Open Mic: Perceptions Perceived [KOTM]

hm, why is this not getting any feed? this was a very solid showing.

thanks guys, I appreciate the feedback. the picture was very inspiring, normally don't write verses to pictures but I enjoyed this go.

That was a great review, thank you very much!

End rhymes were dope as fuck so the flow was seamless to me
Sometimes shit is just about preference and all people dig different things, clever in end rhymes are def one of my favourite tools and more realistic less cryptic wording also works for me
You had that all going on, the read was easy
If I had to give advice from a non condescending stand point, I would say thinking on trying to create Clever connections thru wordplay would strengthen game

"there's an inner peace between the seems,/but none the less im split between the seams,/
happiness in fields of dreams,/
Malfeasance and evil deeds,/"

This was a great opening quatrain. Loved how you perfectly described the image of finding peace between madness and happiness.

"in recent weeks ive felt at ease,/
nestled betwixt the leaves of trees,/
wrestling with the darkness ive seen,/
raised amidst a city of thieves,/"

Solid flow and rhyming here. I also like the content of struggling with darkness,but finding your comfort zone despite of it.

"where cutting throats is merely a means,/
sins to survive, im guilty of these,/
behind the scenes what does this really achieve?/
life is precious and you need to believe,/"

Once again the content is great and the flow is executed well. I like how your words paint an image of a people doing anything to survive and stay alive.

"if there's leafless trees, we're unable to breathe,/
so switch this please and bring on the peaks,/
if people are hungry give something to eat,/
next time there's beef, share a piece of the cheese,/"

Solid content here as well. I Also love the message about helping one of another and the line about beef and cheese was cool.

"trust me my peeps, ive done studies,/
outcomes depend on perceptions perceived./"

This was a decent closer. The only flaw I could see is that the end word on the second to last bar doesn't rhyme with the next bar's last word. I think it would have flowed better if you said,"Trust me peeps,I've studied the leaves,/
Outcomes depend on perceptions perceived,/"
Lastly,this was a good entry that did a solid job of describing what the image depicted.



I have only seen very few verses from you, so I'm glad I read this one. The content was impressive.
With the risk of repeating what's been said already, I thoroughly enjoyed the approach you took. It was definitely different as it had a strong, underlying sense of hope and positive prospects which really set this apart. The middle segment was, personally, a highlight. The schemes and very clear rhymes you used made for a smooth read throughout. It would've been interesting to see you expanding the narrative with some more details, an incorporation of a character for example, as Sammy already mentioned. An enjoyable read overall. And I also learned a new word, so thanks for sharing.