Spotlight: [KOTM] Topical Punch [KOTM]

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Neek View Drop Down
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    Posted: 31 July 2017 at 5:07am
man, this was really good. I came in here expecting straight trash, but I think youre honestly the best writer here. the way you use words to describe things is fucking uncanny.

"No Grilles" and "Shrimp at Applebees" were def the highlights for me. they had me cackling like you wouldnt believe. shame this doesnt have more feed. honestly best piece ive read this year. good job bro.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 July 2017 at 8:40am
Originally posted by DjFlame DjFlame wrote:


Fuck you dude you know that shits unnecessary. I put in work, and you give a shitty sarcastic response for "feed."

This ain't a good look for you Neek. Who you tryna impress?




whoa... maybe thats why your verses are slept on. what a terrible attitude. I came in here and gave you my opinion which was extremely positive and you start off with "fuck you" ?? wow. I am disgusted.


secondly, if I was looking for "good looks" id be trying to impress someone.. but since im doing neither? whats your deal? why this tough guy shit?

your verse was dope as fuck. I hope you win man but jesus calm yourself bro. I liked you better as april comet.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 July 2017 at 1:36pm
This was pretty cool. Nice little similis and such here. Story didnt progress as i wanted. I was hoping for more development in your story. Rhymes came off a little hiccupy but not to bad.

All the world's a stage but I'm in the wrong scene
Paid reality actor, must be Jenner offspring
________________________________

Here the flow hiccuped even though
the end multi rhyme was good.

And daddy teaches to resolve conflict passively
Law of nature: every Savage beast has to eat
_______________________________________

This worked.


Overall - You have everything in place, you just have to rearrange a few things. Not bad though.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Rap Daemon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 July 2017 at 7:06pm
Honestly, I'm impressed with this. Kinda wish the story progressed bar to bar but this was a nice and fresh twist on things and I commend you for experimenting and stepping out into not too familiar territory with bringing punchline game in with the topical scene.

Opened up nicely to set the tone and closed off in the same manner rather effectively.

Law of nature bar worked very well, the tight and compact/punches like concrete was nicely put in and also works as an allegory to your own writtens, and overall everything flowed nicely and was smooth, and surprisingly for what you did here nothing came out forced, which I want to give you mad props for.

I must add, that this is one of the most interesting reads I've been able to have in a while and easily the best I've had from you so I definitely want to see more like this.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 July 2017 at 7:18pm
^^^^^^ boom
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 August 2017 at 10:48am
anyway, just to further expand, in particular things we discussed...


I hate predictable shit.. like with a fervor. I never got the feeling I knew what you were going to say next and that holds more weight with me than nine syllabol rhymes and wordplay. I felt the narrative was good.. it felt fun.. this kinda topic has two ways about it.. either you go super dark or super funny. which makes me it awesome to do.


anyhow. I may have went a bit overboard with my fav piece this year. I think the oz joint is my fav with rhet, self and sammy. but this ranks top two...top five at the lowest end.

keep dropping man and get to know thy neighbors
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