Open Mic: Dreamstates.. (Endeavor and Crimson)

Thank you for reading and leaving feed Epsilon/Sammy,you know i'm good for returning the favour, and Epsilon,
i'll get round to your drop soon...peace.

great collab guys.

This collaboration was next level. I really respect how you were able to keep such a strong theme throughout the whole piece, each verse addressed the same idea in a unique way but still completely on point.

Endeavor, your word choice was pretty epic in my book. The first half part kept a strong and cohesive biblical theme without explicitly addressing it which was really cool. The imagery was solid. It was clear where the dream broke down into something dark but you embraced it. I liked the Alice in Wonderland reference, set the stage for the rest of the verse really well.

"And at the end… At the end of the rabbit hole you’ll find damaged souls
Shattered hope, a deck of cards with ill manners, broke and trampled foes
You’re past the point of no return, I’ll grab, hold and devour your sanity
Welcome in a realm of power and savagery, I’m a revenant, A magic beast
and waking up is the only way to battle me,"

This was my favorite section. The build up was killer, smooth finish.

Crimson, yours read like a paranoid king in a realm of constant torture. The first couplet did a killer job at setting the stage, I saw a drained king sunken in a cold throne in a dark, empty throne room with the sounds of chaos swirling around him. As he stepped off the throne it seemed like he was being consumed by the chaos he allowed to exist. Wicked imagery.
The double narration is rad here. It brought on the feeling of a really intense, semi-lucid dream where shit feels too real. It got my heart pumping a bit.

"my heart beats like a metronome,the fear is felt deep down to my marrowbone,
I'm now in a deep state of REM sleep,still continuing forward to the light I creep,
The creak of a wooden floor under my feet,alerts me I'm not being to discreet,
My pillows wet from the sweat I secrete,my forehead like a child in pain weeps,
I want to wake up from this realm of conceit,or find a corner or make a retreat,"

This is my favorite part. This is where it gets real for me. I love your word choice in this transition, clever and smooth.

Alone these pieces are awesome, they suck you in. Together they emphasize the theme and I think that magnifies the story. Greater than the sum of its parts. I could be way off on my interpretations, if you had a different vision when you were writing i'd be interested in hearing about it.
Overall, In my humble newb opinion, this was badass.

Edited by ΔE(t) - 16 December 2018 at 10:31am

Thanks Puente. I write most of my stuff at work too so I see where you're coming from. Just try to envision a certain scenery, emotion, atmosphere or whatever it is and try to describe it.

Endeeezeeeey fo sheezy:


And thus the heavens parted… The departure made me feel nauseous
My thoughts, awestruck – A retarded drool flows into a pond which
Has been formed by auspice, the cause is the arrival of my conscience
A landscape flawless filled with fairytales, gossip and flowers that are gorgeous
I’m possessed with Gnostics, this dreamstate will help me achieve nirvana!

this is an excellent section, you know.. im a big fan of word placement and being subtle, yet slick.. the 'retarded drool' was dope as fuck to me. especially considering im retarded and drool on myself a good bit, I caught this shit like a fireman catches a baby from a burning building. well done sir

Weird holes in my hands made me lose my jewels – Stigmata!
Torn between faith, reality and fiction, mind is twisted , Lewis Carroll on a visit

sometimes, you just gotta stunt and brush a shoulder or two.

The Cheshire Cat’s vision doing his damn best to make sure Alice keeps listening
So let’s Say Ma is good natured but at the same time attracted to schemes
My mischievous grin and her abstract dreams make everything possible-
-As long as you can keep imagining – So when darkness looms, I asked for it
When the hue shifted, she demanded it – Passion is where the Crimson cavern is

I got the early bird special on this shit, but even reading now, I find little bits that make me smirk. ladies and gentlemen, Endeeze got his red wings. passion is where the Crimson Cavern is huh? you ate that shit like a bowl of cherry pie. I aint mad tho you fucking sick bastard, kidding of course. this section is very intriguing. hashtag offsite personals.

Follow the golden lanterns friend and beware the snakes the halls are scattered with
And at the end… At the end of the rabbit hole you’ll find damaged souls
Shattered hope, a deck of cards with ill manners, broke and trampled foes

yeesh, my man use his third language like steph curry uses a basketball. this was nice bro.

You’re past the point of no return, I’ll grab, hold and devour your sanity
Welcome in a realm of power and savagery, I’m a revenant, A magic beast
and waking up is the only way to battle me,

left em with the house of pain sin. pack it up pack it in let endeeze begin.. he came to win… bruh.


