Open Mic: (844)763-6205 |
Post Reply |
Author |
Rating: Topic Search Topic Options
|
|||||
daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
Post Options
Likes(1)
Posted: 26 October 2017 at 6:57pm |
|||||
Its been ten years of grievance being scared of retreating despair and missed treatments why you have to leave us? the fear ive been dreaming now a nightmare to deal with phone to my ear, hearing Sis screaming "Moms deceased Dizz!!!" 'bleeding with the sheets wet" "Please, quick!!" "she died next to me sleeping" Im at work, it starts seeping in tears of bereavement working hard to conceal it speeding in my car weeping and shaking hearts beating nd aching shrieking pain and screaming "i hate this" "Please Jesus, she was worth saving " silently cold, her soul on earths vacant on my knees, her body's stoned and lifeless i keep calling out "mom", A tone of silence tears guided by the gears of crisis firefighters here and sirens here to pick her up by her lifeless limbs "god, you only appear with unrighteous shit" "She put up a fight you bitch" "your a fuckn spiteful prick" i told her last night,wife been hiding twins She cried with bliss "Ill help you guide them kids " Last night had me smiling (shit) you reminded us of this blessing Now im pleading and begging screaming with aggression heaving with venom grieving in sessions fists clinched, bleeding and reckless heavy breathing with sis clutching hugging Dizz, knees buckling she leaves the scene, succumbing with crushing pain Souls flushed within flooded aches The final judgement Mum, i loved ya... Dang i hated the drugs ya taked Its been a month of pain 30 days of me in a drunken state (don't know how much more i can fucking take) FUCK THIS DATE 9/28/2017 R.I.P MOM |
||||||
iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
Dizzle.. although we spoke on the side I want to again let you know that I'm sorry for your loss. The emotional depth this piece had was amazing. I felt emotionally connected to you and I read this piece with anger-like sadness. Man, this was really, really, really impressive and hands down, no debate your best piece. Truthfully, it may be the best piece you ever write. The technical aspects of this were easily your best. My one flaw would be the "drugs ya taked" you could've gotten away with "took". Nothing can match the intensity you brought with this. I mean, I really don't know more of what to say.. quotes that are to follow:
I thought this was a smart way to set the tone. It grabbed my attention immediately and made me understand what I was about to be shared.
|
||||||
spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
Oh shit brother, I am truly feeling for you here.....
The power of expression here is overwhelming, personally I found reading through this quickly was the best way...it's like you must have scripted this without coming up for air...The whole thing felt blood raw and completely organic Massive respect for sharing this with us I prey it has helped you in some way to deal with this harsh reality I have never forgotten your reaction to my verse last year when I dealt with the same tragedy....The words you used helped me back then and were truly appreciated....The irony in fact is uncanny! So let me repeat what you said back then with all the sincerity that you gave to me "This is the kind of stuff that made me come back here and get into my writing, this makes me want to be a better person" God bless you brotherman RIP |
||||||
|
||||||
Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
Dizzle firstly i want to thank you for allowing me to gain some insight via this window
into your life here,this was truly a heart on sleeve piece that really really touched me emotionally,i can feel your loss and i sympathise,your wtitting was that vivid it chocked me as it reminds me of my loss also,(my loss has been 18yrs now,funny eh,your first memory when thinking about them is always the view from when you last saw them, which for me is not good either,they can't inject morphine into the brain,which is where my mother had Cancer,so pain was very much present for her until death arrived,which funny enough i was grateful for),anyways there was some fine writing here behind the emotional aspect,and I'll go as far as to say the best of you i've seen,not just because you struck a chord with me,but the rhyming scheme and mechanics behind it,solid work my friend,and boy i wish death wasn't so endearing,A REAL RIPE Piece here, tremendous effort and effect..peace. |
||||||
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
||||||
iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
..had to come back and 5 star this..
|
||||||
DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
This is raw Dizz, I know the circumstances are terrible but the emotion and lyricism were bar none. She would appreciate this masterpiece due to the pure art, you poured your soul dude.
|
||||||
The original comeback kid
|
||||||
Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
my condolences broseph.
it was interesting seeing a complete different side of you than I ever have. this was raw and potent. your rhymes are always smooth but you brought an emotional aspect that was undeniable. really really nice job on this. I wish you the best. shit aint easy. |
||||||
|
||||||
daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
Thanks for all the love my peepz. Much appreciated for the feed
|
||||||
daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
upping
|
||||||
Dntplywelwitothers
Groupie Joined: 30 November 2013 Status: Offline Points: 172 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
This hits hard, I know people always say sorry for your loss and never truly feel what you're going through.... But I can honestly tell you, you bared your soul on this page and you managed to take me through your tragedy as if it were my own, the unfiltered emotion that you display this piece, is heartbreaking, And it exposes all the human elements, surprise/fear (getting the call) disgust (with the higher power) sadness , happiness (talking about the twins) anger (that raw emotion that blindly drives us sometymes)...you brought all of that to the forefront .... but most of all this showed the tremendous amount of love you have for this lady.... and this is an incredible dedication to her. I appreciate you sharing this piece of your story...
And I'm truly sorry for your loss. |
||||||
"My name has the most shout outs in the history of rap...."
|
||||||
SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
|||||
The sort of phone call we all fear and never wish to experience. Yet and unfortunately many of us already have before or will undoubtedly in the future. You took it there, Diz. To the grizzle and the heartstrings. You brought us here, Diz. To a place of utter pain and dispair. Your own personal nightmare made public. Unfortunate, but powerful writing.
Is this a true story? If so .. my condolences. I'm sorry for your loss, brother. Truly. The words seem to be pouring out of your pen and spilling onto the page. The flow is crazy. But the brief glimpeses into your psychological minds state are too real. Too potent. It's crazy. It's sad. I'm there with you. Next to you. I feel what you feel. Well, only but a fraction of it is even conceivable. But I feel it. Damn.
Well, written. Genuinely expressed. And as real as it gets. I'm sure you found some solace in writing this. I can tell. Much love to you, DD. Peace. Serenity. And God. |
||||||
Post Reply | |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|