but the rhymes didnt match up! Lol...Ill show you: "THROW You A BAR" and "BLOW Me HARD"...The "blow me hard doesnt match up considering the "throw you a bar" had 4 syllables...Now you can have imperfect multies (which refers to not EVERY word rhyming but the stressed words DO) I bolded the rhymes that you stressed. And they do not match. And since that was fucked, so was the next part: "To FEED OFF" and "Then CLEAN Me OFF"...See what i mean? Your syllables are mismatched. Here's an example of an imperfect multie wit perfect syllables matching up. I'll use your first line:
to THROW you a BAR to FEED OFF my FLOW is so HARD, you NEED GOD See how the stressed words you used are now matching? Hope this helps out a bit....
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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wow! .....so i'm a herb now? lol
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dalinquent
Superior Member Joined: 04 June 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4687 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 29-23-1 Form: WLLLWL |
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YEA!!!!!! FUCK YOU GOIN DO ABOUT IT...
J/K |
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Madeye
Standard Member Joined: 25 March 2008 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1177 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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My bad... I stand corrected. I gave a bad example, and thanx for "clarifying".
Don't get the impression that I didn't know wut I was talking about... but, yeah... thanx, Fatal.
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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
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Wait, was this a try-out or a diss? Either way, you need a bit of work on your stuff DDD, and ignore Dal, he can get a bit pissy when he things someone's trying to insult him....
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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dalinquent
Superior Member Joined: 04 June 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 4687 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 29-23-1 Form: WLLLWL |
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i wasn't being pissy, I knew this wasn't a diss, it was a tryout... I was just being critical... tbh the best feedback points out whats done wrong, as oppose to whats done right... hater
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
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Ok, so if it's a tryout, I vote "no," even though I know we aitn a democracy oh illustrious Dal-I Lllama... |
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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