Crimson..


my thoughts are monotone,constant no respite I heave under their groans,
tormented in my world alone,in need of a queen to share this weary thrown,
sleep comes another realm a new zone,horrid acts play out I want to postpone,
sitting at a spining wheel just in skin and bone,sword in my hand I just honed,

pretty descriptive out of the gate, I dont fully catch some of your breaks. for example. is it sleep comes, another realm, a new zone.. or sleep comes, another realm a new zone.. im missing the bounce, but maybe there is none. but lyrically, I like this. kind of reminds me of the movie 13th warrior, when they come to rescue the king who Bulvie or whatever was fucking his daughter, thats the image I see. so if thats what you wanted to paint.. you did so well sir.

the undertones of the what's known,I feel cold stone in this realm i own,
I hear loud shrieks and moans,constant it's like a Banshee with a megaphone,
heightened senses I must stay prone,and cast out this fear for the unknown,
through the dark and confusion I roam,exploring with my finger tips I comb,

this was also nice. very descriptive. you went through the emotions and actions with a great bit of care. you are really getting there Crim, its mad nice to see.


twisted thoughts and fear I condone,I feel the hollow-ness like a honeycomb,
I continue forward and roam,a spec of light in the distance the way is shown,
my heart beats like a metronome,the fear is felt deep down to my marrowbone,

like this.. alot of people 'rhyme' for the sake of it. everything you are doing is purposeful, and feels intentional. im really like this. that last line is some bravo shit.

I'm now in a deep state of REM sleep,still continuing forward to the light I creep,
The creak of a wooden floor under my feet,alerts me I'm not being to discreet,
My pillows wet from the sweat I secrete,my forehead like a child in pain weeps,
I want to wake up from this realm of conceit,or find a corner or make a retreat,
I can see I resemble linen i'm white as a sheet,or freshly fallen snow or sleet,
The groans now loud continue I try to remain up beat,fear from my core seeps,
I feel I'm the next in the offering of meat,or the next victim to become obsolete,
I get a taste in my mouth it's bittersweet,a shadow engulfs me of a dark deceit,
The darkness clears I see myself in a heap,body smashed like cracked wheat,
Like sheep I cry out and bleet,then jump to life and find myself in a hotel suite,

hahah.. holy shit man!! what a god damn twist. I really expected dude to be dead and was leaving his body, but this motherfucker fell asleep watching god damn Kingdom Of Heaven lol. man, that was good man. the lead up was so dope I didnt want to stop and then bam.. nothing I expected. well played bro. glad I took my time to get to this one, it was really worth it. great work guys. youre both heroes for sharing.

"As long as you can keep imagining – So when darkness looms, I asked for it
When the hue shifted, she demanded it – Passion is where the Crimson cavern is
Follow the golden lanterns friend and beware the snakes the halls are scattered with
And at the end… At the end of the rabbit hole you’ll find damaged souls
Shattered hope, a deck of cards with ill manners, broke and trampled foes"

Thank you Exo for taking time to reading and feeding our drops,
good looks on that,I agree Endeavor piece was complex and layerd
well,plus he's tempo was ripe..peace.

Thanks for the feed, Self. Get more active !

This piece reminds me a lot of the Cheshire Dreams verse I dropped a few months back. Man, I wish I had saved that piece now and added to what you two have here. Damn. But anyway...

Endeavor

And thus the heavens parted… The departure made me feel nauseous

I love pieces that open like a continuation of a story that's already in process. No build up, no wait time. Just BOOM! Straight to the good stuff. I dig it!

My thoughts, awestruck – A retarded drool flows into a pond which Has been formed by auspice, the cause is the arrival of my conscience A landscape flawless filled with fairytales, gossip and flowers that are gorgeous I’m possessed with Gnostics, this dreamstate will help me achieve nirvana! Weird holes in my hands made me lose my jewels – Stigmata!

^I like how the scheme is as trippy as the content. I also like the imagery. You paint a very psychedelic picture and the experience comes across authentic. It's whimsical but insightful. Most impressively I'm not just reading the story -- I'm in it!

Torn between faith, reality and fiction, mind is twisted , Lewis Carroll on a visit The Cheshire Cat’s vision doing his damn best to make sure Alice keeps listening So let’s Say Ma is good natured but at the same time attracted to schemes My mischievous grin and her abstract dreams make everything possible- -As long as you can keep imagining – So when darkness looms, I asked for it When the hue shifted, she demanded it – Passion is where the Crimson cavern is

^Abstract and wildly imaginative. You two seem like the crafters of worlds here. One creates matter the other manipulates it and gives it form like abstract personification of imagination and manifestation. Perhaps not your intentions by design when you wrote this, but definitely what comes to mind as I read it. On the surface it seems playful and vibrate but upon close examination and meditation it comes across very layered and complex. Just how deep does the rabbit hole go? Hmmm...

