Open Mic: [OM King] Betrayal |
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Scotty32
Site Owner Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10489 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
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Posted: 22 March 2016 at 6:49pm |
Our world was born, from day one transformed to the world we know, by the miracles I performed Discontent with life alone, myself I decide to clone From clay became a drone, in my image man is grown A paradise to call home, hills and valleys free to roam Cared and nurtured, under my protective dome House or feed, given whatever they need I was oblivious to the evil seed, growing like a weed A benevolent being, only gave them one rule! But to think they'd follow? Only made me a fool Satan's awake, manifested as the slithering snake, Despite the heartache, I was forced to forsake Those I supported and raised, created and celebrated Now frustrated by their hatred, as evils infiltrated Paradise vanished and humanities tarnished Cast and banished, my wrath is savage Tricked and deceived, by evil beasts the lies are conceived Mankind’s reality perceived, just an Illusion believed Battlefields drawn with Devils spawn Hope forgone, as Man becomes a pawn Despite eating the forbidden and sidin with the villain The shadows I remain hidden, to save those evil stricken |
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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this was pretty good..ive told you the particulars mostly.
I did think that you had several outs. a plot twist where you wrote this as Scotty_32 and the heathens you spoke of are the worthless scum that is your user base. at the same time tho...you did the picture justice. a couple hiccups in the flow but it certaintly got better as it progressed, where typically people hit a certain peak and either rush the piece or plummet heavily..this built nice. keep up the good work fella and God bless. |
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#Bananas
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Jet Swade
Groupie Joined: 23 March 2016 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 75 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-0 Form: WLL |
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I really enjoy how this is sculpted as it draws a picture life /creation/ possibly birth and demise. This was my favorite line really dope wording Mankind’s reality perceived, just an Illusion believed Battlefields drawn with Devils spawn Hope forgone, as Man becomes a pawn
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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This is the best open mic LA has ever recorded Scotty. You are the master. i pray towards the North East every night because you are the holy one... the creator. Ok, enough with the ass kissing and let me break this down brothaman.
Nice topical piece here. This verse moved right along at a rather fast piece. I think its because of the simplicity (which isnt a bad thing). Your wording his really concise and nice as is your vocabulary here. I also liked the way this Satan asshole tried fucking you over and your like nah you dont, im just hiding in the background ready to sucker punch the fuck outta satan and his pawns. Thats dope shit right there. Overall i think this was a pretty nice piece Scoots. Like i have said numerous times. Keep writing you assnugget. Good work |
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