Open Mic: Life's a Bitch |
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D-NoS
Groupie Joined: 10 October 2014 Location: UK-Wales Status: Offline Points: 207 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-6-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Posted: 01 November 2017 at 8:29pm |
In school all I did was smoke weed after school all I did was smoke weed I didn't study.. I was too busy listening to Dre, Snoop, and Slim Shady when I turned 16 left school smoked weed worked for penny's in a dusty factory regrinding plastics like PVC think in a week I took home 70.. fast forward 2017 29 apparently.. I still feel 20 except I'm writing again, I stopped at 13 in 6 years thats how old MY Boy will be Yea we get welfare in this country but that kinda money isn't helpful to me so I look for work but its not easy when you ain't got a single fucking GCSE Anyway I got a job canvassing naturally talking shit down a phone high as can be but that type of job ain't stable I wasn't able to guarantee food on the table worry took over me Luckily I ain't doing that anymore got a new job now and it ain't knocking doors I guess you could call me a fencer(?) Generally I labor I'll be doing it all year So as you can see.. I'm all grown up now not a teen in the Hoodie category, still wear one tho because occasionally the heavens open up and it rains on me I don't wanna do this for fortune or fame that kinda drain will rot your brain turn you insane leave ya soul stained leave you a big hole feeling only pain such a shame So I got bored writing OM's and even more getting the same feeds on them took my fists to the field for a swing turns out punches ain't even landing An I ain't even intelligent enough to come up with some stuff more intelligible than a grunt getting rough or pigs fighting in mud fuck it life's a bitch! ...now wheres my gun...? |
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https://dnos.bandcamp.com
https://soundcloud.com/dnos_aka_dicey |
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Bazooka bastard
Groupie Joined: 30 December 2015 Status: Offline Points: 108 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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How long does it take you to write something this long? I've read a few bits you've written and it always seems rushed n that. It was like a stream of consciousness diary kind of piece. Props on getting a new job, shit time of year to be fencing tho int it? An I ain't even intelligent enough to come up with some stuff more intelligible - this was class haha respect |
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D-NoS
Groupie Joined: 10 October 2014 Location: UK-Wales Status: Offline Points: 207 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-6-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Cheers man
Yeah wrong time of year to be working outside lol Took a few hours I guess, I took a break or two naturally. I do edit my stuff, it wasn't a freestyle or anything but yeah, I had some thoughts and jotted them down. Which is weird for me because my shits usually all over the place. Thanks for reading and even more for feeding!
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https://dnos.bandcamp.com
https://soundcloud.com/dnos_aka_dicey |
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Oooops there it is
That's what I'm talking about brother I really dig that you took some of the advice/encouragement you have been given recently and used it well Even a quick glance was evident you had something good On reading was the proof.....Really stepped to it here main Well done |
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Just re read this D
You fucking nailed it Shit like the hoodie and it raining heavens....That shit just seemed effortless and natural Every set and pretty much every line felt relevant to you and so doing painted a clear picture You based this piece on yourself and for the first time ever you found a dope subject to write about! LOOK @ THE ABOVE SENTENCE Keep this up now bro I think you can take this to the next level....No more rushed out for the sake of it sshit |
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D-NoS
Groupie Joined: 10 October 2014 Location: UK-Wales Status: Offline Points: 207 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-6-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Spume my man, you are TOO kind.
Props to you brother and thanks for feeding
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https://dnos.bandcamp.com
https://soundcloud.com/dnos_aka_dicey |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Yep this was a big step up from your previous pieces,i liked the window you gave
me here to catch a glimpse into your life,i thought you did well on the rhyming front also,the contents had substance because it felt like a heart on sleeve verse whilst reading,i thought the then and now approach was nice,(it's always good to read a back story as it adds depth) like here,your defiantly on the right track with this piece,keep it up it was a nice read..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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Hey dude,
This had moments of topical niceness, I genuinely felt intrigued to read more. My only gripe lyrically is the simplicity of your rhymes, if I were you I'd be making a point to learn two new words a day. Also I'd look at one of the multisyllable rhyme tutorials here because it'll help your flow and complexity out big time. Also don't stress about text battling lol I started years ago when LA was in its hypothetical prime and I got thrashed around but I learned and elevated and became text champ. Basically if it can happen to me it can happen to you Stay up, read those fucking tutorials and elevate |
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The original comeback kid
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D-NoS
Groupie Joined: 10 October 2014 Location: UK-Wales Status: Offline Points: 207 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-6-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Thanks G's
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https://dnos.bandcamp.com
https://soundcloud.com/dnos_aka_dicey |
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