Follow the golden lanterns friend and beware the snakes the halls are scattered with

^The wording is top notch.

And at the end… At the end of the rabbit hole you’ll find damaged souls Shattered hope, a deck of cards with ill manners, broke and trampled foes You’re past the point of no return, I’ll grab, hold and devour your sanity Welcome in a realm of power and savagery, I’m a revenant, A magic beast and waking up is the only way to battle me

^Hmmm are we talking wakefulness here? Enlightenment? Breaking free of the chains that are mental slavery and casting the illusions of false reality aside in order to liberate ourselves from our own ego, insecurities, and fears? Shifting the paradigm and entering the real world with eyes wide open? I have no idea why I'm putting question marks on everything I'm saying...but in any case interesting stuff E. My mind is spinning like a globe. Also, great skill and display of technique throughout. Thoroughly enjoyed.


Crimson

my thoughts are monotone,constant no respite I heave under their groans, tormented in my world alone,in need of a queen to share this weary thrown,

^Crim, I like this. Nice and subtle beginning. Not over the top, but well expressed and poetic.

sleep comes another realm a new zone,horrid acts play out I want to postpone, sitting at a spining wheel just in skin and bone,sword in my hand I just honed, the undertones of the what's known,I feel cold stone in this realm i own,

^Hmmm...I'm trying to decipher this. Are we talking destiny here as indicated by the spinning wheel and the line "what is known"? If so interesting persepective. Also, does "skin and bone" represent mortality? Likewise, does the sword represent conflict, struggle, or the strive that is life? Maybe I'm digging too deep and metaphorical, but that's my interpetation. I dig it!

I hear loud shrieks and moans,constant it's like a Banshee with a megaphone, heightened senses I must stay prone,and cast out this fear for the unknown, through the dark and confusion I roam,exploring with my finger tips I comb, twisted thoughts and fear I condone,I feel the hollow-ness like a honeycomb,

^I like the tone and the diction here. Its very clean and clear. The way you wrote this allows the reader to go on the journey with you. I kind of feel like a scribe writing down the events as they unfold throughout this twisted land of mystery. Also, the wording in that last line was great dude.

I continue forward and roam,a spec of light in the distance the way is shown, my heart beats like a metronome,the fear is felt deep down to my marrowbone, I'm now in a deep state of REM sleep,still continuing forward to the light I creep, The creak of a wooden floor under my feet,alerts me I'm not being to discreet, My pillows wet from the sweat I secrete,my forehead like a child in pain weeps, I want to wake up from this realm of conceit,or find a corner or make a retreat, I can see I resemble linen i'm white as a sheet,or freshly fallen snow or sleet, The groans now loud continue I try to remain up beat,fear from my core seeps, I feel I'm the next in the offering of meat,or the next victim to become obsolete,

First and foremost I'd just like to bring attention to just how insane the imagery was here. You took us on a ride bud. From guiding us through the dream state to, describing intricate details told from the perspective of a soul that has astral projected out of its own body and is in a lucid state of awareness, yet is unable to wake up in the physical sense. Fuckin' dope Crim. Truly.

I get a taste in my mouth it's bittersweet,a shadow engulfs me of a dark deceit,[Quote] ^...and that was dope as well! [Quote]The darkness clears I see myself in a heap,body smashed like cracked wheat, Like sheep I cry out and bleet,then jump to life and find myself in a hotel suite,

^Solid closer!

Overall your verse was just as complex and layered as E's. And like E you expressed your thoughts well all while displaying stellar technical ability. Great job my dude.

You guys killed this shit.

Peace...


Edited by SELF ACTIVATE - 20 June 2016 at 6:23pm

Sorry Endeavor I just seen this from you..


"Could you elaborate on the condone bit? It felt out of place unless you got a certain meaning behind it. I'm unable to catch it. I loved the spec of light line!"

Well the bar prior this I have heightened sense via fear,and as much
as I hate the feeling,I condone it because it's helping to keep my
wits about me,thus helping to go forward to the light in the next bar,
encouragement via a double edge sword if you like,I hope that helps..

@ Slip thanks bro,good looks on the feed..peace.