Open Mic: Lets Wait |
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D-NoS
Groupie Joined: 10 October 2014 Location: UK-Wales Status: Offline Points: 207 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-6-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Posted: 11 October 2017 at 7:12pm |
I'm a poet and I know it and I really gotta show it Get lost in the moment find the flow and go with it Never stop and never ever let go of it, (eva) Keep on killing the riddim and spittin forever, (innit) Elevate, take control of your mind and Meditate Lets raise the stakes and make no mistakes and Investigate All probable causes before we close a case, In this case its this face its dnos in this place, so lets wait --- PS: bout a year ago Kiki suggested I make a 8 bar self hype type ting.. sorry its late bro
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Just to get this out the way early on,you've typed 8 lines there not 8 bars,now with
that out the way..lol, i get straight into it,i thought the second part was stronger in all aspects than the first half,it came off as quite strong and meaningful really,the Contents/vocab had a gritty vibe working the multi word rhyme was pleasing,now your first half although not bad in itself,just seemed flat via the usage of the word "it" to end rhyme on,without changing the concept or pulling the word out of shape (via stressing the word,or forcing the word to mean more,or in a different contexts) Dampened the impact somewhat,and made the read feel samey,but as a whole this verse works well,short but nice,enjoyed the read..peace |
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