Open Mic: supercali [WD7] |
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Posted: 18 December 2016 at 2:42am |
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the mind moves in blazing speed. the greying creeps
innocence was the language of the young, now we speak Depravity grip with sharp grading teeth abrasion like a tourniquet fractured psyche painting pulchritude with alluring scripts my supercalifragilistic is but another onomatopoeia on my way to see ya. but a mirage obstruct the seer
with pitiful placard. set to detonate hard on dumb nonbeliever but i was taken by the sanguine sound of a siren in heat i like my woman old and volumptuous on my bed are relics of whales silver lining my sheets |
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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hey sammy
i love that you use these intricately placed unique word choices to punctuate the lines. in fact, just realized that this is your word association piece. I was going to comment on the length, but im glad i stopped because it makes more sense now lol . . anyway 'grip the sharp grading teeth abrasion like a tourniquet' man. . loads of imagery packed in here. . . you worked some magic with those words job well done
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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This was quite impressive considering the relevance of each word you employed here. I love the balance 'between' the word placements, there's a profound meaning and direct elaboration in the very same lines, like the 'onomatopoeia' one. The 'tourniquet' imagery is very original, too. The last line is nicely poetic, I appreciate the association with the 'silver lining' bit. Schemes were immaculate per usual. Thanks for sharing.
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S Dubb
Groupie Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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This was a pretty good short little verse.... The layout and feel of this piece gives me a good vibe..... Your flow was back and forth, it would be great for a few lines then shake a little through a couple..... Your vocabulary and choice of words were great and you placed them nicely into your verse..... Keep posting verses homie, it's always interesting reading your drops..... Good work homie
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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^Flawless execution and wording; as well as flow. Great opener.
^You're a wiz with the poetic lingo. I love how your words create little flashes of images that swiftly fade away just as soon as they come.
^How so?
^"Sanguine sound" ... now that is intriguing. I don't even want to know what you meant by that. I would much rather mediate on it and discover my own interpretation. I do like that phrase tho.
A pimp and a poet. lol. Dope read ... as usual. Peace... |
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-Que-
Standard Member Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
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the mind moves in blazing speed. the greying creeps
innocence was the language of the young, now we speak Depravity grip with sharp grading teeth abrasion like a tourniquet fractured psyche painting pulchritude with alluring scripts ^^^ This set put me in the "Midevil Resonance-ish type mindset. I felt you goin in and taking advantage of the softer version of the words. Excellent. Execution was on point. my supercalifragilistic is but another onomatopoeia<---lol , nice break yup and defining the word drop word. on my way to see ya. but a mirage obstruct the seer ^^ Probably one of my most loved lines. Its the simplicity ,yet it says a lot. Plus the play on see yah and seer. Nice. with pitiful placard. set to detonate hard on dumb nonbeliever but i was taken by the sanguine sound of a siren in heat i like my woman old and volumptuous on my bed are relics of whales silver lining my sheets lol...cool ...Nice Drop Sam!!!
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