Open Mic: Dark thoughts (cannot be unread) |
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GiliganDillinger
Groupie Joined: 18 January 2014 Status: Offline Points: 223 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 7-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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Posted: 25 February 2014 at 1:31am |
yeah, this is my kind ofs hit right here. could of flowed a lil better but it wasnt a bad flow at all. the story was dope so thats good too. this was an enjoyable read overall....i liked the graphicness and rape setting u portrayed sum good imagery...kind of sounded childish at parts maybe at more vocabulary nextt ime, just my 2 cents, but good shit havent peeped ya before.... keep elevatin
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Blissful Barrage
Groupie Joined: 06 May 2013 Location: 210 Status: Offline Points: 320 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-5-0 Form: WLWWLW |
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Pretty good imagery and flow to this piece. Heh, it got a little more graphic as it went on and held my attention to the end so good job.
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Rapper T
Suspended Joined: 25 November 2013 Location: NZ Status: Offline Points: 1423 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-27-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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Thanks Vellum mayne, much appreciation for your feed
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Vellum
Standard Member Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW |
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i enjoyed this a lot
nice personification on the trouser snake line and good imagery and story telling through out
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Rapper T
Suspended Joined: 25 November 2013 Location: NZ Status: Offline Points: 1423 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-27-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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Thanks for the feed Cheeseburger Eddie, practicing going to 'that place' with this one, stay up n elevate!
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Cheeseburger Eddie
Standard Member Joined: 08 February 2014 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 499 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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That was seriously fucked up. So good job. I wanted out after 2 bars but I read to the end. That's the best compliment I know how to give something like this.
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Rapper T
Suspended Joined: 25 November 2013 Location: NZ Status: Offline Points: 1423 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-27-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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Thanks for the feed INK, I appreciate ya taking the time to scope this
@Mstrmnd, my mum loves this sorta shit ae, she was my 1st vicTim |
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MstrMnd
Newbie Joined: 02 February 2014 Status: Offline Points: 28 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Lol what would your mom think if she read this weird ass shit
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INK.
Banned Joined: 24 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 951 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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bump, please
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INK.
Banned Joined: 24 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 951 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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this right here is slept on my goodness, no replies?
this imagery was very immaculate. Great detail, i am enjoying this side of you. You started the story out nicely, by introducing the character. You presented the them and set the tone, it is phenomenal how u kept this up. I was reeled in the entire way, all the way through to the finish. It is hard for me to feed lengthy drops, but this was worth it. i enjoyed it, Then climbed up in with her and locked us in a cage Clipped some clamps to her nipples and she grimaced in pain awesome here. I made sure she wouldn't start speaking again Gagged her mouth up and fed her pussy my hand LMAO... yea dude alot of quotables and what not. This is a really dope piece. I hope this gets some notoriety bro. nice horrorcore implemented and i am not a fan of that genre. But this was nicely scripted, i'd like to see a topical from you, i'll look in the archives for one if uhave any kia ora |
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Rapper T
Suspended Joined: 25 November 2013 Location: NZ Status: Offline Points: 1423 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-27-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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She must've only been about sixteen years of age Bag on her back, white shirt, skirt on her waist Blue eyes in the clouds, black shoes walking away Unaware in a word of my plans to have her slain I crept up behind her, held the chloroform to her face In a matter of seconds she had managed to faint An impression of fear had her looking afraid I dragged her limp frame back to my place It felt so right, it must have been okay Not a witness in sight so I knew it was safe Yet the adrenaline had my heart to start to race Peeled her uniform off, in underwear she lay On the floor in the lounge and I started to play Stripped everything off til I had her buck nake Didn't wanna be caught so had all incinerate Dreamt bad for a minute at her perfect display Tied her hands to her feet so she'd be bound when awake Then climbed up in with her and locked us in a cage Clipped some clamps to her nipples and she grimaced in pain Started vibrating her clit while puffing on a jay Like a butchering baker, I wanted her baked She started whimpering, while she came and came Then I slapped the cunt hard for leaving a stain It made her come to and she shivered and shaked I said: "don't worry girl, it's gonna be okay" She started the scream, going mentally ape So I stabbed the sluts skull and started leaking her brain But I left her alive so that I could make her pay Cunt-ass bitch, was she fucken insane? I made sure she wouldn't start speaking again Gagged her mouth up and fed her pussy my hand Fist to the shoulder, pushed it in all the way Ripped her insides out and left the hot dog spayed Once I'd hollowed her out, she was trying to say "Please, that was so good, do it to me again" So I pushed it all back in as if to replicate Her whole body was red and purple at this stage The next time used both legs and my trouser snake Nearly climbed inside her, pretending to hibernate I was angry I couldnt fit so her limbs I breaked Sliced the little cunts meat into pan sized steaks Fucken slut couldn't talk then so for her I spake: "That was a good time and in no way rape" And I went back to the window, looking for the next stray ... |
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