Open Mic: Shoreline

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   Waiting to get my new password, will drop on this account until I receive it.

As the pebbles echo'ed, down the gullet of the devils throatMy right arm prepared to throw another beveled stone
The fire cracked with embered coals, and the women sank lemon floats
We drank and sang with tethered throats after banging resin tokes
The beach front was our second home, it spoke to our lesser folk
Our breath was spent in a mess of jokes we loved our present post
Snuggled into our sleeping bags we'd forget of the weathered roads
Drunk on spirits we simply fell into a deep sleep wearing our mess of clothes
The sunrise touched the waters edge, which struck my closed eyelids
Sleeping bag wet with dew as the horizon was plagued with an utmost silence
Water ripples circled the shoreline, the seaweed swayed with current
Shells on display that were put in play by the hermit
We'd lay around in hammocks and make love to the privacy
Drink coconut milk while sitting under papaya trees..

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DresstoKilll Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 18 February 2017 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 3	Post Options Post Reply Quote DresstoKilll Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Shoreline Posted: 20 February 2017 at 3:09am
	Waiting to get my new password, will drop on this account until I receive it. As the pebbles echo'ed, down the gullet of the devils throat My right arm prepared to throw another beveled stone The fire cracked with embered coals, and the women sank lemon floats We drank and sang with tethered throats after banging resin tokes The beach front was our second home, it spoke to our lesser folk Our breath was spent in a mess of jokes we loved our present post Snuggled into our sleeping bags we'd forget of the weathered roads Drunk on spirits we simply fell into a deep sleep wearing our mess of clothes The sunrise touched the waters edge, which struck my closed eyelids Sleeping bag wet with dew as the horizon was plagued with an utmost silence Water ripples circled the shoreline, the seaweed swayed with current Shells on display that were put in play by the hermit We'd lay around in hammocks and make love to the privacy Drink coconut milk while sitting under papaya trees..

Crimson Juice Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Crimson Juice Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 20 February 2017 at 8:05pm
	This was very rhythmic on reading,it flowed really well throughout I thought,and the wording/placement words were solid too,this verse had an innocents attached to it, that made the read easy to grasp and picture,for me it seemed like a lovers paradise, via expressive writing this had a carefree slant also,the way you described every day items that to most of us go unnoticed on the day to day play of life,was nothing short of ripe,the ebbing of the tides,the hermit crabs cycles that just enhanced the romantic vibe,the imagery projected was quite vivid here,my only gripe is the length,I feel it was too short,because just as it gained it's swing,it was done,it had a feel of leaving me hanging as such,as there was more that should of been added to this scene,like cloud patterns,a slight breeze,ect..ect,but this was still a ripe verse all the same,an enjoyable read too,so props for posting it,nicely done..peace.
	"You need to learn how to make an exit, before you can dare make an entrance".

Jaz-Cat Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 03 July 2016 Location: Bishop Lavis, Cape Town Status: Offline Points: 47	Post Options Post Reply Quote Jaz-Cat Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 20 February 2017 at 8:23pm
	Sippin' coco milk? That finna slap 'em dreamers outta da ballpark, lol Yo, this is Jaz-Cat here, ain't tryna sniff ya coke. You dope wit what you just put up, homie. DTK, you tryna channel poetry in here which is why I could notice the meanings behind 'em words. Ma free o' thoughts ain't dozin' off but it intends to spread knowledge if ya let me, homie. If you didn't stop that verse, give it some nightmare theme to uplift the thoughts and end up the feeling of relief that takes us up by your pen storm. Actually I dig ya work, keep it up. Old-school cat bouncin' out, One Love

DresstoKilll Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 18 February 2017 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 3	Post Options Post Reply Quote DresstoKilll Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 February 2017 at 1:04am
	Appreciate it both, was just trying to get some ideas strung together to get back into the game. Cheers

alicewonder Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN	Post Options Post Reply Quote alicewonder Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 February 2017 at 2:02am
	I remember reading some of your verses a while back. So it's nice to see you posting something new. This was really enjoyable. It kind of read more like a script, although the details and a slightly poetic tale were still evident throughout. Loved the very harmonic tone in this and the matching diction as well. I actually thought that the length of this was just right. As you were pretty consistent with the imagery and the theme. But 'overdoing' it with very similar references can easily happen if this would be a longer piece. The last lines were my favourite ones, beautifully depicted.

daydizzle89 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote daydizzle89 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 21 February 2017 at 4:22pm
	DTK, You has this boss flow down pat. your style comes off punchy and elegant. This piece was no different. Flow was there and all the other technical shit is pretty clean throughout. This was a nice short little re-intro. Had a poetic vibe to it and i didnt mind that. Very good imagery here and it set the verse length up properly. Not to long, not to short but just right. The sunrise touched the waters edge, which struck my closed eyelids Sleeping bag wet with dew as the horizon was plagued with an utmost silence ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ That is imagery at its finest. Nice vocabulary, nice flow and many descriptive words. Dope shit

Exoduzt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Exoduzt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23 February 2017 at 1:24pm
	first off its great to see you back. Your opening bar was fucking powerful. Descriptive and the imagery was insane. Thats how you start a verse my friend. Actually this whole entire part was deep and the descriptive writing was amazing "As the pebbles echo'ed, down the gullet of the devils throat My right arm prepared to throw another beveled stone The fire cracked with embered coals, and the women sank lemon floats We drank and sang with tethered throats after banging resin tokes The beach front was our second home, it spoke to our lesser folk Our breath was spent in a mess of jokes we loved our present post Snuggled into our sleeping bags we'd forget of the weathered roads Drunk on spirits we simply fell into a deep sleep wearing our mess of clothes"----damn DTK your back and you never lost a fucking step. good shit homie


Amgin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 31 January 2017 Status: Offline Points: 140 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Amgin Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26 February 2017 at 9:24pm
	Nice imagery