Open Mic: " Boredom or Truth" |
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 30 May 2017 at 4:09am |
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The stars alined are far behind mars's shine- Walmart shopping carts collide to tarnish pride- The weight of who has the smartest mind- is on a far decline of the largest kind- So I sharpen knives that aren't mine- pardon my carpets grime of shards & time- All the blood and sweat is partly mine- I roll through life like its' party time!- a lonely fish that will chase the farthest line- Take the boldest sniff as my heart decides- Is this my art or die, Bob Ross it or tarnish skies- As I crash land my life like a martians ride- It's hard to find a meaning behind these stupid reasons- Fake excuses is the proof that I'm truly feigning- I call it loosely dreaming controlled by a ruthless demon The truth is if the shoe fits MEAN IT, I'm a worthless human being- All I'm seeing is pills & dust , mix it with my will & lust As I get the chills & such, plus every time I fill my cup- Listen This is Chuck, and your really not missin' much My tank is on empty plus I'm really not givin' fucks! Drink till I spill my guts, Can't pray if both my wrists in cuffs- Got my girlfriend wishing that our life was "this is us"- This shit just sucks!
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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Technically consistent, multis strong throughout, stupid reasons to human being section came off nice. Dopest concept @ can't pray when my wrists are cuffed. Was a light read, content coulda been more hard hitting but this sorta on the surface visionals verse is a nice change from having to dissect and break apart complex verses and shit.
Something different, was cool
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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good looks nigma
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Stupendipidous
Standard Member Joined: 11 September 2014 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 492 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-6-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Well so short bars ay exo? Like it like it multis on point shirt bars and a short verse much has changed since I was here last good visuals and some mint concepts seems strange seeing a short piece from you strange in a good way seemed to end too soon tho would have like to see this progress somehow maybe it was just summin off the top of ya head either way content was good still got skills boi
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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good looks stoop
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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I swore I fed this already. The bold in the above quote really made me go back and re-read it before I continued on with the rest. The endlessness of multi gave it a lot of "umph" if you will. I read it with a "swing" like a Dre beat. It really shined when I did that. Going past that the swing still worked but not as great as before. Its not that it fell off, it was more of the beginning being that good. Overall, it was nice to see shorter bars from you man. It was something different and unique.
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Before i feed this i just want to type damn this is nice..
The stars alined are far behind mars's shine- Walmart shopping carts collide to tarnish pride- The weight of who has the smartest mind- is on a far decline of the largest kind- So I sharpen knives that aren't mine- pardon my carpets grime of shards & time- All the blood and sweat is partly mine- I roll through life like its' party time!- a lonely fish that will chase the farthest line- Take the boldest sniff as my heart decides- Is this my art or die, Bob Ross it or tarnish skies- As I crash land my life like a martians ride- (this is a solid segment,liked the poetic approach here,and the flow and vibe was a highlight also,loved the walmart/trolley/tarnish line,you seem to be saying shit loads via the minimalist approach,your metaphores/similes are also in order they came off as fresh and unforced too,yep I'm really liking this display of pen game..) It's hard to find a meaning behind these stupid reasons- Fake excuses is the proof that I'm truly feigning- I call it loosely dreaming controlled by a ruthless demon The truth is if the shoe fits MEAN IT, I'm a worthless human being- All I'm seeing is pills & dust , mix it with my will & lust As I get the chills & such, plus every time I fill my cup- Listen This is Chuck, and your really not missin' much My tank is on empty plus I'm really not givin' fucks! Drink till I spill my guts, Can't pray if both my wrists in cuffs- Got my girlfriend wishing that our life was "this is us"- This shit just sucks! (yeah the imagery was forceful here,evoked some clear scenes as i was reading,like the first half this is in the same vein which show it was a consistent piece with no lulls, plus the word placements/choices were ripe too,the contents/vocab was engaging all topped by a good sprinkling of multi's,i could on and on with the mechanics this and the rhyme schemes that,but i wont (as for fear off causing harm to me rep..lol),all that's left to say is this was an enjoyable read in its entirety..Ripe work thanks for sharing..)..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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nomedic
Standard Member Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
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Reading this I just thought of a joint the roots did title dear god well foremost for the beat and the content you had here was thought provoking I always respect a self introspective written it makes it worth your while reading cause you never never know who's going what you're through so this was fire IMO dope droo
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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yeah, classic Exo. Polished mechanics with that ruff flow. Some cool angles played here. Nothing that hasnt been said already. I want to see you try a short bar drop flexing. You dank sonz
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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In the immortal words of Bruce Lee, "...be like wahter" and you my friend are just that with the pen game . A high quality H2O writer. Seriously. This was pure liquid flames in written form. Flows for days.
There was a lot of disjointed imagery and loose phraseology in this joint, but I felt it all. Silky smooth writing with a pinch of reality and no fucks given attitude. Classic Duzt shit. I'm in awe of you technique my dude. Peace and blessings... |
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