Open Mic: Fucked Up |
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DWall97 
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Joined: 26 June 2012 Location: Gpie Status: Offline Points: 79 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WLW |
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 Topic: Fucked UpPosted: 16 July 2012 at 10:14pm |
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I thought my life was settled, shut of the problems
Look after number one, and life'll be up on the constant After a lil bit of time I realized the mistake was mine when concious, life was great, I could call her hand mine when we fought, i'd end up injured, like I stepped ona land mine stand fine, its over! so i'ma swig this and take place! You're Gone bitch! now disappear with ya fake face Im shooting artillery, drinking straight from the distillery Im done with misery Ima send it back to you via delivery Life sucks bad and for me all hell breaks loose daily, Hated on coasts, as this hurricane shakes roofs greatly Lately, been hitting the unending bottle, search for the bottom getting so fucked up, that my troubles are forgotten |
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-D97!
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Cee-Jay Outlaw
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Joined: 11 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2131 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: WLLWWL |
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Posted: 16 July 2012 at 10:17pm |
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Mad elevation from you! The Opener was dope!
Hurricane Line was sick too! Props Bro, Keep up!
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DWall97
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Joined: 26 June 2012 Location: Gpie Status: Offline Points: 79 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WLW |
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Posted: 16 July 2012 at 10:19pm |
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Thanks man! It was something other than keystyled for once!
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-D97!
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DressToKill
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Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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Posted: 17 July 2012 at 3:30am |
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Yeah, Dwall this is good elevation from you, dude. The only thing that I didn't like was a part of the rhyme scheme. Your 3rd, 4th and 5th lines all rhymed and I was execting the 6th to follow that same ryhme. Try matching up your bars so if your going to go
A A B B C C C Then make this bar C as well instead of a new rhyme You feel me? other than that good job on the elevation. Another thought, possibly make it into a transition rhyme into your next rhyme. That aids flow and definitely ups the complexity of the verse.
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The original comeback kid
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DWall97
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Joined: 26 June 2012 Location: Gpie Status: Offline Points: 79 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WLW |
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Posted: 17 July 2012 at 3:50am |
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Yeah i see whatcha saying, and thank ya
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-D97!
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