Open Mic: Slaying Warmongers |
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daydizzle89 
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Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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 Topic: Slaying WarmongersPosted: 18 January 2017 at 7:58pm |
 My foundation isnt set in stone like Concrete might think Like Masonic prophecies, I defy the parties righteously Persuasive undertones making me sick, "You must decide Dizz" got my mind dying, This great nation is divided in tyranny eyelids wide open, These wars are to incite anxiety The right wing policies set up wars on social rivalry's Moral piracy, A forum of laws locking me up for buying some weed Global war on dope and those who support it is a dying breed The RNC forcing governmental crimes of hypocrisy I defiantly get high in the peace and comfort of my home Light a bowl while im on my throne till my eyes close I got high hopes but im in the FBI's scopes Attack my the freedom of mind, its time to uprise like Cairo I'll control my own morality and mental capacity Judaeo-Christian laws keeping us from blasphemy? The war on Terror? Its essential to blast the Sheikhs The middle east is plentiful with oil so thats the creed "Disassemble Islam wrathfully by any means possible" prisons filled with casualties to top the profits bro Get locked up for selling small amounts of pot and coke Yet the pharmaceutical industry massacre's unstoppable Harming the stupid youth with control is diabolical Got em addicted popping Oxycontin, The war on drugs ironical My mind explodes knowing their spying with code If i call a phone or start typing i know- If i mention Isis or crucify the pope im inviting the FBI to my home The Patriot act Violates my privacy and its unconstitutional "Its in good conscience to use it bro" You fucking stupid foe, you know the government is abusing it though We gave the FEDS an indisputable tool to throw us into the crucible same people who oppose abortion condone the death penalty The heavenly right supports paradoxical felonies chemically induced federal euthanizations and elegies both the judge and the pregnant teen should show some empathy Nothing is separating their weaponry Difference is one is Rich and 70 the other is 17, committing sin cuz of peasantry Both afflicted to kill a heavenly seed with destruction The right winged government is equally mixed in corruption The Manifest Destiny has been hit into a concussion Todays society is an obstruction to the rich having us construct our own dungeons with consumption in the form of mortgages and debt to suck us in... The government has us puppets in a bucket of shit Trump wins and even the Republicans think he's evil Based on that alone makes my vote seem reasonable We the people have spoke, We believe in true freedom nd hope The RNC will backstab him with a hypodermic needle His speeches lethal, bringing heat to a hypodermic Eagle He grabbed America by the Pussy like a pervert beating hoes The media feeling his blows, They were deceitful with polls Even the right wing believed Hillary was unbeatable so i disagree with them both.. I will end this with a treasonous quote  Edited by daydizzle89 - 18 January 2017 at 8:48pm |
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daydizzle89
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Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Posted: 18 January 2017 at 10:42pm |
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"
His speeches lethal, bringing heat to a hypodermic Eagle"
Its supposed to be hypothermic |
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rhetorical
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Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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Posted: 18 January 2017 at 11:22pm |
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on par with everything here man. . i mean. . obviously, i think we are like minded probably on most political views. hate that music reels in so many liberals for whatever reason, and its good to see others stand and throw a finger up to both sides without worrying about the recourse of what liberals might think. . i used to be a quiet non-liberal. never wanted to say anything that would upset the balance, but 8 years of Clinton and Obamaism have pretty much fucked that right out the window lol. . . anyway, im not commenting enough on the verse but it really just breaks off what we addressed in our collaboration. AS much as i enjoy this, i just appreciate the fact that there is someone i relate to on these issues. Good shit fam
Edited by rhetorical - 18 January 2017 at 11:37pm |
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alicewonder
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Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Posted: 18 January 2017 at 11:31pm |
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I thoroughly enjoyed the way you incorporated the quote as the 'intro' segmenf here. The picture was also a nice choice to subtly set the direction. Technical-wise, I guess you already know that you usually have a quite smooth scheme with nice end rhymes. I'd still have liked to see a more thorough emphasis on multis, but you had some nice combinations of internals which made for a rather fluid read overall. So scheme-wise, this is similar to the previous verse you posted. Now, content-wise, it obviously differs from the more aggressive approach. It's still very direct with, again, a strong expression of your point of view. But I think you managed to 'set' a 'personal balance' with this one, with regard to the quote. It was interesting in terms of how you 'touched upon' various references of past circumstances, resulting in current ones. The opening segment was strong both content and scheme-wise. I also really enjoyed the '70/17' bar and the WOD references. Interesting read overall.
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alicewonder
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Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Posted: 19 January 2017 at 1:46am |
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just with regard to Concrete's quote: it would've been more interesting if you actually incorporated the content of the quote (meaning an opposing point of view to your very own one) rather than elaborating further on your previous verse. But that's obviously entirely subjective and just a suggestion. As I can feel that you'd rather like to focus on your perspective, obviously for your very own reasons. And while I only agree on one or two references you had here, (as I'm not too fond of any form of very extreme views), I just appreciate the expression of opinion/platform this art form's providing you with.
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daydizzle89
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Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Posted: 19 January 2017 at 3:05am |
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I went against the right views on everything in here. I must add as an edit that the feed is appreciated. Busy right now so my apologies. Alice, concrete from what i took was to give my views on what is wrong with the GOP. This piece was not just more longer, it was more example orientated. 50 sum lines on the RNC and less on the LIBS shows my lack for a specific ideology. Not an argument. Just so you see that im anti-political. Blame my bad grammer on the WOD
 Edited by daydizzle89 - 19 January 2017 at 3:25am |
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Concrete
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Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 19 January 2017 at 2:34pm |
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Aight props for taking my challenge right on. While politically diametrical this is a lot similar to your last drop in form, straightforward and easy to grasp your message. Funny how most of this is just common sense also, so most if this was tho not suprising but pretty much on-pont with regards to simple logic.
Technically you keep it pretty steady, flowing ok and not overdoing anything to muddle the message. If I where to point out things to help you advance further it would be that you could try shorten your OMs, as it stands it may come off as long rant. You could experiment with lyrical devices to say more with less words. Tho it's not really required, just a tip if you wanna experiment some. Now for a optional bonus challenge: Pointing out what's wrong in politics andeverything in this shitty world is pretty easy, how about some explanations and solutions then? Why can't humans ever create the perfect society? How would you run this motherfucker?
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Sky Scrapur
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Joined: 21 October 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1133 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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Posted: 19 January 2017 at 3:16pm |
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rhetorical
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Posted: 19 January 2017 at 5:17pm |
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just to add on. . . when someone says. . "maybe you can try writing from a leftist point of view" i have several comments to say back to that person . . but to wrap it up, most of leftists ideologies are built on either ignorance of the situation, false data, or plain lies they have formed to fit an agenda. There would be noway for me to articulate the thought process of a leftists because thats how illogical they are to me on issues and policy.
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Concrete
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Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 19 January 2017 at 6:00pm |
I would definately say "maybe you can try writing from a leftist point of view" to challenge the writer to go further. The left is a broad and interesting matter indeed. Today it's easy to associate leftists with useless SJWs, terrorist-apologizers, anti free speech, irrationality, political violence and an extremely unhealthy PC culture. However, historically the left did many good things, least here in Europe: Equal rights, workers rights, heatlh care, fighting religious oppression, freedom of press, etc. They were for the everyday people against the power, funny how things change.
So an interersting topic could be how and why the mainstream left basically sold out their values, from an old leftist viewpoint. |
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Concrete wrote: