Open Mic: Somethin' Quick |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 28 August 2017 at 5:57pm |
…Every time I breathe it’s sickness They said iLL a sniper it’s why I keep my distance My hands bring beef & it feeds resistance I kill the human race I don’t see a difference Weaponry on my table is extremely vicious Make you look like my son tryna reach a biscuit Armed the Army of the Dead I don’t need equipment Against me is agin' in the hood, you’ll be statistics Even if you type chill to me you seem suspicious No hezzy this flow deadly have you leave existence Bars over everything you in a weak position Standin’ behind mine denied your weekly visit Devised crime inside this mind, its pristine business Never convoluted like conversations with elite Christians Through different eyes its odd how you perceive victims Rhymes like J's the Notepad waitin' to release writtens I got the type of shit to make emcees listen Who the hell said violence can defeat wisdom? Belivers can go in 6ft deep to sleep with'em
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Short and sweet bru
That reach a biscuit thing invoked some nice imagery Multi laden but maybe felt a little forced, def could have used a transitional or two to aid the pace/flow Reckon you need to use more wordplay in your game generally Respect |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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I think my wordplay is fine. Thanks for the feed!
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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*spume voice*
They said iLL a sniper it’s why I keep my distance One of the freshest line I've read lately but Wordplay felt forced here. It only aided it in it's wackness. Mos def Could've used a bit more wordplay. My hands bring beef & it feeds resistance Make you look like my son tryna reach a biscuit Also felt forced. Multi laden but it could ve used more wordplay Your wordplay is definitely not fine. Against me is agin' in the hood, you’ll be statistics Wordplay was def racist. Could have been more multi laden. Def missed opportunity Never convoluted like conversations with elite Christians Could've used a doper transition. Def Wordplay def felt forced too. Flow/pace def wasn't aided here. Respect. Belivers can go in 6ft deep to sleep with'em The whole last segment speaking on religion could have used more wordplay in its game. Dope stanza but def wack More wordplay...because wordplay Respect. *spume voice* Chain: I loved it lol |
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Oh I got you Chingo, I just fucking hope you got destroyed on alcohol and cocaine before you attempted that spume voice ...ya know "RELEASE YO'DELF" and shit
Cos that's my "METHOD MAN" I did say the imagery was good on the "REACH A BISCUIT"... "BIT"!!!! But we saw different things Anyway sorry for jumping in on this again I'll Glad Chain was able to give you the credit you so obviously deserved I'm sure you'll have no objections with it. |
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Lol you're a legend @Spume
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Lol... nah I just truly think my wordplay is fine. I think my battling needs so work though.
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