Open Mic: 16 Bars

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Dyer View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 28 December 2012
Location: Aus
Status: Offline
Points: 4
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Dyer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: 16 Bars
    Posted: 30 December 2012 at 8:45am
your a poser bitch, if your my problem ill gather my composure shit,
then ill throw you to the ground, so now i can easily go get over it,
show your shit, in the east ill leave you deceased yep nothing but dead,
cause you aint a beast bro, your like used yeast yo, fucking in-bread,

so quit dick sucken instead, start tryna come up with a sicker band,
cause everytime you rhyme you get more boo's then my local liquor land,
your the type who's wife is runnen around pushing a broken stroller,
cum on her track pants while she's sippen on bourbon and coca-cola,

shes slurpen and burpen on the sofa shes got no hope shes got a coma,
its so bad, getting all violent against me cause i cant sell her no bag,
yo fag your not dead but ill graff your foot and leave you with a toe tag,
your go jab, hook and uppercut, ill just dodge, duck and counter cunt,


 
Back to Top
Cee-Jay Outlaw View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 11 October 2007
Status: Offline
Points: 2131

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 3-3-0
Form: WLLWWL
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cee-Jay Outlaw Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 December 2012 at 11:15am
lol at the title being "16bars!" so you drop 12! Lmao!
Back to Top
J504 View Drop Down
Banned
Banned
Avatar

Joined: 08 June 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 5385

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 25-0-0
Form: WWWWWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote J504 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 December 2012 at 5:51pm
Quote cum on her track pants while she's sippen on bourbon and coca-cola
 
I call troll.
Back to Top
Dyer View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: 28 December 2012
Location: Aus
Status: Offline
Points: 4
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Dyer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 December 2012 at 10:19pm
lol put up the title then wrote lyrics probly should have changed the title
Back to Top
CHAIN View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 14 November 2006
Status: Offline
Points: 2769

Reigning Open Mic King

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 8-4-0
Form: LWWLWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 December 2012 at 11:19am
Originally posted by Dyer Dyer wrote:


show your shit, in the east ill leave you deceased yep nothing but dead,
cause you aint a beast bro, your like used yeast yo, fucking in-bread,
 
that was dope, yeah....


yo fag your not dead but ill graff your foot and leave you with a toe tag,
 
that was wack as fuck, Fisher Price my first punchlines
 
 
+Sick-Witted+
Back to Top
Venomonology View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 23 October 2012
Status: Offline
Points: 674

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 9-2-0
Form: WWLWWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Venomonology Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 December 2012 at 2:47pm
wouldn't say 'in-bread' was dope. concept was nice, execution was wack. the flow was forced, which was obvious from the fact he worded it with 'bro' and 'yo', then still had to stick 'fucking' in to make up the syllable count. like.. how obviously do you wanna stretch something out just to force an idea to work?
 
after the first 4 lines is just gets wacker and wacker. yeah, you can rhyme ok.. I'll give credit there, but content-wise and concept-wise.. you got a long way to go..
Back to Top
Matty M Scam View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie
Avatar

Joined: 08 December 2012
Location: England
Status: Offline
Points: 148

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 2-6-2
Form: LLWNLN
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Matty M Scam Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 January 2013 at 12:12pm
Mate, this showed potential if you really want it you can be good, but not puttin you down or nuthin but some was as CHAIN said wack as fuck. Re-read and tightin ya lines up and it could be good, don't just settle for 4 average lines because you got 1 good line next. Keep playin with words. Potential. 
Do Shit Make Shit.
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down