Text Battle Archive: Topical - Mackie vs. EcK |
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EcK
Groupie Joined: 23 June 2017 Status: Offline Points: 31 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
Topic: Topical - Mackie vs. EcK Posted: 09 January 2018 at 12:24am |
Topic - time travel
max 40 lines. I set up, you're up :)
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Mackie
Standard Member Joined: 20 August 2005 Location: MK Status: Offline Points: 1504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 45-38-4 Form: LLWLNW |
Posted: 09 January 2018 at 12:32am |
check
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EcK
Groupie Joined: 23 June 2017 Status: Offline Points: 31 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
Posted: 09 January 2018 at 9:39pm |
24 hour agreed upon deadline...3 hour warning.
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
Posted: 09 January 2018 at 9:43pm |
hey Ecks, how you doing? hopefully the new year has been amazing.
heres a tidbit of info. regardless of what you two agreed upon.. the minimum is 48hrs. site rules: Site Rules |
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#Bananas
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EcK
Groupie Joined: 23 June 2017 Status: Offline Points: 31 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
Posted: 09 January 2018 at 9:51pm |
^ Thanks for the heads up Neek
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EcK
Groupie Joined: 23 June 2017 Status: Offline Points: 31 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
Posted: 09 January 2018 at 11:37pm |
Well, though site rules are 48 hours, I will stay within the
agreed 24 and just drop mine first…
Gonna switch up the tones, breaks, and speed just to twist
harder … Mack starin up countin~the~stars like doormen at
Grammy~post~parties, been drownin~in~bars since ladie~posted~at me, toasted, come
at me!// He can’t figure out the why or the what, the whom or the
how, Can’t feel his legs, can’t move his arms, there’s no
humor in this now// He’s relaxed~but~confused, detached~and~defused, frantic~and
bruised, Its like a romantic abuse… Its traumatic, no clue… Like his body’s removed, but somehow he’s gone
better…improved// He’s flying now, body unmoved, And the higher he gets the less he’s bemused// Lights like Vegas, but the sounds awaits us, In a slave state, it backdates to past dates, Mackie please
report back! Give us your status (State-us)! // This shit is contagious, complicated and dangerous…yet
dangerless, He’s faceless… ageless, through ages…its just stages// Of time, through these rhymes, painting pictures forward and
rewind, And finally he arrives to the scene of the crime// He’s been here before, recognizes the décor, That man standing, he recalls, is that man he sent for// Cant make out the words but watches their lips, And at times it seems like that man has a grip, On his throat, cutthroat, blood on his trench coat, Its soaked, that man, please stop! Someone call the
townfolk! // Mack is taken aback in that moment, that celestial globe, Oh shit! Its Eck! And he’s got Mack’s tem-por-al lobe, he’s
starting to have several epi-a-sodes// The scene suddenly fades from white to gray, gray to black, Mack’s back at his body, still lifeless, no positive
feeback// The man walks away, his part has concluded, He’s checked for signs, no pulse and no movement// A woman arrives several moments later, and by this time
Mack’s awaiting his creator, She calls for help and yells for a savior, Mack dips down
one second later, Her eyes tear up cuz she’s calculated this behavior, She whispers to herself as if her words were narrated… “He’s gone”… And though Mack is watching this all happen from feet above,
he still feels emotion, hate, hurt, and love// Quickly something hits ‘em, it’s a
sickness~when~he~heard~her, Time travels forward AND back when you
witness~your~own~murder // |
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Mackie
Standard Member Joined: 20 August 2005 Location: MK Status: Offline Points: 1504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 45-38-4 Form: LLWLNW |
Posted: 11 January 2018 at 1:09am |
The mission "the mission a code red, its most notable the rape of a child. just home from school he had worn the poorly sawn off skin of the mother as he broke her too... so.. you know the rules- locate the targets, seek and destroy all by all an any means, enemy means never retreat on recoil empty the clip, before ripping his teeth, keep em tween foil, bury em deep beneath the soil with the mark peekin up.." the jump sweat beaded up profusely, cascading in waves, greasing every crease on that weathered face an wettin his chin, he shakes, a tremor set in his limbs, his shape faded, evaporating into a million separate things but he kept his retina's skinned - eyes peeled. while his brain stewed face stained blue, as he struggles to breath through his inflamed tubes every metaphysical plane changed for a strange kind of same but new every atom orchestrating a mass molecular rendition of deja vu every muscle ached, every tendon strained, heart struggled to liven up his numb tongue covered in the taste of blood an saliva - drying up... The Agent some cunts need killing, its nature i dunt front, its a villainous day job i spent the evening decarbonating bones with a razor slick scraper. but its all relative, to some kid im basically the saviour. never too late take blind shots - theyve never been safer, im the timecop, the kind thatll shoot up your neighbour an say good day to your daughter before the slimy knob even had the chance to mutilate and rape her. they say its murder, nah, its a useful euthanasia people often ask "how'd you shoot stranger?" and when i see the mark iv always got the answer, two in the brain.. but wait... this guys my father... |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Posted: 11 January 2018 at 12:59pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. ECK i liked your approach here,you had some nice inner rhyme schemes popping off that kept the flow of this piece at an almost constant,using italics did