Open Mic: Just 4 The Sake Of Nonsense |
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Mikey425
Newbie Joined: 07 January 2016 Location: Evt-City Status: Offline Points: 227 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-3-1 Form: LLLNW |
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Posted: 03 March 2016 at 8:35pm |
I don't give a fuck what you think you see
Not a single one of you bastards are gonna surpass me Bet you thought you'd never ever see my ass again But I'm back and now I'm twice as whacky as Eminem "So where the fucks Kim?" I wanna stick my tongue in that ass, eat her snatch Forgot the condom so I hope no more eggs hatch If they do I'll perform the fucking abortion myself Hell y the fuck not, shit, doesn't everyone else? "No?" oh well, then I guess it really is just me Is it still gay to fuck a guy if he acts like a pussy Is it wrong to think of your girlfriends stepmom when your both in bed As your Cumming with both hands on the back of her head. "Well is it?" I'll Fucking Shoot her in the cooter, then I'll kiss her cheek You know the same one that I slap every time she speaks I like freaky sluts with guns, and crazy cunts with razor blades Those are the best fucks, and they don't even have to get paid They just require a shit load of meth X, booze, and bud Occasionally maybe even a lil bit o blood, why not. And So what if these bitches are known to have AIDS At least you don't have to buy any of these dumb cunts a fucking Escalade HEY!!!!!! (Hook 2X) Well I'm back mother fuckers and I'm me Crazier then ever I'm straight looney And if I say something that crosses the line Would you like a block of cheese to go with your wine I'm back and I'm wacko, I must be smoking crack oh Or maybe I'm just lickin the ass crack of some crack hoe On a back hoe, And somebodies playing White Walls As far as I'm concerned. Mr macklefaggot Can suck on both a my balls. And fuck going thrift shopping I much rather be rift dropping Running my big fat mouth with out any sign of stopping What's Popping You ya lil bitch, if you keep yippity yapping First it's your neck I'll be snapping Your girls football field size of an ass I'll be slapping. Hey. Hey Fuck you bitch why don't you Hey this Since you like the way my dick taste like piss |
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Storm $hadow
Groupie Joined: 25 July 2015 Location: Abuja Status: Offline Points: 329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
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LOL.. The title was funny.. And really disappointing; You're coming up, right? You need feeds, right? Do you think a thread with a topic like this will catch the interest of the members? Next time, you should come up with a better topic, not something like this.. Even if it's a nursery poem, you don't use your own hand to spoilt your own work.
Coming down to the work, you should work on keeping your syllables count at pace(the same or almost) as this would aid in the flow aspect.. Secondly, your inconsistency with rhymes: you should work on that aspect also.. Your wordings- now, just because you're somewhat new or a novice in writing and don't know much vocalbularies to put into your piece does not mean you can't use the ones you know in a very good way(i suggest you read this guy work to see how it's done 'Exodus'.. He's highly skilled and what interest me most about his piece is how he uses basic words to create a fire-flow).. And lastly, try picking a better concept to rap about next time, it will make your work more better especially when the topic deal with facts, about yourself, something touching, etc!.. This wasn't bad but not good either.. Work on your writing, bro! |
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Celph Taut
Newbie Joined: 30 January 2016 Status: Offline Points: 18 |
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Gotta agree here. ^^^
Such a title will have people skipping it over and looking for the next thread. This piece leaves quite a bit to the imagination. It's evident not much thought was put into it, and it's more befitting for an audio piece, than a stand alone one. Cause then at least you have your delivery driving the work from its simplicity. Other than that, it's structured well. Wasn't really feeling the content/subject matter, but that goes back to my previous observation. It's eh for a fuck around piece. Keep at it!
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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maybe im just different..but I liked this.
it had a solid direction, was some straight out the loonie bin shit. I pictured Mikey all hemmed up in a straight jacket with a spitguard trying to kick his legs free. I felt it delivered really venom filled. the shock value was certaintly present. the stepmom shit in particular. you stayed over the top the whole time which seemed like the approach. I dont mind these crazy shits. keep going bananas bro. |
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#Bananas
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TittySucker
Banned Joined: 13 December 2015 Status: Offline Points: 39 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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i like this kind of shit too, even if it don't make sense. But this sucks cock because you have no multi's, anything without multi's is considered wack to me, unless your from the 80's or it has some dope ass punchlines to make up for it.
my feedback: get some multis or fuckoff
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Mikey425
Newbie Joined: 07 January 2016 Location: Evt-City Status: Offline Points: 227 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-3-1 Form: LLLNW |
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Thanks for the feed back I'll rewrite it some what. Thanks NEEK.
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