1-2 Punch League: [1-2] Crimson Juice vs Concrete [wk15] |
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Lord Puente 
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Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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 Topic: [1-2] Crimson Juice vs Concrete [wk15]Posted: 06 December 2016 at 3:18am |
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due Fridday
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator 
Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Posted: 09 December 2016 at 7:22am |
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like Concrete,Con's brain is Mixed Up And Set Permanently on losing glamour,
giving away title belts,i'll Break He's Mind Set Up like my alias is Jack-Hammer, |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Concrete
Standard Member 
Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 09 December 2016 at 11:00am |
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they put him on the Street Team.. cos he sucks dick until it hurts his knees
I would pull the trigger out of mercy.. but this Juice ain't worth the squeeze
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X-centrik
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Joined: 27 May 2014 Location: mumbai Status: Offline Points: 209 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-9-0 Form: LWWLWL |
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Posted: 09 December 2016 at 4:11pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Crimson - The set up line is pretty nice ...leaves u expecting something good out of the punch ..but the next line ..which is supposed to be the impactful one has a weak concept and is poorly worded. Concrete - A different approach ...the set up makes it sound like a sex related punch ...but it turns into a pretty clever gun bar real quick . Good shit . Mvgt - concrete |
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Kiki Spirez
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Joined: 30 December 2008 Location: Chesterfield Status: Offline Points: 4374 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 68-26-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 09 December 2016 at 11:56pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Good battle. Crim- liked the concept, but it was worded a bit awkward. Seemed a Mix of good ideas and the need to fit Multis, and some comprimised the power of others. Think the bar couldve been more focused. But thats me being harshness, it was a nice bar. Con- simple and direct, with a very smooth name play. My criticism would be that it couldve been more complex. But on the other hand, i guess it was your lack of wordiness that let you avoid the comprimises that Crim got caught up in. Mvgt Con for the better worded bar. |
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SiQ
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Joined: 03 November 2016 Status: Offline Points: 44 |
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Posted: 10 December 2016 at 1:06am |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Ju- wasnt feelin ur bar at all bro im srry Con- played concept/nameplay but enough 2 win bro V- con |
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Lord Puente
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Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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Posted: 11 December 2016 at 2:28am |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. cj, I like the concept your were going with but I didn't care for its execution. didn't feel like a ahrd punch just some decent lines for an om. con, I liked your bar a lot. the concept was dope and it was executed very nicely. mvgt concrete
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Ridley Squat
Street Team 
Joined: 20 November 2015 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 830 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-6-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 11 December 2016 at 7:01pm |
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CJ:
Pros: What I liked about this was you avoided the whole played out area of con prefixes, and went instead for the word concrete itself. Still played out, but whatcha gonna do. I thought the concept was nicely executed with the various elements: Concrete + Mixed Up + Set Permanently + Break ... Up + Jackhammer. Good shit. But speaking of Cons. Cons: Again ... cos of the syllable stress, you needed to rhyme Jackhammer, not just hammer, cos that makes it scan wierd. Could be reworked around 'lack glamour' or preferably something else as I wasn't a fan of that word choice. Also, here's where I out myself as a Grammar Nazi ... you put "he's" instead of "his" ... not the first time I've seen that and it really does negatively impact the overall read for me. True story. Con: First off gotta address this anti-Street-Team racism, you don't know bout that life, rating posts and whatnot ... besides they supply knee-pads so shows what you know bitch! But OK, I guess that's a personal, plus the nameflip in the punch was crisp enough to raise it above standard and played, to decent but not your best. So for the reasons I have eloquently stated ... MFVGT Concrete ... bitch. |
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Goryo.
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Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
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Posted: 12 December 2016 at 11:32am |
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CJ: Like others mentioned I liked the tie ins and it was a really creative punch. I wasn't a fan of the 'losing glamour' it seemed like it was randomly thrown in there to make a rhyme. I know it sort of fits with him losing titles but it was weird alongside all the concrete references lol. Still though an original take on the 'concrete' plays so I can't complain about that. The final execution could've been a bit harder but I also saw how it fit. Con: This is one of your best bars I think. A lot of good elements like how you pity him for being a 'whore' and then the play on his name. It all fit together nicely and it was clear with no confusing parts. Can't complain. Good battle guys. Vote - Concrete
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S Dubb
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Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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Posted: 12 December 2016 at 4:30pm |
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This was a pretty poor battle.... i dont think either of you came as solid as you could have, but let me brake this down a little....
Crimson- Your set up was good, but i dont know if it was how you worded it or what but the punch missed completely.... this was a poor bar homie.... you were trying to force multies and looked like you focused more on that then producing a decent punchline.... i have seen better from you and maybe that is why i expected more from you, but i didn't enjoy this bar at all, better luck next week...... concrete- This bar wasn't nothing spectacular but was enough to pull off the victory..... the nameplay wss basic, played, but was an attempt and a punch.... it may not have hit hard but it was a punch never the less.... ext week just try to be more creative... Vote- Concrete |
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