Open Mic: Bag Practice

Thanks man. Yeah I definitely did struggle to balance substance/flow a little more in the second verse. Tried a few different angles with that one.

I piece together a key, time to get your weight up
Knock two pin heads down at once, sucker you get 'ate up'
Yeah, my flow's sick, many years it took to mold it
Ain't even on the food chain I'm the hook that holds it

wasnt over the moon on the bowling reference. but those last two bars tho? homie..that was pretty fresh.

Still the Punchline King? Yeah.. That is the truth
I'm going back to my roots like there's a crack in my tooth
Spittin the scariest rhymes from a precarious mind
That's been through various delirious times
Prepare for this ride...

sick ass rhyme scheme. loved this section.

I'm ready to eat, you feel like startin a beef?
Cause I'm hungry for a win and I've just sharpened my teeth
I'm sinking spirits, get your crew and send em to fight
Like Ronda's man I get rowdy at the end of the night
Putting holes in a punchbag like Foreman in his prime
Pure unfiltered aggression, I'ma floor em with a 'line'
Got you under the thumb, I ain't your wife but hey
When I get you in the 'ring' you've fuckin signed your life away

overall, the way you carried this theme was nice. the hook that holds it. the boxing references tied in with 'punch' line king. you had some slick stuff in here. I didnt like the sharpened my teeth line tho, esp after some of the schemes you employed. enjoyable as fuck to read tho. thanks for sharing your scribbles.

Goryo. wrote: I piece together a key, time to get your weight up Knock two pin heads down at once, sucker you get 'ate up'

I had to google how many bowling balls were in a rack.
(10 total, knock 2 down, 8 up) okay, I get it now.

I see ate up/weight up, being associated in a sense but I believe this mistakingly is two punchlines,
stuck in one. They both seem to need their own set-up bar. They just don't seem to be completely  relevantly fittting. For instance: "sucker you get ate up" should probably be associated with the homophone "bowl". As in: a bowl to eat, and to bowl; the sport. Using that concept seems more suitable for the set-up bar. Nevertheless, I like how you are experimenting with wordplay here.
Wordplay punchlines make for the more interesting pieces.

Goryo. wrote: Yeah, my flow's sick, many years it took to mold it Ain't even on the food chain I'm the hook that holds it

This was executed quite nicely. I have no bad critique on the conceptual side of things.
It was worded well. The multi-syllable rhyme was on point. Nice job.

Goryo. wrote: Still the Punchline King? Yeah.. That is the truth I'm going back to my roots like there's a crack in my tooth

This punchline wasn't a bad concept completely, but I feel it was either maybe; too basic, or not completely thought out. Essentially, this could be as simple as saying: I'm going back to my roots like I'm diggin up my family tree. Which may work, with a great and relevant set-up line, which also, in my opinion, this bar here lacks. But first, still momentarily focusing on the punchline, when I say "not completely thought out", I mean; it's missing a noun such as "pain". For Ex. Pain's going back to my roots like there's a crack in my tooth. I'm not sure how you would choose to associate something like that with what you are trying to here, but I'm just giving an example of how your punchline is not making complete literal sense as is. Lastly, the set-up line and the punchline do not seem to be completely relevant. Good job on the imutli-rhyme scheme though. Nice internals there as well.

I loved the flow of this piece,effortless to read also,plus I
thought your contents Overal was decent too,i was feeling this
drop here,i thought the punchline line was nice also,good work
enjoyed the read...peace.

There's not much more to add than what the ones before me told me. But I've been looking into that "crack in the tooth" punchline. I couldn't find anything that's the same in the way you used it. So a creative approach I must say, because others... Well, not so creative.