Open Mic: "Awe"tistic |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Posted: 14 December 2014 at 12:28am |
"Awe"tistic I sit here, in the wonderful breeze dry, gray grass right under my knees I have my canvas for my next beautiful painting my utensils that make for useful creating So I paint what I see, what I see from my eyes From my eyes what I see is a life of surprise With each stroke, each touch I create a gift of youth An elegant lady with a heavenly smile and a skin silky smooth Pushing a pristine, vintage carriage with my newborn sister Background, white flowers that gleam and couldn't be no richer Red leaves, beautiful tree's designed from autumns solstice Producing what couldn't be a stronger moment and Evolving more detail than the author who wrote it Each color from my palette, instills my families joy and happiness The smile, pure white teeth, toned cheeks from gods craftiness She is always grateful for my flattery so I look at my mother, but see an angel in my masterpiece then I look at my sister, but see the best baby from gods gallery My family, they deserve the best and nothing less so what I gave them was a picture that showed their perfectness. I finished this gem, so striking, glowing from each strand that I ushered Showed my sister and she had her first smile, full of grand from the wonder and then I turned to my guardian angel, and put it in the hand of my mother.... "Awe"tistic..... Edited by The Law - 16 March 2015 at 10:26pm |
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H4ZE
Standard Member Joined: 13 July 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1859 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-6-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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Damn law, your topicals always wow me, the concept around this one was very touching. Flow was smooth for me throughout the piece, but the way you worded it and the use of the imagery within the verse really painted an image in my head of the characters views and thoughts. And the pictures you added with it just added more depth to the already amazing verse. Definitely a great read man. 5 stars imo. Great shit my man.
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Thanks man, I really appreciate. and yeah definitely the pictures are part of the art in this one, without them, it gives a lot less of understanding of the verse.
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Point Blank
Superior Member Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN |
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LOL that last picture got me, did you draw it yourself?
This was pretty nice, had that poetic aura about it which is one of your strengths when you get writing on a piece like this. I liked that 'see from my eyes' section. Nice work bro |
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nomedic
Standard Member Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
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Wow
This was a complex piece similar to your previous work on such a topic but this time you enhanced the imagery and threw in a twist at the end i thought this was super sick bro no doubt and hella entertaining good work |
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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This makes everything I've written in the past few months seem meaningless. Like I've just been writing for the sake of writing while you're here because you have something to say. Big ups on this, was such a refreshing read. Start to finish classic, dope title, don't know what else to say besides well done.
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Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Whoah! The flow on this thing was fucking brilliant. And I loved the concept behind it lol this was comprehensive but yet an affective piece.. good to see you back, dawg. Propz
Ps- I really wanna know if you draw that last pic yoself lol |
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Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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I don't even know what to say. Perfect execution.The presentation was a work of art.
Genius. The god gallery line? Loved the way you worded that. Great concept *slow clap* |
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IZIAH
Standard Member Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN |
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this was fucking dope, the topic was insane, and u did a great job of it dude, flow and words were stunning, keep it up.
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~Insight The Inspired~
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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the way your able to make this feel as if your talking with no force is amazing. The vividness of this piece is damn near realistic. The way you transition and grasp each line is awesome. Though it was short, u were able to be descriptive enough to pull grab hold of your protagonist. Good shit brothaman and welcome back
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fiendishfriend
Groupie Joined: 04 June 2014 Location: minnesota Status: Offline Points: 103 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL |
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Autism has always fascinated me
I've heard someone say that autism Is a result of a person not understanding That life is an act. A game of hide and go seek With itself. And more importantly this was awesome Thank you. Good work. |
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Thank you for all the feedback.
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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Law glad to see you back my dude.
This was dope man. I'm loving the concept. You always have had a way with words that always gave off this poetic vibe. Very very smooth. You painted a real detailed surrounding to the concept that really jumped out to me. It just makes it a much nicer read. I loved how you described certain things in this piece. I loved this drop because it was so creative and unique. How did you come up with a concept like this?. Very original and impressive. hopefully you stick around and drop more pieces like this
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Thanks man I am glad to be back writing something at least
Tbh it actually started where I wanted to write a piece with a bunch of descriptive imagery and j was just thinking and that popped in my head lol. I have another real dope concept that would be good in a two person collab but it'll take a bunch of work to make sure both pieces coincide perfectly. I just read one of your drops as well a little while ago but I can't leave proper feed until I get home from work. Thanks again |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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What a fantastic, fresh & original idea. How hard is it for any one of us to be able to honestly say that. The concept is just one of those that I wish was turned into a 3 verse audio with that last picture as the twist at the end. This was pure art Law.. The detail that you described the love for the family as well as the first picture was delivered in a way that you related to the kid. Then at the end you felt heartbroken bc of his disability but also warm bc the mom loved it regardless. "Awe"some work...
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Thank you for the feedback ILL, it's much appreciated.
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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I would love to get on that collab law
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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I'll send you a pm a little bit later about it.
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Kiki Spirez
Superior Member Joined: 30 December 2008 Location: Chesterfield Status: Offline Points: 4374 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 68-26-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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A lot of writing gets drowned with boasting and negativity, to the point where its hard to make positive words stand along side them, unless the skill is there. And it was with this. You were talking about such a sensitive and beautiful situation, which by definition should've been 'soft', but if anyone can't appreciate your wording and imagery on this, they should log off now.
Props my dude. Great images too, you're right, it does add to it.
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Thanks Keek's
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