Open Mic: Militant Mind [WD7] |
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iLL ScriptureZ 
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Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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 Topic: Militant Mind [WD7]Posted: 19 December 2016 at 8:08pm |
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Tourniquet on my arm from the bombs you detonate Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate The depravity I consume, the savagery is a tomb Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean The wails that are hoping float like gravity on the moon Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot Onomatopoeia's mirage can paint a picture with pop Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do
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Crimson Juice
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Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Posted: 19 December 2016 at 8:32pm |
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Nice and pacey this,I liked the use of the key words here,had a couple of nice concepts
when gelling two or more k/words together on one line,also the flip on the word whale was a good touch,your word choices were also nice on the whole good vocab mixed with ripe contents,plus the majority of this verse was a highlight too so win win there, all in all a strong entry and solid read.. "Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate The depravity I consume, the savagery is a tomb Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean The wails that are hoping float like gravity on the moon" "Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do" ^^RIPE..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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SELF ACTIVATE
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Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 20 December 2016 at 2:30pm |
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"Tourniquet on my arm from the bombs you detonate
Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate" ^Everything fit, made sense, and was nicely worded. Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean ^Not only is this dope, but it also creates a really majestic image of massive mammals moving fluently through the deep blue sea. Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot Onomatopoeia's mirage can paint a picture with pop ^Dope! And perfect execution of the word. Also, the subtle play on "pop art" and the double entendre you cloaked it in was a nice little gem. Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do ^Hmmm... I wonder if the shot/pop part in the previous lines tie into this section ... perhaps denoting a billet wound? Regardless, this was a stellar closer. Another dope verse to add to the collection, iLL. Peace... |
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iLL ScriptureZ
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Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 20 December 2016 at 2:56pm |
Yo i aint even peep that...  ... fucking genius lmao...Thats Crim and Self for feed!
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SELF ACTIVATE
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Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 20 December 2016 at 3:17pm |
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LOL
That's what I love about posting online. Sometimes people see stuff in your work you weren't even aware of when you wrote. I feel sometimes that's because the words are coming from another place and the writer is just a vessel used to express their intent (does that make sense lol). |
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SELF ACTIVATE
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Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 20 December 2016 at 3:18pm |
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LOL
That's what I love about posting online. Sometimes people see stuff in your work you weren't even aware of when you wrote. I feel sometimes that's because the words are coming from another place and the writer is just a vessel used to express their intent. Does that make sense? lol. |
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rhetorical
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Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:26pm |
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this was dope man. great way to utilize the challenge words here. i havent seen every wd verse, but so from the onces that i have thumbed through, this is one of the better executions for sure. your highlight to me was the onomatopeia line and the first two lines made for a great opener. . nice work here for sure
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daydizzle89
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Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:49pm |
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Ok, you used 4 of the words in the first two bars....
Dope. Liking the use of placard and relic segment. Nice Heavy souls swim weightless.... god damn i like that right there. Dope The ending was dope. Great use of the words. This is another nice little gem from WD7. Liking the vivid descriptions here. It was nicely written and the multis nice. Flow consistant and over i am digging the theme you have got here. The war/soldier theme fit these words well. |
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Cuba
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Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:51pm |
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I liked the use of imagery to incorporate the words...allowed you to rattle through a load of em in a short space of time & it not come across forced at all. Both in simile and metaphor form. Real nice.
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HI-Z
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Joined: 27 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 196 Crew: Alter Egos |
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Posted: 22 December 2016 at 8:30am |
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This is one of the best WD7 entries I've read as of yet. The concept was clear and percise, your use of the 10 given words was flawless. I'm not about to pick this apart, that would be an injutice. From the first line to the last You out shined every one. I think this has gotta be the winning submission right here. Unless someone comes along and steals your victory over night. I say that with no disrespect to the other contenders myself included lol. Great job and I think it's pretty safe to say congratulations. Catch ya later bro
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Beans
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Joined: 12 October 2013 Location: MA Status: Offline Points: 6718 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 95-24-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 22 December 2016 at 3:20pm |
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This is dope
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1-2 Season 1 Final Champ
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iLL ScriptureZ
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Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 22 December 2016 at 4:44pm |
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Appreciate it everyone
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-Que-
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Posted: 02 January 2017 at 5:22am |
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Tourniquet on my arm from the bombs you detonate Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate ^^Flow on point most Def!! The depravity I consume, the savagery is a tomb ^^ Ha Ha!! I used the same two words ...How cool is that! Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean The wails that are hoping float like gravity on the moon Wail/Whale dope Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot Onomatopoeia's mirage can paint a picture with pop ^^Sounds like some cool street shit bro Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude ^^ My favorite line ...just solid word usage Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do Good shit ILL
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Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot