Open Mic: Inner Sanctum

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   I don't wanna go back to the block of flats 
With the mattress on the floor and a bottle of jack
To help me drift away and forget the times I've had
Forget all my problems and troubles with my dad
A bottle to wake me up and another for some sleep
I'd wake up with vomit all over me as if it was sun screen
I came from a dark place where I was trapped 
Within my own head hating everything I wrote and rapped
I threw that shit away and went back to basics 
Though I didn't want it people's advice I had to take it 
Had to face it I wasn't the writer i thought I was
Looking back... Criticism yeah I caught a lot 
But it wasn't shots but advice to help me grow 
Ignore it then I'd be like "How is it helping though"
Had to look deep touch some real feelings get relatable 
Am I a bad writer or a writer in bad times... It's debatable 
Unfavourable my mindset at the time was conjusive to writing rhymes
Wasn't enjoyable felt like a bad kid at school just writing lines
It felt like everyone had gone and I'm still at the starting line
Brain just stalling and I'm about to get a parking fine 
Pen would run out of ideas when I would start to write 
I would see disses but I didn't have the heart to fight 
I would find it hard to try to put my thoughts on paper 
And it would annoy me cos I'm not one that applauds failure 

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Shankley Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 03 September 2013 Location: Leeds, England Status: Offline Points: 3369 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 37-43-1 Form: WNLWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Shankley Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Inner Sanctum Posted: 04 February 2016 at 5:40pm
	I don't wanna go back to the block of flats With the mattress on the floor and a bottle of jack To help me drift away and forget the times I've had Forget all my problems and troubles with my dad A bottle to wake me up and another for some sleep I'd wake up with vomit all over me as if it was sun screen I came from a dark place where I was trapped Within my own head hating everything I wrote and rapped I threw that shit away and went back to basics Though I didn't want it people's advice I had to take it Had to face it I wasn't the writer i thought I was Looking back... Criticism yeah I caught a lot But it wasn't shots but advice to help me grow Ignore it then I'd be like "How is it helping though" Had to look deep touch some real feelings get relatable Am I a bad writer or a writer in bad times... It's debatable Unfavourable my mindset at the time was conjusive to writing rhymes Wasn't enjoyable felt like a bad kid at school just writing lines It felt like everyone had gone and I'm still at the starting line Brain just stalling and I'm about to get a parking fine Pen would run out of ideas when I would start to write I would see disses but I didn't have the heart to fight I would find it hard to try to put my thoughts on paper And it would annoy me cos I'm not one that applauds failure
	The Amount of Fucks given: Zero

Venomonology Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Venomonology Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 February 2016 at 8:41pm
	Nice drop man. Content was real, I think a lot of people have had that time when they're getting advice and not sure how it's helping, etc. Self doubt is always a big thing for writers and performers too, so yeah can relate to those things for sure. Couple of things to feed: First off, syllable count haha. Lines 6, 8 and 10 stood out at the start, and then the one ending in "conducive to writing rhymes," seemed like you could've shaved off whole words and refined it for it to flow better. The "bad writer or a writer in bad times" was a decent little play had more potential I think, I love stuff like that. It works well enough, but I think you could've refined that or played around with it and come out with something that worked even better. You got a lot of the fundamentals down man, just about refining it. Been saying that a lot lately on pieces I know, but honestly it can make all the difference when you finish typing up the draft just save it on your desktop or whatever, come back to it a few hours later or a day later, read through it with a fresh mind and be like "ok, what can I polish up here."

SELF ACTIVATE Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL	Post Options Post Reply Quote SELF ACTIVATE Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 February 2016 at 7:20pm
	^Expert advise right there. I was more or less going to say the same things. But, uh, yeah This was a quality drop. I wasn't blown away or really entertained by it to be honest...BUT...I did feel it! You were able to bring your thoughts and doubts to life in a way that resonated with me and I was able to relate to it. The layout was a bit simple, but still effective enough, because I was able to concentrate on your words without being distracted by over complicated wording or vocabulary. I feel like you said exactly what you wanted to say based on how you felt. Communication is always the main goal and you did that quite well. It could use some metas or wordplay or multis to make it more vibrant and entertaining. But, for how it read in the moment I respect it nonetheless. Thanks for the read. Peace.

Hartigan Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 07 February 2016 Location: Ireland Status: Offline Points: 14	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hartigan Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 February 2016 at 8:15pm
	I'm liking it. Would love to hear this over a heavy grime beat.