Open Mic: fitzy free style |
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fitzy4life07
Newbie Joined: 06 January 2013 Location: ireland Status: Offline Points: 11 |
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Posted: 06 January 2013 at 3:06pm |
and he we go wit this bitches bacis flow slightly below average prepare for verbel carnage for ur retared style reminds me ov jewish steve who died over hitlers major gas leak in nazi germany u creep stop fukin sheep its a fast lane to some undiscover S.T.Ds let the poor beast be the last ting it needs is ur inbread GENES soaking true ur wrangler JEANS and creating a drag queen dats half man and half beast lookin for a hardcore g to put it out ov its misary then take a trip to the brewery and drown ur drunk ass in cafiric acid u cant hack the rap game wit ur mental rhym block minaskul cock dats allways on a flop
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just got liricaly mashed
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Kay B
Superior Member Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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wrong section *face palm*
Moved |
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Acid
Standard Member Joined: 18 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 611 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-4-0 Form: WLLWL |
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damn this is beyond bad structure, this seems so difficult to read, but ill feed back on the content in a while, for now my best feedback:
commas, line breaks, grammar, spelling... commas, line breaks, grammar, spelling... commas, line breaks, grammar, spelling...
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Acid
Standard Member Joined: 18 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 611 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-4-0 Form: WLLWL |
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Nope sorry I actually cannot read it at all, I think I lost a few IQ points (and brain cells), I mean I dont even see the rhymes, the words are impossible to read (most of them) where do the bars/lines separate
''average'' and ''carnage'' only half-rhyme, and that was just the first line, you couldve thought of one full rhyme atleast the middle bit rhymes, but its still fucked, the end bit is just a bit too confusing Also dafuq is ''calfiric acid'',
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fitzy4life07
Newbie Joined: 06 January 2013 Location: ireland Status: Offline Points: 11 |
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i was high doing it and wats gangster about correcting grammer snap outa it faker i u look at tupacs rymes ritten in there raw state dare is messed up grammar to and same wit bigge so stop riden me wanna be PEACE
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just got liricaly mashed
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Acid
Standard Member Joined: 18 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 611 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-4-0 Form: WLLWL |
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Lol, yeah they are, but that doesnt mean they got published with that spelling did they?, and if you're just going to be fucking obstinate, atleast make your shit readable so others can judge you on the quality of your verse instead of being blinded by a thick layer of illiterate, btw, I didnt say its 'gangster' to correct the grammar, just at least make it make sense...
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fitzy4life07
Newbie Joined: 06 January 2013 Location: ireland Status: Offline Points: 11 |
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I DID NOT SAY THEY WERE PUBLISHED IN THAT STATE I CAN SPELL PERFECT U SMALL MINDED PERSON JUST BECAUSE UR LYRICS ARE BASIC AND FULL OF GAY SHIT DONT BE A DICK AND SUCK A SMALL PERSON THAT U TRY AND I STRESS TRY TO BRING SOME ONE ELSE DOWN U SAD MAN ANY TIME U WANT TO DROP ME EIGHT FEEL FREE AND I MASH U FOOLISH LITTLE MAN
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just got liricaly mashed
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Acid
Standard Member Joined: 18 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 611 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-4-0 Form: WLLWL |
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Oh god. You take stuff a bit too much to heart dont you? I said structure it in a way that makes sense, I dont care if you do wanna spell or not, basically all Im saying is separate the damn lines or something to know where the bars split, I wasnt trying to start beef with you or whatever lol, I think you need to calm the fuck down.
