Open Mic: "Burn For You"

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dr4gonskyllzz View Drop Down
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    Posted: 25 February 2017 at 12:55pm
This is a song that I wrote a few months ago for a girl I liked at the time. I'm posting it here to see what everyone thinks of the song. 

1     You say you’re under respected well just look at it through my eyes

2.       Maybe you were meant for me and not just one of “those guys”

3.       Anyway im just a guy, but you not just a girl

4.       In the whole clam of society, you are the single pearl.

5.       I think they did something right

6.       And that’s why I wanna fight.

7.       For your honor

8.       In that armor, Ima be your shining knight

9.       Any barrier they put in front of me I’ll set alight

10.   When I’m talking to you my face gets red like a spider bite

11.   You’re my single ray of light

12.   For me it’s eternal night

13.   Thoughts for you keep bouncing around my head like a satellite

14.   I just want to hold you tight

15.   I don’t see no end in sight

16.   My biggest fear is you’ll overlook me as someone impolite

17.   I don’t want to play around

18.   This just isn’t some playground

19.   This is somewhere people will go when they lost and they get found

20.   I can finally write it down

21.   Ain’t no reason to hide it now

22.   Your love is like an antipesticide that I would die without

       (Verse 2)

24.   Ima spit without delays

25.   I’d go on and on for days

26.   You deserve such endless praise

27.   The worst thing for me would be us to both go our separate ways

28.   not sure if I’d be ok

29.   I’m not quite ready for a

30.   Brangelina between us but I’m not sure we were a thing

31.   So I wrote this song to sing

32.    If you come with me I’d be the king of rap and you’d be the queen

33.   I’d get you a diamond ring

34.   Take a trip into Beijing.

35.   Rest inside a nice hot spring

36.   I can get you anything

37.   I’ll get them to chant your name

38.   All the credit you can claim

39.   I’ll let you have all the fame

40.   If it goes wrong I’ll take the blame

41.   I’ll be the guy to fall back on

42.   Cause you, the girl I came upon

43.   You got me to finally be myself and not be so withdrawn

44.   I’m still a wimp and way too scared

45.   To talk to you I’m love impaired

46.   Sorry for all the times I stared

47.   From the beginning, you had me snared

48.   So I wrote this song to declare that you’re the one

49.   And I hope that we’ll soon be paired

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Sammy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 February 2017 at 3:14am
hey man, this is not a bad effort. i can totally hear this as an audio. it not too jam pack with syllables so it should be mad easy to spit on wax. as a written piece, tho, it left much to be desired. there were some cool lines like the "clam of society" line. wording can be the difference between a decent writer and a good writer so be careful with stuff like that. for ex: does satellite really bounce? lol. u should record this and post it in our audio section. i'm curious to hear how it will turn out.


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dr4gonskyllzz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote dr4gonskyllzz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 February 2017 at 3:59pm
Originally posted by Sammy Sammy wrote:

hey man, this is not a bad effort. i can totally hear this as an audio. it not too jam pack with syllables so it should be mad easy to spit on wax. as a written piece, tho, it left much to be desired. there were some cool lines like the "clam of society" line. wording can be the difference between a decent writer and a good writer so be careful with stuff like that. for ex: does satellite really bounce? lol. u should record this and post it in our audio section. i'm curious to hear how it will turn out.

I originally made this for audio, but I had decided that I wasn't sure if I liked it or not, which is why I posted the lyrics on here to see what others thought of them. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Amgin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 February 2017 at 6:54pm
Nice! And I agree, can hear this over a beat. Would flow nicely
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