break it up some though to be honest,as i got what you was trying to convey and didn't see the need for them overall as i caught your wordplay,the inclusion of using Mackie also added an extra layer to this verse too,i found that a clever angle from a readers point of view,so the topic is time travel,but your drop was more in the vein of astral projection than a past present and future time traveler,i'm no expert,but my under- standing is if the body travels so does the spirit,where here you have the 2 entities apart in places within this verse,i liked your contents and the very strong direction this piece had also,the only real draw back is this,out of the pool of subject matter available to you here,you only seemed to skim the surface where imagery/detail is concerned,yeah you more than made up for it in approach and directness,but imag- ery goes along way in topical,it lifts a piece up and out at the reader,it gives it some substance so to type,it was a solid piece and how you closed out was also cool,i did enjoy this verse even with my gripes still,anyways all in all a real nice read.. Mackie liked the fact you went the route with the aim of building like a kind of rolling story board vibe here,plus it was laden with some vivid details too,your wording was also solid as to the placing of them,and it also had a sort of poetic vibe etched within, that lifted this up and outward to a reader from my prospective,and via the imagery this drop came off as rich and vibrant read,the progression of this piece was subtle & cool,a time jumping judge/executioner who is sent to stop the wrongs before they happen,a loose moral compass here i thought,as the crime your sent back to prevent hasn't happened from their prospective,and for it to be your father also,so by my own reckoning you didn't kill him,or that famous paradox would come into play,(how would you be able to do this if you exsist?,feel free to let me know if the rape took place after you were born..lol.),yeah I really liked this verse,the fact it forces the reader to think is a cool inclusion too,good work.. Overall a solid topical battle here,2 very different takes on time travel,both ending in a death scenario,you both did real well i thought with your offerings,but there has to be a winner right?,and for me that was Mackie,here's why,i found his tale to be more engaging and.to my preference on the whole,plus the imagery was a big factor as it painted a clear picture on reading also,i feel this might be a seesaw event when the votes come in as it was a close battle really,props to both for enjoyable reads here, where the pleasure was all mine.. Vote...Mackie..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Rapper T
Suspended Joined: 25 November 2013 Location: NZ Status: Offline Points: 1423 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-27-0 Form: LLLWLW |
Posted: 08 July 2018 at 9:31am |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. I thought that vote was a third battler ∆ haha Aiit Mackie vs Eck time travel verses with Eck up first: Eck, time travel came up in your last bar, like you forgot it was a topical and threw it in. Stylistically your verse is all over the show with lines of all sorts of different lengths through it, your multies are dope and as a battle verse this shows promise. 'He’s relaxed~but~confused, detached~and~defused, frantic~and bruised, its like a romantic abuse… it's traumatic no clue' This highlit it for me but again it was more battle verse than topical verse so that let it down a lil. Some rhymes aren't as tight as they could be but you're gettin' ideas, stay up Mackie you'd more of a storyboard with a much stronger focus on the topic so it could be followed like a story being told. Rhymes wise you stringed your multies well through the stanza and your scheme though stretched in parts sat fairly well in the pocket. Fav part was dese bars: 'but he kept his retina's skinned - eyes peeled. while his brain stewed face stained blue, as he struggles to breath through his inflamed tubes every metaphysical plane changed for a strange kind of same but new every atom orchestrating a mass molecular rendition of deja vu every muscle ached, every tendon strained, heart struggled to liven up his numb tongue covered in the taste of blood an saliva - drying up...' And MVGT Mackie
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Ridley Squat
Street Team Joined: 20 November 2015 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 830 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-6-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 11 August 2018 at 10:14pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Eck. Not a usual approach to a topical, or not that I've seen. Seems like too much focus on dissing your opponent, I also got the impression of it being a keystyle, and just braggadocio in places, but that said it comes over very nicely done and I enjoyed it muchly, particularly the pace and the depth of rhyme complexity. But I still wasn't sure if it classed as a topical story until around the tie-up, but yeah, I'd say it worked. Overall a decent take on the topic. I'm not sure what~I~think~about~this~shit though, is this the alternative to CAPPING MULTI'S? In which case it certainly detracts from the piece if you have to point out the rhymes. Mackie. First impressions of this sectional approach with the headings, was like Pulp Fiction ... "The Gold Watch", "The Bonnie Situation" ... so I'm already excited about this here. Ok, read it now ... dope throughout. Consistency of rhyming to equal the other verse, or maybe Eck had the edge there, But within the framework of a more cohesive story, the rhyming/word choice stood out. Finished strong with The Agent section, which led to a nice tie-up/twist... Lowlight ... rhyming 'nature' with 'day job' Highlight ... the entire rest of that section! MFVGT ... Mackie (and that's the KO) |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Posted: 11 August 2018 at 10:23pm |
3-0 ko,winner Mackie..
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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