Spotlight: [BL4 Roast] you got balls Dizzle..
 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Crimson Juice View Drop Down
Site Moderator
Site Moderator
Avatar

Joined: 20 December 2015
Location: U.K.
Status: Offline
Points: 3258
Crew: Lyricist Inc.

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 6-11-0
Form: LLWLW 		Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: [BL4 Roast] you got balls Dizzle..
    Posted: 14 July 2017 at 11:36am



Respect for being game and having balls Dizzle..

Sittin lookin like your about to sing?alcohol?,nah it's water waitin in the wings,
Whilst You think a paper crown is bein bling lookin like an add for Burger King,
Day you do appear afraid,scared fist up and clenched are we feeling suicidal?,
Resembling a rare cross version of Freddie Mercury a gay,& that punk Billy Idol,
Wearin shades & a cape that's neat,it doesn't mean your identity is kept decreet
And nature has handed you a defeat,a receding hare line like rabbits in a retreat,
And your talents like your hair can never grow,sorry for being to brutal my amigo,
Projects an image of toughness with the lingo,when dudes really all about Bingo,
leavin ya shook like a quake device,and mate those boxes on the table ain't dice,
This ain't a game it's life,and lookin like an OD'ed Marshall Mathern is your price,


Edited by Endeavor - 14 July 2017 at 11:56am
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
Back to Top
Endeavor View Drop Down
Senior Moderator
Senior Moderator
Avatar
Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle

Joined: 03 April 2009
Location: Your kitchen
Status: Offline
Points: 10000102

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 5-4-0
Form: WWLWLW 		Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 July 2017 at 11:56am
Fixed the link for you. Endeeze best mod ever!
#Bananas
Back to Top
Crimson Juice View Drop Down
Site Moderator
Site Moderator
Avatar

Joined: 20 December 2015
Location: U.K.
Status: Offline
Points: 3258
Crew: Lyricist Inc.

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 6-11-0
Form: LLWLW 		Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 July 2017 at 12:00pm
Thanks Endeavour your the man..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
Back to Top
daydizzle89 View Drop Down
Superior Member
Superior Member


Joined: 23 July 2014
Status: Offline
Points: 3805

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 6-11-0
Form: LWWLLW 		Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 July 2017 at 1:54pm
Your my favorite though
Back to Top
The Law View Drop Down
Site Moderator
Site Moderator
Avatar
God of the Minions

Joined: 15 June 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 5504

Battle Royale Champ

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 64-8-8
Form: LNWWWW 		Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 July 2017 at 3:33pm
Okay drop CJ. It definitely needs quite a bit of rewording and polishing up to make it effective enough to be put in as a top tier drop for the roast, IMO. The Freddie Mercury & Billy Idol bar and the Hairline/Rabbit wordplay was dope. But overall all the bars in this needed to be reworked for a smoother read and to either take the approach of the humorous roast or the aggressive diss. Didn't seem to have either effect reading through it. 

A line like this for example: 
"Resembling a rare cross version of Freddie Mercury a gay,& that punk Billy Idol,"

Could do without the words "a gay" and it would read off much better. Just: 
Resembling a rare cross between Freddie Mercury and that punk Billy Idol 
Reads off much smoother with just a removal of a few words. 

On other notes, I thought the Burger King approach was the most obvious here. That is a calendar on the table, not bingo. it's Marshall Mathers* and i thought that play was a bit of a stretch on the picture given that you just compared the way he looked to Mercury and Billy Idol.

Overall you had a couple lines that had real potential to dope. It's all there just have to put together the consistency, reread your verse and polish it before you drop it to the public. I'm sure there is still quite a bit of time left on the Roast clock that you could have taken advantage of to proofread. 
Go my Minions!
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down