Open Mic: I Walk This Path |
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Vlad
Newbie Joined: 30 August 2017 Status: Offline Points: 8 |
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Posted: 25 September 2017 at 5:46am |
I walk this path - alone & cold, if I'd only known...
Clouded memories; a barren waste, Air & space is such an errant place, Ne'er we wait for despair & fate, Tearing grace from a caring state. So, sorry that I've been so distant, I, Trapped my mind in a vacant room, and, Armed myself with a lack of vision, I, Neglected the fact that the time had changed, and, Deep inside I've been broken beyond belief. FUCK! Turbulent tragedy; Forever fractured, Hurting so bad, you see; Forever backwards. I never captured the time that we had, you see, So many feelings I'm losing control.......... Anytime the wind blows it's a whispering haunt, Not just a blistering taunt, but a twisted coffin, Your twists and toxins grip and rip my caution. Morbid masterpieces, mostly madness multiplies, Or, just, spare me the ghostly sadness of the cries. Revenge is unnecessary, trust, it's been on my mind, Except, I'd be just as miserable, so why even try? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ So, I painted a picture, please let me describe it, It's a face, furrowed brow and heavy set eyelids. Narrowed, gaunt cheeks, pale lips and a frown - A single dry tear, yet this is where ships come to drown. Never have I been witness to a voyage so vicious, Dreaming of the day that the buoyancy glistens - Stuck in a nightmare where my joy and glees lifted. Often thoughts wander, please let them come back, Remind me what rails I put down on the track, Remind me of what I built, and lost on the path, Or, just, let me fade into the fog of the clouds, Where I wish I could end up, or possibly now. BUT! Bravery is facing fears head on, You have friends and family who care - Very few people can understand, Lest you open up and share, And please make sure your safety Does not become impaired. This is for those of you, or us, who do, or have, felt lost, forgotten, cast out or abandoned. You are not alone. You are never truly alone and you are loved and cherished. It might not seem it at times, but there is always hope. Reach out to someone if you are in need. Reach out to someone in need. Most importantly, believe. Believe in hope, believe in yourself. There will be a a day where your struggles are a distant memory and you will be thankful that you held on. Believe. |
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Ness
Newbie Joined: 25 September 2017 Status: Offline Points: 10 |
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NGL, this was dope af. Slick schemes and great job getting your structure to flow nicely with the story, really enjoyed reading it tbh. You still a bitch tho tbh
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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the godfather of RR grace our presence. welcome, sir. i'll drop a proper feed soon.
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Interesting,
This verse had a lot of everything really,and all was enjoyable on reading,the "kick your way through shit" message was written well which gave this piece a real sense of meaning,and with the inclusion of concepts like that of hope just added layers overall,coupled with the fact your wording/placements were ripe, (furrowed brow) to hash out one of many,shit even your assonace was making itself known in parts too,i also liked the structure/acronym that gave out a message here,quite creative i thought on the whole,even your mechanics was pitching in too,in truth i liked it,the highlighting of some of humanity's strengths in darker periods was refreshing,as a lot of ppl now think hope is all false,(how can hope ever be false?,what would be the fucking point!),lol...rant over,anyways thanks for an enjoyable read,i shall now look out for your alias from here on,solid piece..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Macdad
Groupie Joined: 04 October 2017 Status: Offline Points: 40 Crew: Pending |
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Okay here I go I'm not usually like this,
I even have a bad taste in my mouth, as write this, But even despite this, I've got something to say, it's past time for this. Pay up. The credit is due, just because I'm new to you doesn't make me a noob. I spit ice and fire at the same damn time, it's so damn natural I fall asleep sometimes, But when I come to it like nothing happened, You could say I gained a stroke but I ain't fappin. So do you see? Can you comprehend the same thing ? It would be a no brainer if it was up to me.. |
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Bozzzwell
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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The Impaler I presume
This be the lands belonging to the Transylvania Saxons Personally I have good relations with Vlad the Monk So Please pay the ferryman before proceeding |
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