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fitzy4life07
Newbie Joined: 06 January 2013 Location: ireland Status: Offline Points: 11 |
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ILL BATTLE U FREE STYLE U SEND UR 8 ILL GET BACK WITH 8 IN 120 SECONDS
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just got liricaly mashed
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fitzy4life07
Newbie Joined: 06 January 2013 Location: ireland Status: Offline Points: 11 |
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SEE U LACK CREATIVTY U CANT FREE STYLE WITCH IS ONE OF THE BASIC FORMS OF RAP SO STOP TALKING SHIT LIKE U NO WHAT UR TALKING ABOUT CAUSE U DONT U NO I WOULD SLAY U IN FREE STYLE
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just got liricaly mashed
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Venomonology
Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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calm down fitzy.what you wrote here wasn't that good, Acid just gave you feedback then you start acting like a cunt? why?
you gotta learn to take criticism. I know what you mean about Pac & Biggie, they didn't have perfect spelling but then they weren't posting their lyrics on a text site.. if you drop an audio piece you can spell shit however you want. if you drop a text piece, the structure is important because it helps people see your flow, etc. plus you already showed you can spell properly, so why not just do that from the start? by pretending that you can't spell, it makes you seem fake now. there are some dope writers here who could help you elevate, Acid is one of them. but you have to be respectful and accept constructive feedback.
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Jay Homicide
Standard Member Joined: 11 November 2009 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 1329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-3-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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Hmmm, does Jay Hom have to stomp a faggot out?
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Jay Homicide
Standard Member Joined: 11 November 2009 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 1329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-3-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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For the freestyling faggot, 12 lines in 5 minutes or less if you want to test what you got.
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Kay B
Superior Member Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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1. Your not gangster, otherwise you wouldnt be on here you'd be out selling drugs, shooting people or whatever it is you gangsters do 2. Your not tupac, dont waste your time tryna copy how he wrote shit, since for starters he had content and flow, you had neither 3. http://dictionary.cambridge.org/ |
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Adziano
Standard Member Joined: 06 April 2012 Status: Offline Points: 156 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: WWLW |
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I think you're wrong Kay... I've been to loads of Hip Hop sites/forums and there seems to be an exceptional amount of Gangsters on there also. It can't be coincidence.
I mean who wants to stand on a street corner slanging all day, or risk jail time committing armed robbery when these guys seem to be able to gain 'cred' and fulfil their Thug Life ambitions while living at their parents house? |
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Adz
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IZIAH
Standard Member Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN |
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well first of all this guys from ireland- no hate fitzy...
so how is this guy a gangster when he's irish- i'm not sure...
and second- this guy is probably just faking all this shit so we think he is a so called "gangsta"...
just sayin' that he isn't a gangster if he's livin' in ireland, he's probably just some guy that wants to rap ALOT better than he is right now...
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~Insight The Inspired~
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Venomonology
Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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lmao @ Adz
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fitzy4life07
Newbie Joined: 06 January 2013 Location: ireland Status: Offline Points: 11 |
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AND WAT DO U NO ABOUT IRLAND AND WHAT I AM AND I AM NOT ? SNAP OUTA IT U LIL BITCH
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just got liricaly mashed
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fitzy4life07
Newbie Joined: 06 January 2013 Location: ireland Status: Offline Points: 11 |
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AND IRELAND IS FULL OV PEPS GETIN SHOT UP EVRY DAY AND STABBINGS ROBBRYS AND IRA BOMBINGS SO IT MORE POLITICAL AND TERRORIST GROUPS BLOWING UP THE ENGLISH U ANT NO SHIT ABOUT MY COUNTRY ITS A VOLITILE PLACE
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just got liricaly mashed
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Venomonology
Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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there are no IRA bombings going on in ireland every day. once every few years there's a shooting or 2, or maybe a group of people throw some bricks at the police.all the action right now is in northern ireland with the reaction about the union jack, but you're not from there. you're from ireland. which is actually quite peaceful these days compared to back in the 80s.
anyway, political terrorists are completely different from gangsters in every way. the IRA do what they do because they believe in something. gangsters do what they do (usually) because they have no choice. so, fitzy. believe me that people here know plenty about ireland and the political situation there. some of us probably know more about it than you do. chill the fuck out.
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