Open Mic: 1st Rap |
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Mathematics
Newbie Joined: 11 July 2012 Location: Usa Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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Posted: 12 July 2012 at 3:47am |
Aha yea i know but i was just brain dead, i'll try better
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-Felix
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Psycho Tick
Groupie Joined: 10 July 2012 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 75 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-1 Form: LN |
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sorry just saw cee jays, yeah it needs to rhyme bro its crucial
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Psycho Tick
Groupie Joined: 10 July 2012 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 75 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-1 Form: LN |
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what rhyme scheme u using bro? i cant see hardly any rhymes, maybe its my accent. so dont wanna neg feed if its me
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Cee-Jay Outlaw
Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2131 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: WLLWWL |
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nothing seems to rhyme at the end bro but you have content stuff on lock down down... but you need to get rhymes in there bro
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Mathematics
Newbie Joined: 11 July 2012 Location: Usa Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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oh Alright n thanks For the advice
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-Felix
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Cee-Jay Outlaw
Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2131 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: WLLWWL |
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much better yeah, i'll feed in a sec dude
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Mathematics
Newbie Joined: 11 July 2012 Location: Usa Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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Like That?
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-Felix
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Cee-Jay Outlaw
Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2131 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: WLLWWL |
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dude please structure your verse... its hella annoying to read when its in one massive paragraph like that cos its impossible to find the rhymes.
if its not structured ideally noone will give you feedback cos noone wants to read a fucking essay.. and work out the lines for themselves, when you structure we get the rhymes, the multis and the flow...
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Mathematics
Newbie Joined: 11 July 2012 Location: Usa Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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I infiltrate, every state, state of the union address, Go all over the world, Go Far listening to Mobb Deep, run back in town cause the freaks come out at night, Wake up you were asleep, government killing 10 K with no hesitation, Living A Luxury, Government Taxing,Killing With an even pleasure, Civilians Screwed, Mostly die, Blood Money, Employers nothing to pay, government think its all funny. Education is the future, No One believe it, said i'll compare to shit, don't know my wrongs from my wrong, i need to earn my facts governments never looking back, face it, there spacing themselves from terrorist, But dealing underground, Government selling weapons pound for pound, But the public don't hear a sound. Edited by Mathematics - 11 July 2012 at 10:56pm |
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-Felix
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